What new girlfriend would think this is okay?

[JawsCushion]

To meet her boyfriend of a few month's kids for the first time on Christmas day?

The children are 19-23 years old.

I know my ex h is a dick for this as he's invited her to his parents house without discussing it with our children but I think it says something about her that she's going along with it.

The children aren't interested in meeting her or knowing anything about her. They'll go to see their grandparents and put up with him and her.

This is the latest thing on a long long list of despicable behaviour from him since the end of our marriage. He has no idea of huge things that have been happening for the children this year. He barely calls them, I can't remember the last time he saw them.

So Christmas Day afternoon I'll be home on my own for a bit, which is fine, but it's hard to take that they'll be with my children. Getting to joy of seeing them when ex h does fuck all for them. She has none of her own, she's divorced then widowed and wasn't the OW.

I feel really sorry for this poor woman. The 'children' might end up being standoffish due to feelings of loyalty to the OP, and the atmosphere is likely to be all wrong. Hopefully the kids won't stay too long.

I met my Dp when we both had adult children, mine were exactly the same age as yours funnily enough. Would I have chosen Christmas Day to introduce my Dp to my children or be introduced to my step children? Absolutely not, it's awkward for everyone plus you have granny & granddad as an audience which will either make it easier or harder, could go either way. People assume because they are adults it's easier for them but I know my step children felt a huge amount of guilt if they spent time with us because their mother was on her own and they felt torn between both parents. As adults I think we are more aware of the feelings others are experiencing and naturally the children will want to make everyone happy, often at their own expense.

Seems okay to me. I thought you were going to say that the kids were actually kids. Your issue is with your ex-husband, so not sure why your post is aimed at her (what father would think this is okay? would have been more accurate). But given their ages, I really don't see the problem.

I hope you aren’t passing any of this on to your kids

it’s between them and there dad
butting in is toxic it makes them feel the have to back you it’s quite manipulative

It would be better and more comfortable for everyone if he introduced them prior to 25/12 and checked how they felt about it. That’s what a caring father would do.

Did you mean 19 months? Not your decision they are adults and can speak

Well yes legally they are. However would you at 19 have told your father what you really thought if you knew he wouldn’t want to hear it?
I’ve been in the same situation as the ops children and didn’t talk to my dad about his bad behaviour until I was in my late 30’s.
It’s a bit like people who hold down professional jobs but revert to being a lazy child when they go to their parents house.

The replies on here are really sad for the OP.
I agree that the OP's criticism of the new GF is what has got people's backs up.

Maybe many of the respondents above are in relationships with men who already have children and are, in effect in the position of the new GF and thus seeing it from that standpoint.
The standard advice for ex wives is:

Get over it
Move on
Don't be bitter.
Focus on yourself

I feel sure the OP has tried to do all of this in spades.
The sad truth is it is much much easier for men to move onto a newer model post divorce.
There are very few options for the poor ex wife who has been forgotten by the in-laws in favour of their son's latest squeeze.
This will be me in a few years when my own mum dies.

With no new partner my options will be Netflix or helping at the homeless shelter. Both worthy endeavours but it sticks in the throat when your kids may be with their dad, the family into which she thought she'd married for life, and her ex husbands new woman!!
We all project.
Even if we think we don't.

So she's a widow with no children of her own? Maybe she has no one other than your ex-husband (her new partner) to spend Christmas with? And you are upset at her because of your adult children.
I'm assuming you haven't met anyone else because if you had, this wouldn't be a problem.
The only way I'd agree with you is if they were children. But they are not.

Realistically your beef is with your ex, not the gf. You know the utter bellend he is but she doesn't (yet) so no doubt he's fed her a load of rubbish about him and his kids adoring each other, it will become clear to her quickly that this isn't the case. Gf has probably been told it's all hunkydory and his kids are desperate to meet her!!

So has the ex contacted you to tell you this? Why? He's not asking your permission I'd assume.
Why do you still need to be in contact with each other?

No, why would anyone name change for that?

You basically paraphrased what the OP said. They are her children and they are 19 and 23. Children don’t stop being your children at 18.

They can say no. Not ideal on Christmas Day but kindly its not your issue its theirs.

Do you understand nuance? I honestly don’t know how else to explain this. Maybe another user can!

Christmas Day when you are 19 to 23 really isn’t a massive deal. You are massively inflating the significance of this.

Except you’re not really. Your responses are quite defensive.

You genuinely, and I’m not trying to be mean come across as unreasonable and stubborn.

Sorry, but I don’t see what she has done wrong by accepting the invitation. I understand how you feel, and sympathise, but it’s your horrible ex who is to blame, not her.

This is pathetic.

What does “playing Billy big balls” even mean? That he’s showing off that he has a girlfriend? Would his kids not be pleased he has a girlfriend?

The current “bad behaviour” is just him inviting his partner and his kids to his home on Christmas Day.
Hardly monstrous.

I don't think it says anything about her. She can't possibly know anything other than what he has told her and I assume you are not privy to the full detail of that.

Why do they have such an issue with him having a girlfriend?

They’re not children, as PP have said, but the fact this is how you describe them, and that you’ve jumped straight to worrying that she’ll play mum, says a lot. Why on earth would she want to?

She’s just spending Christmas Day with her partner and his family, like millions of other people.