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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

803 replies

brookgreenmum · 29/11/2024 18:32

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

OP posts:
IkeaJesusChrist · 26/03/2025 09:52

You were warned, now reality's biting you on the arse.

Mumof3confused · 26/03/2025 19:45

Can you clarify what his current offer is? You said he can’t buy you out so I assume that’s means you have to sell.

What is the house worth? What is he offering you from the sale proceeds (ie what’s left after costs)?

Original poster
brookgreenmum · 26/03/2025 20:48

I can't go into detail but the offer is somewhere in the region of a 60/40 split, probably more about 38%

The offer is cash, 6 figures, he can't offer me more has he needs to bridge the gap for the mortgage if he buys out.

I'm not sure what happens if we sell, something about the money going into escrow and waiting till the court proceedings are over once the judge decides how the money should be split.

I have been told that it's unlikely he'll get more cash than 50%, and all it'd do is waste money on legal costs. But, seems like he'll do it just to annoy me now.

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 26/03/2025 21:14

38% of what? The net value of the house after sale costs? Or 38% of the estate agent valuation?

overwork · 26/03/2025 21:15

Is he now offering you less than the original offer?

Mumof3confused · 26/03/2025 21:24

If he is paying you as much as he possibly can get on a mortgage and this allows him to keep the house, isn’t that better in terms of stability for the children? I know you say they want to live with you, but it’s less upheaval for them.

WellyBootsandPuddleSuits · 26/03/2025 21:26

Surely that’s better than the £80/90k you were originally offered… so… I don’t really understand why you’d argue?

and him doing it to annoy you? That’s rich…

Mumof3confused · 26/03/2025 21:34

At the start, you said the equity was £200k but cost of sale was about £20k, so your 50% was around £80k

Is he offering you 38% of £200k = £76k?

You now say he’s offering you 6 figures. It doesn’t add up?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/03/2025 21:51

TAKE HIS OFFER !!!

and say

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH

Original poster
brookgreenmum · 27/03/2025 07:16

The equity was greater than thought initially, so works out at roughly 38% of the what would remain if the house was sold minus any costs. This is so he'd get a portion of the deposit paid back, not all.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 27/03/2025 07:27

If it goes to court he’ll be awarded 50% of equity (so you’re at the mercy of selling and house price variability ) less selling fees / estate agents typically 1.2% of sale price plus vat, and legal fees

so if the house is worth say 400k and there is 200k mortgage

sale price 400k
less estate agents £6k
less legal fees 2k
less mortgage 200k
50% each 96k

it’s a challenging market currently and there are no guarantees to actual sell price

if he buys you out he’s permitted to deduct those costs even though not incurring them. That’s standard practice.

He’s really not being unreasonable at all

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/03/2025 07:50

Surely you wouldn't expect any of his deposit...

WellyBootsandPuddleSuits · 27/03/2025 07:50

brookgreenmum · 27/03/2025 07:16

The equity was greater than thought initially, so works out at roughly 38% of the what would remain if the house was sold minus any costs. This is so he'd get a portion of the deposit paid back, not all.

So you’re getting more than you originally thought, without incurring court fees, and you’re unhappy because….?

Stop dragging this out, take him up on his offer, save yourself the cost and stress of court (where you could end up worse off anyway) and move on. More importantly, let him move on. Is he still sofa-surfing while paying the bills for the family home you’re living in rent free? If this goes on much longer, he might start charging you rent (which he is well within his right, legally, to do by the way)

fraughtcouture · 27/03/2025 09:31

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/03/2025 07:50

Surely you wouldn't expect any of his deposit...

This! You can’t seriously expect a cut of his deposit when he paid for EVERYTHING throughout your relationship (sorry, excluding the odd “small present” and IKEA bookshelf)

Can you explain your completely delusional thinking?! Why on earth can’t you support yourself, seen as you don’t want to be with him anymore?!

CanOfMangoTango · 27/03/2025 09:35

Snap his hand off OP.

If you're seriously being offered 6 figures, get it in writing and say YES.

Lolapusht · 27/03/2025 10:58

So, if you don’t go to court he gives you 6 figures in cash effectively now. You don’t need to do viewings, accept offers, go through conveyancing etc.

OR

You go to court which will take months and costs thousands, you have to do viewings etc and potentially accept an offer that equates to less than what he’s currently offering you then you need to wait for the the funds being authorised by court before you’ll get your reduced amount of money.

Option 1

Accept 6 figures in cash now.
Move out.
Get on with your lives.

Option 2
Don’t accept the 6 figures in cash now offer.
Force the sale into court.
Wait for months for it to go through court with all the additional stress and COST that involves.
Do all the viewings, dealing with EAs and conveyancers.
Wait for an offer that will be less than you want as you seem to want the moon on a stick.
Wait a bit more for all the funds to be transferred and get court approval before you get your reduced amount of money.

To reiterate, Option 1 gives you more money quickly and Option 2 will give you less money and take longer.

He is not going to take this to court to annoy you, he’s having to do it because you will not accept that your position is unreasonable.

CaramelVanilla · 27/03/2025 13:23

brookgreenmum · 30/11/2024 12:32

If I fought I'd like the right to remain till the youngest flew to University, then sell and take the 50%, hopefully would also be a larger pot and allow me to buy somewhere out of area.

I was hoping that having the children and not wanting to cause disruption in their lives would weigh heavily with a courts decision - this is what the internet has you believe(!)

The ideal would be him paying 50% of the mortgage, maintenance and me paying the rest and bills.

Show quote history

If he buys you out, then the youngest can stay ? as he will be living there?

But you want him to pay 50% of the mortgage AND maintenance? how is he meant to pay for where HE lives?

Original poster
brookgreenmum · 27/03/2025 13:27

He earns a fair amount, well into 6 figures so he can cover the expense. I suppose he can't save as much though. B

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/03/2025 13:32

well apparently he can't, or won't.
either way
you chose to leave him
you chose not to marry him
by not being married you chose to lose lots of financial and legal rights

millymollymoomoo · 27/03/2025 13:36

And you earn a good salary which you have been putting into your own pension which he has no claim to, while you’re benefitting from his deposit, and his paying the mortgage and bills….. so how again are you disadvantaged? You’re massively advantaged, he is the one who is losing out, not you. Just stop dragging it out!

WellyBootsandPuddleSuits · 27/03/2025 13:51

Jeez… you just keep making yourself sound more and more ignorant and entitled with every post…

Why on earth should he subsidise you? You have made it very clear that he is not interesting enough for you, and that the only thing you are interested in is his money. You don’t want to be with him any more, which means you don’t get to be with his money any more. You earn plenty, on your own, to afford to live. You are much, much better off than a lot of people. Get over yourself, unbuckle your diamond shoes and step in to reality. No judge on this planet will grant you staying in the family home, or a larger share of the equity. His offer is incredibly generous given your attitude. Take it, or don’t, but stop feeling sorry for yourself when you are not doing yourself any favours.

CaramelVanilla · 27/03/2025 15:16

brookgreenmum · 04/01/2025 21:33

So to clarify, if he goes to court to force the house sale, what about then? Legal fees are dealt with in the same way??

From a personal experience view, my dm 'won' the house in the divorce, and had to pay all the legal fees which were in the 10s of thousands (I think 150K) because she 'got the asset' - nevermind the arsehole sperm donor shagged around and never paid any maintenance for his 3 dc....

Ponderingwindow · 27/03/2025 21:25

Why are you forcing this to court? I am flummoxed? What precisely are you hoping to gain?

whenemmafallsinlove · 28/03/2025 12:47

How is this still going? You threw him out! He’s not going to fund your life for the next few years. The kids are almost adults. Surely nobody could be this deluded?

Mumof3confused · 28/03/2025 14:02

I’m a bit lost now but you are living in the house which he pays for because you threw him out…is that correct?

He offered you an amount which was generous, and you rejected this offer.

He now offers you a smaller percentage than what he initially offered BUT it’s a higher monetary value than his first offer because the house is worth more than you thought. You’re still not happy.

He has paid the deposit, all of the costs towards the house and now paying for you to live there after YOU asked to separate because he’s ’a bit boring’. What makes you think you’re entitled to half? Because you paid for some holidays and a bookshelf? Don’t forget your healthy pension and you are on a decent salary.

You should be grateful, instead you act disappointed and greedy. Your behaviour will impact your children for decades to come, because your ex will find it very hard to be in the same room
as you do the future. Don’t make this harder for everyone than it needs to be, and do the decent thing. Your children will thank you.