Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

I agree the op is very irritating but your comments to strangers on the internet are also quite disgraceful.

There are a few lawyers on this thread. They have already given you advice

Ok fair enough I was rude.

but op has been completely unreasonable to her ex all the way through. @Mumof3confused she is the female equivalent of your ex by the sounds of it.

30 pages of everyone telling her there are no legal basis to her claims, that’s she’s treating her ex terribly, that’s she’s had a fair offer, even a lawyer telling her, but still won’t accept it! She’s making life hell for her ex by refusing everything ( with no basis to)

terrible behaviour to her ex who has been way more fair then she deserves imo.

hopefully the ex can get it to court asap and op will get max 50% less legal fees less selling costs - which she was told on page 1

@millymollymoomoo I know, as I follow this post. This isn’t your only unpleasant comment and I don’t think there’s any justification for attacking others online.

Look, I'm sorry if I'm annoying people but I am grateful for the comments.

I think my comments were misunderstood. The solicitor said that my Ex would be wasting his money as even with the severance of tenancy as there is no agreement, it defaults to 50/50, so go court, spend money , 50/50 = waste of time and money.

Your ex will have no choice but to take it to court if you maintain your unreasonable stance. You will possibly be made to pay his legal fees as a result.

I understand that he made you an offer based on him buying you out, but he has since found out he does not have this option and you will have to sell?

What is the current value of the house?

What is your ex partner’s current offer on the table?

But this is about more than money.

You are showing absolutely no willing to end things and move out so your STBXP will be faced with having to take you to court to force the sale as that’s the only way the house will be sold.

You clearly think that you are somehow entitled to stay in the house which you are not. He offered you a fantastically generous offer to leave which you didn’t accept. I think he then reduced his offer which you also didn’t accept so not surprisingly you’re now at this point. You have shown zero willing to compromise so he’s quite correct to think that you are not acting in good faith.

From all of your posts, the impression you give is that you want to get as much money as possible out of this. If you had been married you may have been entitled to more, but as you don’t believe in marriage you cannot benefit from the protection it offers. You then need to look at the facts of the situation you find yourself in and that is that both of you are entitled to 50% of the equity of the property. If this goes to court you will both end up with huge legal bills that will seriously deplete that precious bottom line figure you seem so concerned about.

What about your children? Would it not be beneficial for them to not have this drawn out for months if not years, listening as I’m sure they will be about how you can’t afford to buy somewhere and isn’t it awful they’ve lost the family home? Move out an they can still live in the family home. That would surely be in their best interest?

As for your STBXP. You ended the relationship because he was boring. I bet it was a bit of a shock for him. He’s just had his world exploded and can’t move on because you are being so unreasonable about the house. You have contributed nothing to it for years but still expect to basically be given a house (and don’t give me the “but think of the children! Surely I should get the house until they’re old enough to move out?!” That only applies if you were MARRIED. You were not). He offered you a really good deal so you could both move on which you refused. You’re clearly out to get everything you can so he’s rightly protecting his position. Neither of you can move on until this has been resolved and why should he be the one suffering a loss because you decided he is too boring? You’ve blown up his world and are now refusing to leave a property he’s basically paid for.

Did you get into this relationship to make money, because it certainly seems that way?

Having the kids does not give you a chance of staying put in the house, unless he agrees. However, his offer seems rather unfair given that as he’s buying you out, there will be no estate agent fees, and should be no early redemption penalty as you can remove a person from the mortgage (provided the other can afford the repayments) without incurring an ERC. The cost of removals is a cost for you, unless he agrees to help with that.

Starting point is your half of the equity (£100k) and if he wants to pay you MORE, great, but less… no.

It seems like what he’s actually saying is “I will pay you less than your share and if you fight me for your full share, you’ll spend the same amount on legal costs so you should take my lowball offer instead”. And that is shameful after a 19 year relationship.

The legal costs of transferring the property from joint names into his sole name will be low. The only fair approach is to say you deduct that cost from the £200k equity and split what’s left between the 2 of you equally.

@Elektra1

They aren’t married. And he did offer to pay her moving costs and some rent to help her on her way. She foolishly spurned that.

Also she has a very good income.

@BettyBardMacDonaldI know they aren’t married. However, his offer does not appear to be generous if it’s less than 50%. The fact that he paid the bills while she paid for other costs doesn’t entitle him to more of the equity per se. It depends on a variety of factual points regarding how they’ve managed their finances and the property.

He wants his deposit back, or at least a portion of it so is prepared to go to court for it. Issue is, it is going to end up costing me so my only option is to take a hit it end up with less? He will too, be he can afford to take a bump, I certainly can't!!

Some of the other issues are that he paid that plus all major expenses like furniture, repairs, holidays and more expensive Xmas/birthday presents for the children. I did contribute, for example bought the smaller presents, might have bought the odd bookshelf from IKEA. I'm not sure how all of this would weigh up in court. He's now severed the joint tenancy.

It’s almost as if people warned you this might happen…..! Seriously, you were unreasonably greedy and pushed him too far and he has quite understandably had enough of your attitude.

You need to summon some dignity and acquiesce to his very reasonable offer, at least then your children get to stay in the family home, which is what you say is the most important thing.

Can you honestly not see how unreasonable you are being here? Why do you think he should keep paying for you to live in the house he financed (and continues to do so) whilst he is homeless? Your kids are almost adults, why can’t you build your life independently of him, given it was your choice to separate?!

Look at it this way - you’re going to end up with less than 50% whether you make an agreement in or out of court. For the sake of civility, given that you are forever tied to him through your children, can you not try and agree something without the expensive lawyers? What would you be left with if you took his deposit away from whatever equity is in the house, what does 50% of that look like?

As we’ve all been saying, court could cost you a LOT more than just his deposit

And to think back to his first very generous offer I bet you wish you’d listened to all the advice you were given here.

You still sound very much in denial of the whole situation.

You should agree to whatever he’s currently asking for and get this finished. Taking it to court isn’t going to help you.

You have now dragged this out for 4 months with your mithering. And still you sound like you don't quite believe what you're being told in real life or on here. It's amazing to watch.

Best of luck to you and I wish your ex partner peace.

So you are now worried that because he paid for everything, you will get even less in Court, indeed are you now wondering if you will get anything - after Court fees etc.

Ah well that was the chance you took when you were greedy and turned down his initial generous offer...

All of this.

This has to be one of the most frustrating threads I’ve ever read on Mumsnet!

You cannot have it all when you’ve barely contributed so far and continue not to pay your own way! You’ll have to live within whatever your new means are!

Op, you’ve taken a long time to get to the point of accepting what earlier posters could see, it’s frustrating you wouldn’t consider his offer early on, because we could see what you wanted wouldn’t happen and he was offering far more than he needed to give you for an easy life, but you thought you could push him and so if he’s going to have a fight, he might as well make it worthwhile.

Now stop, think about your options and what’s best for your dcs.

id say, could you agree on you owning 38% of the house, but he doesn’t have to give you that until either he sells the house or the youngest dc is 18/left full time education. That way your exp isn’t trying to get a mortgage while also paying maintenance, meaning he should get a better deal, you will have to go into rented anyway, so this way your pot is invested in the property until you are in a position to move away from the area and buy.

And your boys don’t have to move if they don’t want to.

And my advice would be you take an offer like this to him. You could go for 40%, knowing he doesn’t have to pay it for a few years might make him agree to a higher % for you.

It would mean that anything he bought, he keeps (i.e. all the furniture) and anything you bought, you keep. Legally, you're just like two stranger housemates moving out.

Why on earth would he agree to that, though? He'd rather live in the house with the kids. The OP has left the relationship, she should rent a flat somewhere and have the kids to visit as and when.

@PicturePlace - because the children are teens who have said they want to live with their mum not dad. Now the reality of dad being in their old home might make them choose the easy/lazy option, but the reason the OP said her exp can’t get a mortgage to buy her out of half was due to maintenance costs- so that’s when he’s gone to a solicitor and decided to push for more.

it doesn’t look like he’s decided to try to force the dcs to live with him, and so is assuming he’ll have to pay maintenance. If the OP is awarded more than the 35% he’s offering, it sounds like the house would have to be sold as the exp can’t afford to buy her out and pay maintenance.

offering him an opportunity to delay selling or buying her out until he no longer has to pay maintenance and therefore can afford the higher mortgage repayments /can get a lender to let him borrow more, might be worth a few extra % to the OP.

People often are prepared to accept a bit less money for an easier and more comfortable life, and an easier and more comfortable experience for their dcs. It’s worth asking. It’s less cheeky than her other requests.

The thing is… you clearly said early on in the thread that he asked you to contribute more than just odd bits here and there but you said no. That you didn’t think you should because you did the bulk of the childcare previously… you can’t have it both ways - you can’t decline to contribute to the financial running of the house then expect to benefit from it when you decide you no longer want to be a part of it. Can you not see that? If he has evidence of this, then a judge may absolutely settle in his favour. That ‘bit of paper’ that you were so against would have made a huge difference in your situation.