Partner asked me to leave cause I was upset with his mum

[KristyG]

My partner asked me to leave his house with our 5 month baby after I spoke about his mum. I moved into my partners house which is an hour away from where I’m from and got a new job. 2 years later we had a baby. Since he was born I have found his mother (while a caring, friendly person) to make annoying wee comments about my baby. These comments have always been to me and while small on their own, there have been quite a lot which has left me feeling more frustrated and upset, the comments have been to do with socks and outfits not matching, stains on his pram, giving him too much food, mark on his face that I said should fade in half an hour and she couldn’t believe it was still there. She’s also commented on my makeup and hair saying it looked better than it did the week before. I have not asked for advice from her on any of these things. She also likes to see me every week without her son there for coffees and asks to come along to his baby class. It came to a head the other day when I went round to collect the dog as my partner was working, in the 5 minutes I was there she told me she bumped into my neighbour at the shops who wasn’t happy that she hadn’t seen my baby in months and that I never answer the door to her even though she knocks “quietly” she then suggested I took my baby round to see the neighbour. Straight after that she said that my boyfriend told her we gave our baby a food pouch and proceeded to say that was a lot to give. After that, I got home and flipped telling my boyfriend I wanted him to speak to her subtly about the comments as I am stressed enough, tired with a new baby and don’t need that when I’m just trying to pick up the dog. He did not take this well, spoke to his mum who denied it all and said she’s just trying to help, he’s now accused me of picking on her and lying and asked me to leave the house with our baby and move in with my mum as he couldn’t take his mum being attacked. I feel so upset and frustrated that I’ve been accused of lying. I told him maybe I was more sensitive than usual with hormones, sleep deprivation etc as our baby still won’t sleep through the night but he wouldn’t hear it. I’m not sure what to do now I have this feeling of isolation there now and I made it clear I didn’t want it to be a big deal with his mum I just wanted the wee comments to stop.

I’m so sorry OP, you must be so upset and feel so betrayed right now. But honestly when someone shows you who they really are, believe them. This is a disgusting, disrespectful and abusive thing to do to a new mum. Honestly don’t go back you are better off without him.

You should do exactly what he said and move out. Not because he’s right but because it’s the right thing for you. You can’t live like that and need positive support from your family (provided they are nice people of course) x

You do exactly what he says, you leave and never look back!

Do not try justifying your request, you don’t have to. His mother is giving unsolicited advice and making comments that are not needed, if he can’t back you and not only throws you but his child out of the house, you’ve had a lucky escape.

Pack your things and leave. If you really don’t want to break up with him at least make him beg and 100% back you up before you go back to him. But I fear the writings already on the wall and you’d be better off without him.

Leave him

Agree

Wow. He’s trying to control you. You have to do and act as he wishes or he will throw you out. He knows you’re two hours from home so this is an easy way for him to bend you to his will. You’re already saying in your message “oh maybe I was over sensitive”. He’s in your head. Making you doubt the truth. You know what happened with his mum and I’ll assume you’re confident that the liar isn’t you? Take him to your mums, and everytime he comes to collect baby get your mum to attack his parenting. When he asks you to speak to her then threaten him with something.. when he says that’s not right ask him how it feels.

Yep, I would also go. And I would see him completely differently after that.

i am sorry you are going through this at a time when you need support, understanding and care. But. Agree with others, if this is his reaction now - it will only gets worse and you will be frightened to even sneeze or make any comment. Plus, It also gives his mum power. It’s hard but now is the time to move out

It seems to me that right now you’re very sensitive to her comments which to be honest are just her wittering on and are nothing too bad at all .
My MIL wittered on endlessly about things and I had to let these comments go or I’d have lost my mind .
But he’s over reacted by asking you to leave .
I think this needs both of you to sit down and have a proper discussion .
Maybe you could stay at your mums for a few days just for a break from it all for now ?

I would go back to my mums.

I generally think people shouldn't make big decisions during pregnancy the first year with a new baby. It's a tough time.

However, there's a different with....

Love, you seem stressed and emotional why don't you call your mum and see if you can go for a break.

And, how dare you talk about my mum. Your disrespectful and a liar my mum never said that. Go to your mum's a take the baby with you.

@KristyG Knows if he was throwing her out with his baby or not. He'd only do that to me once. Come what may. I wouldn't give him a second opportunity. That is not love, respect or care. That's power and control.

Lots of women do not get on with their MILs, but lots of men do not ask their partner and baby to move out the first time their partner asks for a bit of support. It's a complete over reaction, which makes me think he has grown tired of playing happy families and is looking for a way out.

If you knuckle down to this threat and bend your neck, you're done for. He's a coward who can't deal with a situation he doesn't like and even worse, he's a bully. Cut and run whilst you can. As a partner and a parent, he isn't worth the air he breathes.

I know it sounds awful and overwhelming, but I'd stay at my own Mum's and not go back if I was in your position.
If he could be bothered, he could have found a tactful way to get his Mum to back off. But he's chosen his Mum over you & that won't change.

This guy is an utter disgrace. I would leave him. He obviously has zero respect for you and is an absolute whopper of a mummies boy. He’s shown you the door with a baby so I would go out of it and never return. Get out of that relationship now OP.

He's been waiting for the opportunity. Prick.

I would call his bluff and go, that was a complete overreaction from him. But also it would have me questioning whether i could stay in that relationship long term- his mum sounds manipulative and overbearing, and sounds to be playing the poor me I'm only trying to help card!

Red flag. Please don't accept this behaviour from anyone, much less a "partner ". Plan carefully to escape him. If you can, move back to your home town, family and support network. Once a major boundary like this has been crossed, it can very easily and quickly escalate. I wish you well.

Jesus, you’re well shot of him. He sounds like a man-baby and his mum sounds like a royal pain in the ass. Just go and raise your child alone. Life is far too short to deal with idiots like this. Please stand up for yourself.

Kicking you out for his mammy? Sod that he'd be single

run run run!! A mummy’s boy will never change. The fact he has put his mother before his own child has told me everything I need to know!!

The mother is telling her to visit with the neighbour? Good grief. Nothing to add to all the good advice on here. The partner should have the op’s back, not the critical mother’s.

Good grief. He kicked you out because he couldn't bear to hear a bad word said against his mummy? Sounds like you've had a lucky escape OP. If he's like this now,god only knows what he'll be like a few years down the line. I agree with previous posters,go to your mum's and PLEASE don't go back to him. It will only happen again. And again.....

Go to your mum's and have some peace you don't need any of that in your life and don't go back unless things change

I'd be going to your mums. Anyone who can tell you to get out with a 5 month old baby because his mums feelings matter more than yours, I couldn't trust.