Estranged father wanting parental rights over newborn

[Ceramiq]

A younger relative is due to have a baby this spring. She separated from the father after a very long relationship in the middle of last year and subsequently found out she was pregnant. The father wanted her to abort and stopped all contact when she refused. She wants to bring the baby up as a single parent with minimal paternal input and contact. He has now told her he will be taking paternity leave and wants to co-parent. She doesn't want this. I have suggested she consult a family lawyer ASAP but she doesn't seem to think this is necessary and that she can manage the situation informally. Any ideas as to how I can persuade her that she needs legal advice? The probability that the father wants to exert all his parental rights seems quite high at this point.

I've not said that once.

That maybe so but not having a relationship with a father is NOT what leads to insecure attachment style. That's a misunderstanding or mischaracterising of attachment difficulties.

So? Some women consider abortion. Book it, go to the clinic, then change their minds and continue the pregnancy.

These women can (and do) still make great parents.

Can his family offer support? If his MH is bad maybe with a good support network he can step up to be a present father
Either way the mum has no right to withhold her child from their father.

No. They live on the other side of the world and are hermits.

In your opinion,

It's true that some women change their mind about aborting at the last minute. My post was in response to a poster saying that the father had not back-tracked.

It's not an opinion, this is not what leads to attachment difficulties. As long as a baby has a consistent and reliable primary attachment figure meeting their needs a disrupted relationship with other adults will not cause them to develop attachment difficulties.

Just going to say we went backpacking in Central America when our dc were 5y3m, 3y3m and 1y6m. It was awesome and the only one who didn't get ill was the baby, probably because she was still breastfed. They were up to date on vaccinations and had the travel ones (including bcg) before we went. I'd be worried about a baby not having had the measles jag though.

But travelling with kids isn't all bad!

This girl doesn't sound consistent and reliable at all.

You refer to the father as often being vindictive. Do you think that he is wanting parental rights for the right reasons, i.e. he now really wants to be a decent hands-on dad, or could this just be a way to upset his former partner?

Unsure. He might want to be a parent for the right reasons but in addition might want to be vindictive towards his former partner.

Kinda sounds like she’s already using the unborn baby as a weapon against her ex.

Unless he is dangerous and unsafe, she has no right to banish him from the baby’s life.

My ex is an absolute dick of a human being to me.
My daughter (7) thinks he’s the best thing since ice-cream and has seen him twice a week since she was born.
He’s not my Dad, he’s her Dad, and I’d be contributing to my daughter’s pain by turning her against her Dad just because he cheated on me and treated me like shit.
He is a good Dad to her, that’s all that matters.

I expect she will be a consistent and reliable new mother. She is immature and naive but also very keen to be a mother and full of very reasonable ideas for the life she is going to lead with her baby.

Like backpacking through South America and cutting the father out of the equation?

You have absolutely no idea what kind of parent she will be. She might be flighty and naive about parenting but that doesn't mean she won't meet the child's needs when they are here.

Both questionable decisions (though I doubt South America would actually happen) but neither decision impacts on whether the mum can meet the child's attachment needs, which was where this point originated from.

I assume your opinion of him is built on her recollections of him?

100% this.

No, on my personal interactions with him.

Starting with the reasonable idea to take her backpacking around South America before she's even completed her basic vaccination schedule, and to cut off her access to her father before she's even born. Very reasonable, I'm sure.

I agree. For some reason, most posters have absolutely villified OP's relative and said that she is not fit to be a mother but put the very questionable father to be on a pedestal.

FGS this site gets worse. From fathers who want to try to be a parent and a grandfather who wants his grandchildren around and be active in their lives . Men don’t stand a chance , blasted for not caring enough and blasted for wanting to be an active parent.

So she's living the student life house sharing and will continue to do so. I pity her house mates with a screaming baby day and night. I wonder how she will cope too sharing facilities.

what, like backpacking round S America with a newborn?!