Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

Yes, the offer equals something like 35% of the total equity, which is a large amount, but not enough to allow me to buy somewhere locally with a standard mortgage.

I've been looking into key worker schemes and part ownership but I can't see how we'd time the house sale with me buying somewhere else and it all aligning without him giving us the time till completion.

oh for goodness sake !!!

house sales and purchases take place every day !

a lots of buyers / sellers are in a chain, most sellers are moving out of their property to move into another property, and many buyers are selling a property in order to buy the property they are buying.

now even I am beginning to think this is a wind up

Ignoring the fact that house buying chains are complex, long and drawn out at the best of times… how much do you think you need to be able to buy anywhere locally? From your previous posts, it sounded like that wasn’t really an option even at 50% - if you need much more than the 35% to put down a deposit and have a manageable mortgage, you’ll just have to use the equity to pay rent. Don’t be greedy about it, because court will leave you much worse off. By the sounds of it, you’re going to be getting a hefty chunk of money, so you’re in a lot better position than many in your situation. You just have to accept that your lifestyle is going to change

We feel what we sow.

Perhaps instead of stuffing your pension and keeping your money to yourself you should have contributed to the monthly household or actual house that you now expect for him to keep you in

i really feel for this guy. You are making his life hell.

And all because he is "boring.

It's good you know what you're dealing with @brookgreenmum - 35 percent is decent. Can you lock it away, rent with your wages and try to add to it so you can buy in a few years?

Avoid court 35% is the max I think you will achieve. You need cash right now, and my sincere advice is for him to remain friendly. I get the impression you've had your world ripped to pieces, and you, before the relationship ended, had an unrealistic understanding of finances in general. You're fighting partly to keep some connection because he is now icing you out. I've been him, but I understand I enabled the behaviour my partner was demostrating unrealistic. I found it endearing in the beginning, terrifying, and enraging at the end I was so angry I went complete destruction mode and in separation, i made sure to get money i felt i earned. I of have covered an uneven split but in the momen i cant explain to you the hatred for that person, I regret my actions. However, it is perfectly legal, but in hindsight, I wish someone had just told them,my ex, they were being unrealistic and demeaning. Do i like the strong beautiful person i married being unable to live as we did as a couple no, it hurts in its own way but I cant express to you what its like to be taken advantage of for years becaise you bring in the money. My two cents. I felt like the person i married died and this person who was lefted vauled only the money i brought. Never again never never again.

I have explained to you why the children’s act isn’t a good option pages ago.

The reality is you have two options

1. Go to court where you will both be fighting over a rapidly diminishing pot due to costs. You could end up being awarded less or get 50/50. No guarantees either way and the certainty is that the costs will be huge to you both. I advise going against this option.

2. Meet him in the middle. He has offered 35%. Given everything you have said it doesn’t sound unreasonable. Maybe look to negotiate to 40% but you will need to be cooperative with selling the house and moving to a rental. It’s easily done with completion dates etc people do it all the time.

Thanks all.

I decided to consult a solicitor who deals with property, got a free 45 mins. I'm confused, his view is that irregardless of contributions as there is no deed of trust or otherwise there is little to sway a judge to do anything more than split it 50/50 so in effect court action would nothing but lose us more money.

Any legal experts around? I mean, I'm surprised as he was basically talking himself out of work!

FFS

Oh clever girl ! after 4 months on this thread, you have actually eventually seen a solicitor. Didn't pay for one, of course.

'I'm surprised as he was basically talking himself out of work!'

ha ha ha nooooooo he didn't want to take on a case he wouldn't win !!!

Are you looking for someone to give you realistic advice? Or are you looking to pay someone what you want to hear?

You’ve had the realistic advice…

btw if you reread your whole thread, you will find you received advice.

have you gratefully accepted his far too generous offer yet ?
or has he wisely withdrawn it !

So you went to an actual lawyer, who told you exactly what mumsnet told you months ago - you won't get more than 50/50. And yet you're surprised? Why? Because it's not what you wanted to hear?

740 posts on here all telling you that and you’re confused because a lawyer has now told you the same thing?

Would you be able to be a bit more specific as to why you’re confused?

No, a lot on here have said that he'd easily get more if he went for it as he paid all of the mortgage and bills etc.

They weren't wrong though were they now he's severing the joint tenancy.

Your 80k is now 60k and if you keep fighting pointlessly you'll be down even more.

If you'd taken the deal when the thread started, before he severed the tenancy and cooperated you would have gotten your 50% minus fees.

Now he's severing the tenancy and taking you to court for more. The max you will get is still 50% but you'll be down a shit tonne more in legal fees. Or your will be awarded less because his contributions were higher in addition to being down a shit tonne of legal fees.

Being difficult has not worked well for you.

Babe do you have anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling right now. Towards your future and your ex. Putting the finances aside where is your headspace at.

You've been for the legal advice, why still ask on here for " legal experts " when you've had the legal advice? Listen to what he's said and stop clutching at straws.

OP, think about it this way.

Solicitors want to make money.

They will send letters that are complete nonsense purely on their clients’ instruction. They charge you if they’ve called and left a voicemail on your answer machine because you didn’t answer. They will tell you the rough legal position then still do things that are daft because they can charge their client for the daftness.

They are there to make money from their clients.

The solicitor you spoke to has said if you go to court you’re looking at a maximum of 50%. There is no other legal outcome. The solicitor sees no possibility of making money from your case as there is NO CASE. There is nothing to argue.

In court, your relationship has no impact on who gets what. It is irrelevant. Your STBXP could be your business partner, friend or sibling it makes no different to the outcome as your dealing with a very straightforward property contract.

That’s it.

You don’t need a legal expert but you maybe do need some counselling or something to help you see the situation you are in.

One last thing, ‘irregardless’ is not a word!

Solicitors don’t knowingly give bad advice in order to give themselves work. (If they did, they’d be struck off.)

Are you aware that although he has to pay half the mortgage and maintenance, while he isn't living there he can charge you rent for his half of the property.
So even if you got to stay there till your youngest is 18 it doesn't sound like you could afford to.

His initial offer of 50% equity minus costs was fair, I'm not surprised he is starting to get annoyed it's been months and he is no further forward to being able to house himself and provide a home for when the kids are with him.