Estranged father wanting parental rights over newborn

[Ceramiq]

A younger relative is due to have a baby this spring. She separated from the father after a very long relationship in the middle of last year and subsequently found out she was pregnant. The father wanted her to abort and stopped all contact when she refused. She wants to bring the baby up as a single parent with minimal paternal input and contact. He has now told her he will be taking paternity leave and wants to co-parent. She doesn't want this. I have suggested she consult a family lawyer ASAP but she doesn't seem to think this is necessary and that she can manage the situation informally. Any ideas as to how I can persuade her that she needs legal advice? The probability that the father wants to exert all his parental rights seems quite high at this point.

From the details given, I don't think you need to get involved.

RE the backpacking, she will likely be in for a shock when DC is born but I would imagine most women change their plans once they realise what the reality of having a small DC is.

WRT the Dad, if she doesn't want to involve him you can't force her. As you've previouy been advised, he can go to court and be added to the birth cert through a DNA test. If he is young and immature then this can be a way to prove he is actually bothered, so not always the worst case for the baby. Better than having a parent the DC knows little of having a legal say over their life.

That makes it worse she will be looked at differently. Younger mums are wrapped up and supported older mums are judged if they make any mistakes. Older mums are expected to know better, and not be selfish and put their children's needs first. You're not helping her do that you are encouraging her to backpack in America with a young baby with no support. You should be encouraging her to work with her child's father not against him. The last place you bring your issues to is America they have a zero tolerance policy. The USA has enough problems of its own without your relative adding to it.

OP is NOT encouraging her to go backpacking. OP has repeatedly said it is a dreadful idea.

OP simply wants to help her avoid a situation where she isn't allowed to take baby out of the country at all even for a short term visit to her parents who live abroad.

I should have reread the ops posts. My mistake.

Ignore most of what I have posted above. She will be judged because she is an older mum. Her babies father will not get sole custody your relative has family around her who can support her. Times are changing and dad's are more involved today. She can't run she has to put her child's needs first or else it could become messy. America does have a zero tolerance policy and will not hesitate to take action. Hopefully, she will change her mind.

@Ceramiq

Just curious as to whether you've spoken to your 'young' relative and what the response was.

My two are mid-30s and early 40s. I don't consider 30 to be 'young' or 'younger' by any means when it comes to basic life skills and tackling parenthood. She's old enough to have acquired the knowledge of what adulthood entails. Immature yes, 'young' no.

But bottom line is that you can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. All you can do is give your opinion and then stand back. But what I wouldn't be doing is 'abetting' any foolish decisions.

She's a very naive mid 30's woman. From what I've read from OP I guessed 22 /23 ish in age. Should have a hell of a lot more common sense if she's 35 odd unless ND, Having said that many ND people lead regular lives with work and families. Have 2 ND adult kids in this situation.