36 years and my husband left us for a 24 year old

[MydaughterandI]

I'm in pieces, I just don't want to carry on. Last week was supposed to be the nicest time for all of us, our 18 years old daughter starting university. Instead he left us without saying a word. we now know that he's been having an affair with a 24 year girl for the past year. He's 59 himself.
I just feel rubbish, humiliated. I'm missing him so much.
My daughter and I are missing eachother. But now are apart, until I sell this house.
What a mess. How can someone live their family like that?

My word that’s awful, he probably wasn’t ever the man you thought. I realised that after a 4 year relationship cannot imagine 36 years.

Were there no signs in the past, have you al ready forgiven cheating? Very bad timing could he not have waited a bit longer. Probably under pressure from the collage kid. Wtf is wrong with this man. He doesn’t even have any money she must have serious severe issues. If it was my daughter I’d be hunting this bastard down. It amazes me that this happens. Do not feel unworthy etc it’s far from normal he sounds like a wrong un taking advantage of someone that isnt well.

What a pathetic old loser. Nasty, nasty, nasty man. Go and see a solicitor and take him for every penny you can, you need it to secure your and your daughter's future. I doubt his new bit of fluff will put up with him for long, so you need to get all your ducks in a row before he comes whining back.

Change the locks and see a solicitor as soon as possible. He'll be back.

I had an 18-year-old when I was 35. Why is that so odd?

I’m so sorry, OP. 💐

But, please don’t make any decisions about your house straight away. As PP’s have said, your DD could decide that her current uni isn’t for her and want to switch, for example, she might decide to take a gap year, etc.

The advice I’ve always heard is that if possible, never make major decisions immediately after a life-changing shock such as the ending of a LTR or a bereavement. You don’t need to sell your house right now, give yourself several months to recover, turn to your friends and family for support and advice.

And do change the locks. He’s likely to be trying to crawl back in the near future.

It won't last op. Might be exciting for his young gf now. Being with an older man. But that will wear off and she'll get bored. And he will come back to you. But only you know whether to slam the door in his face or forgive him.

Yes, the OP will have had the 'good' 36 years when he was younger and active and they raised kids, he will now be making a fool of himself for a little while and then the OW can use her time looking after him rather than him wasting the OPs time and effort.

10 years?? I doubt the 24 year old will last 10 months.

Oh gosh OP, what a tosser he is. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

There's no fool like an old fool. 😔

What an absolute idiot. There's no consolation but one day you will get over this. And I hope, to a better life. 🙏

She can't change the locks

It's still his home

This is really abnormal behaviour from a 59 year old man. Yes she is well over the age of consent but he is a pervert. Where are the parents of girl? I left home early but if at 24 I was dating a man that old I think my dad would have actually made sure he never touched a young girl again.

I am so disgusted.

Don’t sell. If your daughter is at uni she may still be a dependent and need a place to live so you may get a bigger share (sorry but as others have said it is a marital asset). He presumably has a teacher pension and has retired… and you, my dear, are entitled to half that. Get legal advice, start divorce proceedings (they can always be stopped). Protect you and your daughter.

Of course they can if they had the child at 18. That’s not the case here , the OP has been with her husband for 36 years.

When you get divorced you split the marital assets. He can go for half the house. Irrelevant it’s in your name.

So sorry, gosh that's going to take some getting over ❤️‍🩹.. get a solicitor that specialises in women's rights/family law so you know your rights, even if you don't do anything. Change any joint bank accounts you may have & make sure you have access to any ££ you may have. Look after yourself & catch up with all your friends..pour your heart out. Sounds like a mid-life crisis to me ...what an idiot. Big hugs & sending you love & strength xx

I know you’re sad and I feel for you.

please don’t react too quickly by moving close to your daughter when she’s just gone to uni and is starting her adult life.
She needs to do adult things and you need to rest, recover then build your new life.
you can support each other but you need to let her go too.

The number of marriages in my wider friendship group/acquaintances which ended when their child was around 18 was astonishing.
@MydaughterandI the only thing I can say to offer hope for the future is that 2 of my closer friends that this happened to are infinitely happier with their new relationships. One so much so that she has changed personality and gone from being a slightly miserable woman to a constantly smiling, always cheerful one.

He might have been unhappy for years and was waiting for daughter to get through A levels and leave for uni. Once that happened he couldn’t wait! I have every sympathy for you. This time of year is bad enough for mothers with children leaving for uni but to lose your husband at the same time is devastating

It's bound to crash and burn - was he wealthy, is she a little dim or poorly educated?

Who the fuck are these 24 year old who will shag a 59 yr old. The 24 year olds i know think a 35 year old man is past it. I offered to set a 32 year old female friend up with a 40 year old mate of DHs and she wrinkled her nose thinking that was a bit old. I just don't buy it? Your typical 24 year old doesn't need to take any old fart, they've got their pick of blokes!

Its horrendous op but you are well shot.

I would say she is being objectified and abused by an older man. She is probably very vulnerable and he is sick. Probably sold her a dream he cannot deliver if he’s living on credit cards.

As a mother would you allow this to happen? I don’t think any caring parent would. Im 5,2 but I’d be determined to grapple my daughter away and beat him up if necessary. He’s an old man, she is a very young child. There should be a law against this.

OP do not feel broken, do not feel inferior. Unfortunately you’ve been with a really bad man for a long time.

Exactly anyone over 30 is called an unc by my child and friends. It means uncle, old and out of touch. Don’t really get it but it’s the lingo.

I don’t think so. I think it’s real there’s some sick sad men in this world and women of course

erm this.

does not matter if its in just your name - your married, for a long time. It is also his house and he is entitled to a 50/50 start point