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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

ExH threatening to call police

178 replies

RBush22 · 20/12/2024 19:04

I am due to move out with my 2 children next week, 1 hour drive away to my mum's house. I have made this known to exH since September, we went to mediation in October only for it to stall as mediator backed my plan and his was totally unreasonable. I then got a solicitor who has written him 2 letters explaining my move and trying to get him to agree - he/his solicitor has disagreed to everything giving no reasons as to why. My solicitor has told me I am not "relocating" so I don't need his permission.

He never applied for a prohibited steps order (PSO) and the latest letter from his solicitor today is that if I do move with the children, exH will phone the police immediately and he will apply to the court urgently (to get them returned).

I am still shaking - is this just fear mongering? Has this happened to anyone?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/12/2024 20:52

He is just a controlling bully.

He is highly unlikely to be awarded a PSO, if he does then DC can "live" with him and you can collect them for 50:50 contact.

SpryCat · 20/12/2024 21:00

He is just trying to obstruct your move so he feels in control, I can’t imagine you moving 12 miles away will be breaking any law especially as he hasn’t applied for a PSO. I would relax and have faith your solicitor gives you.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 20/12/2024 21:04

Worst case scenario is that he convinces the police to do a welfare check and they pay you and the children a visit to check you are all ok. If that happens it won’t reflect well on any future court proceedings that he’s exposed his children to unnecessary police attendance when he hasn’t previously objected to the move despite having plenty of time to do it. Don’t let him get in your head. He’s losing control of you and he’s trying to gain it back.

Original poster
RBush22 · 20/12/2024 21:08

Yes I think the loss of control is definitely getting to him. I'm just surprised his solicitor wrote that - just to scare me?!

OP posts:
SpryCat · 20/12/2024 21:31

I would say so, like you said if he had been that concerned he would’ve applied for PSO, you’re moving out next week so he knows he won’t be able to control anything once you’re gone. He has disagreed on everything just to be awkward and after receiving your solicitor’s letter’s he obviously believes you need his permission but your solicitor told you that as you are not relocating you don’t need his permission.

Hadalifeonce · 20/12/2024 21:31

Generally a solicitor will write whatever they are being paid to write.

waterfalls123 · 20/12/2024 21:31

In answer to your question.... if he calls the police, all they will do is a welfare check (if they do!!) to check the children and you are safe.

You have PR (I imagine, as does he) he can't stop you moving (without involving the courts - who I can't see would stop you either!) just like if he didn't return your children to your care / let you collect them after he saw them - you couldn't do anything (unless there was a court order).

The only instance that this would be trumped is if either parent thought the children were are risk of significant harm.

SpryCat · 20/12/2024 21:35

If someone applied for a PSO after ex had already moved and received letters from ex’s solicitor informing him of the move dating three months ago, I can’t imagine anyone would take him seriously as he wasn’t that bothered to do it before you moved. Plus it’s 12 miles away, no police would come after you neither.

curious79 · 20/12/2024 21:35

I was threatened by a judge with the loss of residency with my child if I moved too far from my ex husband. I suspect one hour away won’t count as too far but it may be getting close. Remember that will also be very difficult for you as you will have to do one of the journeys. Plus it won’t work very well with 50/50 shared contact, which is what the courts like from a very young age and he would get granted if he pursued it

curious79 · 20/12/2024 21:41

Just moving and doing things unilaterally doesn’t make it okay. Threatening you with the police will come to nothing but if he does take it to court, it could go badly. I think you’re getting a bum steer from some of the people responding based on advice I received in the past and what I heard out of a judge’s mouth

vipersnest1 · 20/12/2024 22:00

Bear in mind his solicitor will write pretty much anything your ex tells them to.
Go ahead and move. You will make your life better and call his bluff in one shot.

waterfalls123 · 20/12/2024 22:14

curious79 · 20/12/2024 21:41

Just moving and doing things unilaterally doesn’t make it okay. Threatening you with the police will come to nothing but if he does take it to court, it could go badly. I think you’re getting a bum steer from some of the people responding based on advice I received in the past and what I heard out of a judge’s mouth

She's moving 12 miles... not 500miles!

StormingNorman · 20/12/2024 22:16

12 miles, you’re staying in the same city and he doesn’t even know where he’s moving to yet. So he actually has the ability to move closer to his kids.

Go to court and let the judge laugh at him.

Was control an issue in your relationship by any chance?

Original poster
RBush22 · 20/12/2024 22:24

StormingNorman · 20/12/2024 22:16

12 miles, you’re staying in the same city and he doesn’t even know where he’s moving to yet. So he actually has the ability to move closer to his kids.

Go to court and let the judge laugh at him.

Was control an issue in your relationship by any chance?

Yes! If he wants to, he can move next door and I would have no problems with that.
Very very controlling, and now controlling of my kids hence the separation...

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 20/12/2024 22:32

Would you like him to simply remove your children and move them an hour away ( even if only 12 miles) unilaterally and you get no say ?

him calling police is not likely to mount to anything but you have to start agreeing and working on a co parenting plan - and that doesn’t mean to dictate the children’s lives.

waterfalls123 · 20/12/2024 22:34

She's moving to live with her mum!! Her support network!! Not running off with a new man!! Give the OP a break!!

bridesmaid1024 · 20/12/2024 22:42

@RBush22

Are you moving the children's schools?
You would need his permission to change their school if he has PR

He can apply for a PSO to prevent the children moving / moving their schools.

If he called the police they wouldn't do anything without a court order

Stormyweatheroutthere · 20/12/2024 22:56

I moved 30 miles away.. Court didn't care....

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/12/2024 23:30

Hi there just to play devils advocate...

Are you planning to change their school? Has he consented to this?
If you're not changing then he'd have a good argument of why they should stay living with him closeby in the family home (assuming it's close to current home)
If you are then he'd can withhold consent for that.
They can't make you move back but they could make the children go back to their old home.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/12/2024 23:31

Police would do nothing except maybe a welfare check and then would direct him back to court.

StormingNorman · 20/12/2024 23:33

RBush22 · 20/12/2024 22:24

Yes! If he wants to, he can move next door and I would have no problems with that.
Very very controlling, and now controlling of my kids hence the separation...

Edited
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I am so glad you are freeing yourself from this man. I would push on with the move in your shoes.

This is a pathetic and desperate last ditch attempt to retain some control over you, because he knows that he’s not going to be able to much longer.

Starlightstarbright4 · 20/12/2024 23:37

I think the only issue might be intending to change schools ?

I would just go . Do you have a planned moving date ?

BTTH · 21/12/2024 07:15

What age are the kids and what about schools? I agree with other posters, it's not a police matter, but if you're changing the kids' schools it's potentially a problem.

If the kids are either too small for school or older teens who can commute it's maybe okay, a one hour commute isn't unheard of for secondary school kids in London.

If they're older how far is it by public transport?

My in laws are about that distance away, but we wouldn't move closer to them (their old age being the consideration as to why we might want to) because DSD's commute to school would be really hard plus she'd be living well over an hour (on public transport) from her friends. We'd consider such a move unreasonable (in circumstances where we've considered it for totally different reasons).

Can you afford to rent locally? Can he afford to help you rent locally? If you can only afford to live with your Mum that could look different to choosing to move to live with her if there are other less disruptive options available.

MollyButton · 21/12/2024 07:27

Unless he gets Court Orders the police will do nothing other than maybe a "welfare check".
It's not their business.

Unless there are reasons not in your post it is unlikely that the courts would do anything over a move of 12 miles. 1 hour they might decide you had to share the journey. So any contact handovers either you do the journey or hand over mid way.

Original poster
RBush22 · 21/12/2024 08:18

He will need to leave our current rental at some point as he can’t afford it. He could then move closer to us. I was just worrying about having police knock on my door!!!

OP posts:
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