ExH threatening to call police

[RBush22]

I am due to move out with my 2 children next week, 1 hour drive away to my mum's house. I have made this known to exH since September, we went to mediation in October only for it to stall as mediator backed my plan and his was totally unreasonable. I then got a solicitor who has written him 2 letters explaining my move and trying to get him to agree - he/his solicitor has disagreed to everything giving no reasons as to why. My solicitor has told me I am not "relocating" so I don't need his permission.

He never applied for a prohibited steps order (PSO) and the latest letter from his solicitor today is that if I do move with the children, exH will phone the police immediately and he will apply to the court urgently (to get them returned).

I am still shaking - is this just fear mongering? Has this happened to anyone?

Yes meet in public or at a soft play place ideally where there is cctv.

With the nursery, who is the contract with? If it's with him it's for him to sort out, if it's with you then inform him that you've handed in notice so if he wants to keep sending the child there on 'his' days he'll need to create his own account and save the spot asap. Otherwise you'll enroll the child into the new nursery on xyz days.

Do not 'propose' this. As though you're seeking his agreement & approval. His current thinking will be skewed & he'll have issue with anything. State that's what will happen. Give the address of a coffee shop, say you'll be available from X until X. Go sit somewhere visible.
Make sure the kids know how to seek help or say no. Walk them through scenarios in a calm manner, just in case.
He may have PR, but he is responding emotionally to try to hurt you so may also try to cause drama & distress.

thank you - shall I suggest that I sit at a different table to allow him privacy?

No need, they are your children, he wouldn't do that for you. How old are yhd children. Meet at a cafe, can you take someone with you for support and as a witness if he plays up. How's your relationship with his family.

I think you are offering too much, with the expectation that he will respond in a reciprocal reasonable way. That's not going to happen. You don't need your run anything by him. You don't need to discuss or check with him. It will no doubt feel very strange as you've likely always done that. And he will expect it too, as he will consider his needs above yours. Just keep checking yourself, he's not your partner now.
You've done so well, don't underestimate your progress. But also don't pander to his feelings now. His relationship with his kids is his responsibility beyond today.
Maybe you can state you & the kids will be at Xx & they're excited to see you for your birthday. You will be leaving to take them (probably best not to say 'home' as that'll rankle him) at xx time. You dont sit with them, I'd probably be there early & take off their coats & keep the coats with me across the room so he'd not be tempted to head out quickly.

Shut down any complaints or discussions he tries to have with you.

"Not the appropriate place we can discuss that in mediation"

Use one of the court approved Co parenting apps from now and block him on all other communication.

"Not the appropriate place we can discuss that in mediation

As she's the victim of DA there's no n ed to go to mediation. She can go straight to Court.

I agree with others offer a public meeting space like a coffee shop or soft play centre (if soft play park yourself on a table near the exit). Tell him you will be there at a set time slot and he is welcome to join you there to spend time with the children.

I'd suggest a short term interim plan now in writing (text or email is fine) of set out dates for the next month, add dates and times and locations where he can have contact with the kids with you present, until formal arrangements are agreed between you both and the courts.

Get your own motions filed the second you are able to, making clear he is abusive and controlling.

I would also advise contacting the police again on the non emergency number, ask they update your call from the other day that you have now moved, and ask your new address has a DV marker put against it. Then it will flag if there are any calls or incidents on their system.

P.S. I'm soo relieved you've left. Well done!

That's very good advice.

@TinyMouseTheatre you still have to attend mediation and get it signed off. The point is in those conversations is to grey rock, deflect and refuse to get drawn in.

I thought the C100 says that you can be exempt?

It's more you apply for mediation, the first appointment is individual. You explain what has happened they sign it off as unsuitable and straight to court.

We did 2 sessions of mediation and it was a flop as he was disagreeing to everything.
he still hasn’t responded to my idea of a coffee shop tomorrow… not his sort of thing so he’ll probably not show up!!

Is it still domestic violence/abuse even if the police said his behaviour didn’t meet the threshold for coercive control?

Have you listed all the abuse to the police or just the current issue?

Then he doesn't get to see the kids. Tell him he is not to come over and warn him you will call the police if he does because the natural assumption is that he means you harm. Then call them if he shows up and don't answer the door.

Remember your dc also have the right to feel safe. Their own home should guarantee them that. Therefore he isn't to set foot in your home. Keep all messages /log all missed calls in a diary if he starts abuse via your phone.
Seeing the dc in a contact centre would be logical. If he can't even hold his behaviour there he won't get any contact. Let it play out via the court system.

The cafe isn’t happening as he doesn’t want to come (blamed me!)… sad really as I thought that was a great idea. They could have breakfast together with me at another table with cctv available if needed. His loss.

Just current issue - was perhaps too naive to ignore all the other controlling behaviour. Though it will all obviously be put before the family judges/courts in future.
anyone know how long a child arrangements order takes??

I would be calling the police and requesting a statement to be taken for it all.

You tried. You were reasonable & made efforts to make it happen, offered options, don't forget that as he will try to claim that you 'stopped him' seeing them. Don't engage in that, his seeing his kids was always his responsibility, he hasn't taken it, that's ok. That's on him.
No more contact now. Silence any notifications from him. He will likely try to push your resolve, make you feel guilty, push your boundaries. Do not answer the door if he turns up.
Your valuable time needs to now focus on getting your new home happy for you & the kids.

OP I highly recommend following legallynik on insta. You’ll find a lot of helpful content you can use

His loss, don't respond anymore, direct all his messages to a file. You said before that the dc live with you on legal grounds, are they at risk if they see him? I'd apply for the coiet order online today, you've tried mediation which didn't work. Are you applying for c100 or an emergency order if he's abusive

Grey rock, keep offering cafe meets as "an interim to mediation/court".

It seems like you need to pursue a "lives with" order so he can't hold onto the DC if he has them for contact. Perhaps you can apply for this now, I don't think it would interfere with him applying for CAO.

At the moment you both have PR and there is nothing legal to prevent him taking the DC and only offering you contact time in a cafe.

I agree you need to make a statement to the police and ask them to investigate for coercive control.