Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

I would ask him very nicely if he could hold off until younger child GCSEs.

As you are unmarried, all the courts would do is award each party their % share. So you’d each get £100K. Your post is a little confusing - what exactly is he offering you?

Exactly this. If you're unmarried you're entitlement is 50% of the equity. If he's offering more than 50 percent I'd take it and run!

You are discovering the reality of not being married. If he is offering you more than 50% then bite his hand off. Book an appointment with a mortgage broker and find out what your options are to purchase a small(er) place for you and the children. Alternatively (or as well) book an appointment with a financial adviser who could advise on how to make the most of a lump sum and look for rental properties. You could be an attractive prospect if you are able to pay rent up front with some of your lump sum.

And also just to say your children are old enough to decide where they want to live - there no presumption they will be with you the majority of the time. This may inform your property search

The people telling you to 'fight' over being offered a massive 85% of the equity are not your friends.

If you "fought" me for more than you were entitled to, after I was very generous, I would honestly be so mad and would go back to 50% and possibly try and get more (bearing in mind I'd paid all the bills and the deposit too) if you brought me to court. You wouldn't have a leg to stand on in court I'm afraid as you aren't married.
Child maintenance is a separate issue and is also dependent on how long each child is with each parent, at this age, is almost irrelevant with an almost 18 year old, he would only need to support the 14 year old by the time everything is likely to be settled.

85% is a decent amount. Make sure you get that in writing.

Not being funny, but your friends are not the ones facing the reality of this. If you aren't married, then legally your entitlement is to 50% - nothing more.

If he's offering you 85% of the equity I would take it like a shot. If you go to court you'll end up with 50% plus legal fees to pay.

Thanks all. It's not 85% but 85% of my share to buy out citing that by the time we pay back mortgage exit penalties, solicitors, estate agent, removals etc we will have probably burned through almost 20k. So the offer is 80k plus my deposit (paid back at end of tenancy), first months rent paid and removals. We can stay in the house after the transfer till aI find somewhere we are happy with to rent. No chance of buying on my own. Tbh, he is very generous and will pretty much do anything for the kids however does want a clean break financially hence the sale asap.

I'm kind of hoping that I'd have a chance of clinging on, I could just scrape the mortgage and bills but it'd be a tough 4-5 years

The only way you could defer the sale is if he's agreeable. But it's half his property so he's within his rights to want a sale so that he can access his equity. You need to talk to him - if he is determined to sell then try and make the best of it. Otherwise you face a court case, legal fees and being worse off.

How much deposit did each of you contribute?

I keep reading articles that state having the kids does give me a good chance of staying put, though it's mainly solicitor websites so I guess they would say that as they stand to gain! Feel a bit helpless really. It was my decision to call it a day so I can't really argue too much either.

He saved and paid the deposit, stamp duty and all mortgage payments and fixed bills since purchase in 2017, prior to that the same for rent.

I'd suggest you post a new thread and this time clarify what his offer is. You've now got people advising you 85% of the equity is very generous, but you're now saying it's 85% of your 50%? So less than you're legally entitled to?

Does he plan to move back in or sell - if sell what is his logic about selling now and paying a mortgage penalty?

Why have you never contributed?

Solicitor websites will be largely focussed on divorcing couples - you are not married.

er, wait, what have you paid towards household costs since 2017, when this property was purchased?

It sounds like the sum total of your contribution to household costs has been raising the kids Not inconsiderable, but that's all, if I read properly. Yet you say you could afford a mortgage so what income do you have nowadays & what did your income pay for since this house purchase in 2017?

with 85% of the equity you could probably afford to rent even on a low wage job until you can get higher wage job.

The logic is if we sold we would incur costs something like:

Equity (best case) the house needs TLC - 200k
Estate agent fees approx £8k
Mortgage penalty approx - £7k
Solicitors - £2k
Removals - 1k
General costs to tidy up, decorating parts of house where needed - £3k

Remaining £180k

He apparently needs to pay stamp duty on the remaining mortgage and as he's paid for all housing costs for the relationship duration he feels his offer is fair.

As for the poster who said why I never paid anything. At the beginning I only worked reduced hours (public sector) whilst having children being at home more, in the last ten years or so, I just never thought about offering?

At the beginning I only worked reduced hours (public sector) whilst having children being at home more, in the last ten years or so, I just never thought about offering?
Never? Is this a reverse? In the last 10 years both your dc have been at full time school?

My salary is in excess of 50k. My household contribution since purchase was the food shopping and paying for the bulk of the children's clothes etc. However he did pay for some of the children's clothes, shoes as well as expensive purchases (bikes, laptops etc) and was the one paying for large purchases like furniture and holidays.

Maybe my maths is wrong, but he is offering 80k to buy out.

I would let him buy you out, but for 90K if you recon you’d be left with 180K of actual profit. You have been very fortunate to have not needed to contribute a deposit or any other housing costs when you’ve had a salary on 50K+. Take the offer and run. Don’t spend any of it on solicitors.

I think you should jump on his offer.

It's strange you never offered to contribute financially to your household bills if your kids were at school full time and you earn enough.

No, he's supported the family from the start being the much higher earner and this has always been the way. Not normal??

Hence why I asked the question...I should really count my blessings and take it?

Why would he incur stamp duty?

I would take the offer and start again. Solicitors bills will eat up all your money if this drags on, it honestly won’t be worth it. Also if you say no, he is likely to retract the offer and then you’ll likely get less and have legal fees.