Estranged father wanting parental rights over newborn

[Ceramiq]

A younger relative is due to have a baby this spring. She separated from the father after a very long relationship in the middle of last year and subsequently found out she was pregnant. The father wanted her to abort and stopped all contact when she refused. She wants to bring the baby up as a single parent with minimal paternal input and contact. He has now told her he will be taking paternity leave and wants to co-parent. She doesn't want this. I have suggested she consult a family lawyer ASAP but she doesn't seem to think this is necessary and that she can manage the situation informally. Any ideas as to how I can persuade her that she needs legal advice? The probability that the father wants to exert all his parental rights seems quite high at this point.

No, not very young but very immature and spoilt.

But he can't be backtracking, the baby has not been born yet.
He hasn't had the chance to build a relationship with his child to back track from.

She sounds it tbh. Didn't want to say it.

What an awful thread. Why keep a father from their child? I understand no overnights etc right away but a previous post claiming 1 visit a week as reasonable is disgusting.

Backtracking on not wanting to be involved ie estranged

It's not paid! They only get statutory paternity pay. At best it's very low paid extra annual leave, which for most men wouldn't be very affordable. Companies aren't likely to pay additional company paternity pay without some evidence of a baby, and they are entitled to do so in line with their own policies.

It's only £184 per week, but yes. However they would be committing fraud in the same way as if they self certified they were sick for SSP and could be subject to disciplinary if found out.

He wants to take parental leave
he wants to co parent

these are on the face of it two very positive steps to building a relationship with a baby

why on the surface does your younger relative want to be destructive of a relay for her child with the other parent

Gosh what a lot of judgemental comments. We don't know a single thing about the situation or what kind of man he is, whether he is abusive etc. Calling this woman who you don't know anything about "terrible" or "not ready to be a mum" is ridiculous.

OP, she really does need some legal advice from a non-judgemental professional who will tell her what her position and options are. She needs to make a decision on whether he goes on the birth certificate initially and she needs to understand the consequences of that decision. She then needs to make a decision about contact and whether to have a formal agreement in place or not, and understand the legal ramifications of this. She also needs to decide what she wants to do RE maintenance and, again, what the legal consequences of that decision are. If she buries her head in the sand and does nothing, she is simply giving away any control she has. This man can take it to court whether she wants that or not.

Exactly, this is what I have been trying to tell her and am going to tell her mother (also burying her head in the sand). The mother-to-be will have more control, not less, by understanding her legal rights. But at present she just won't countenance being told she isn't going to call all the shots.

Not long at all really. Once baby is born he can have a DNA test done to establish he is the father if mum is trying to say he isn’t the father. Then either mum can agree for him to be added to birth certificate OR if she doesn’t agree he can apply to the court to be added- unless there is evidence of abuse really the court will grant this.

There was a thread à while back of some guy whose company gave enhanced paternity leave and he took the full whack and went off and enjoyed himself on hols. Didn't do a thing for the actual baby, wasn't involved.
Absent fathers are entitled to get the leave and not all companies insist on the full paperwork ! If he's on the BC then I guess that's all that's required

Are we talking weeks or months?

Sounds to me like the relationship was over. She found out she was pregnant. He thought it best if the pregnancy was terminated. She decided not to terminate. He's decided that if the baby is being born he'll make the best of it and try to be a father to it.

Provided he's not abusive then that's all good. It may come over badly for her if she goes out of her way to make it difficult for him especially if at some stage she seeks child support.

Yes, this is about it. She also wants to take the baby back packing with friends in South America during her maternity leave and is anxious to prevent the father from obstructing this...

It totally depends on how busy the court is at the time how long it will take, and it’s not free. Unless she has a good reason for leaving him off the birth certificate I don’t know why she’d drag it through the courts like this.

She took her time to decide if she wanted to become a mother. Sounds like he has taken time to decide if he wants to be an involved father. Which he has decided he does.

Yes, my relative was at the point of the family court removing her parental responsibility for obstructing contact between herself and the baby’s father.

She backed down and contact us now in place.

This must be a joke. Back packing in South America with a new born 🫠🫠🫠🫠

Unfortunately not a joke. Though I doubt she's looked into the costs of health insurance for a child aged under one year in such circumstances.

The OP has a decent posting history, so I'm inclined to believe the relative exists and is actually just completely naive to the challenges motherhood will bring.

Mind, nomadic lifestyle vloggers etc all seem to crack on still being nomadic with their babies. I'd imagine the friends she's planning to go with might actually have something to say about it though- someone bringing their baby along cramps the vibes.

He may not have parental rights if he isn't on the birth certificate.

Yup, immature, spoilt and naive are all appropriate adjectives.

She needs to have a word with herself. She sounds extremely immature and selfish. She is having a baby and with that comes a lot of sacrifice and putting your child's needs ahead of your own. This includes not going backpacking in south America or preventing your child from having a relationship with their father. She doesn't just get to crack on doing whatever she wants.

He won't have any parental rights. But he can go through court to be added to the BC which would then give him those rights.

A quick Google suggests it can take 6-12months. But obviously that's just an average/estimation.