I received inheritance 4 weeks before my husband said he was leaving

[Sofie19]

Hi

I received some inheritance from my parents a couple of months ago. I told my husband their house sale went through and I got the money. 4 weeks later he said we should separate and he moved into a rental he had already organized. I'm in my 30s and we have a young son. My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.

But I don't want to.

I don't want to be forced into using my parent's money for this. I wanted to reduce the hours of my current job and use the inheritance money to supplement my income because I don't want to work long hours. My job has been stressful in the past and I reduced my hours in the past few years and I have been happier and feel I have the right home/work balance. I want to stay working shorter hours so I can be there for my son and enjoy my life.

My husband is a high earner (100k +) for the last year and was obsessed with work. I am on less than 30k. We have a big mortgage which I can't afford on my income alone. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I want to give the inheritance away, flush it down the loo, put it in a trust for my young son, whatever. I feel sick to my core that my husband waited for it before leaving. He used our marriage to build up his income and take a new job and train for his high income. I actually wanted him to stay on the lower paid job. I feel devastated that, whilst it probably isn't part of the matrimonial pot, I will have to use it for my living needs because property prices are high near where we are. I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested. My husband could meet his housing needs based on his salary because his borrowing capacity is high but mine isn't and I can't base it on my salary alone / the income I can make from interest.

Is there any way I can get rid of the inheritance? Everywhere I have read says don't spend it because it looks bad. But if it isn't my husband's anyway surely I can do whatever I want with it. I just feel so gutted. I might be coming across as greedy and selfish I know. But ultimately I don't want to be forced to spend it in a certain way, I want to choose how to spend it myself.

Its an inheritance, thats the clue

and also some for IVF now as a single woman

Just to be clear OP, you mean IVF with sperm donation? Because I’ve seen your posts on the conception / infertility boards and I highly doubt your STBX will allow you to use any embryos you have together.

@Sofie19 If your parents died less than 2 years ago then I think you can do a deed of variation so that the inheritance goes to your child. Speak to your solicitor.

Lots of people refer to gifts from their living parents as ‘inheritance’ so no, that’s not ‘the clue’ at all.

The OP’s parents may have died, they may not - we don’t know.

Everything that this family has, house, incomes, savings, pensions, possible future inheritance, future earning capacity is now at a 50/50 split.

How could anyone possibly know what someone's future inheritance would be?
Your advice is really bad.

sorry I’m not following this, surely your life won’t be less difficult with less money if you didn’t have the inheritance? If you use the money for housing and are mortgage free, and presumably you will be entitled to equity from your current house sale, claim CMS, possibly to entitled to UC, you might still be able to reduce your hours while your DS is little.

AFAIK inheritance does form part of a divorce settlement under English law. You need to see a solicitor ASAP.

OP has a lawyer! It’s right there, in her only post.

”My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.”

If you've received the inheritance already, doesn't it just become another marital asset subject to appropriate split in the divorce?

As I understand it (from a quick google, not from a knowledgeable legal point of view), most likely not under UK law and also given the timing.

So sorry that happened to you, you have been through a lot. I totally understand why you feel the way you do. I wish I had sound advice but beyond getting a good lawyer and looking after yourself, I do not. Wishing you the very best.

Would spending it be seen as deprivation of assets? If her ex is automatically entitled to half (if, because I don’t know) then she would not be at liberty to spend his half, surely?

It only becomes a marital asset if it gets used within the marriage like in a joint account or home improvements. If it is sitting in a separate account it is not automatically considered part of the marriage.

Unfortunately OP is thinking about how she would use the inheritance money with her current lifestyle.

That lifestyle ceased to exist when she and her DH split.

I suspect a lot of this is sadness for the life that has gone and the hopes that will no longer manifest. Unfortunately OP, you don't have time to be sad. You need to look at creating the best life you can for you and your son. Having the inheritance money is a plus. Your life would be even harder without it.

So much bad advice on this thread. It sounds like the op’s lawyers have given her realistic advice. A lot of people are not able to buy their own property after divorce, let alone work part time.

Investing the funds in a home will secure the inheritance for your son, op. Hopefully you can get a small mortgage which will allow you to reduce your hours at work.

If you're asking for proper advice, then you need to use the proper terms. We can only go on what they write

OP wrote inheritance from parent - therefore for the moment unless told otherwise we assume the parents are dead.

If they are not, then OP can simply give back the money to the parents, and claim she was just holding it for them

But I don't want to

I don’t blame you. I don’t want to work as hard as I do either. I’d much rather do fewer hours, do a job I enjoy, (or at least a job that doesn’t slowly destroy my soul) and have a better work/life balance. Sadly for me, and millions of others, I also don’t want to live in a tent, so we all just have to suck it up and get on with it.

It’s crap. And unfair. And he’s a shit for leaving. But it has happened, you can’t change it and you can’t have what you want unless you go out and get it for yourself. You’re in a much better position than most, in that you have options. You can use the money to stay where you are, or you can move to a cheaper area and use it to supplement your lifestyle. Most don’t have that choice.

”My lawyers have told me I need to use the inheritance for my future housing needs.”

You can seek a second legal opinion - or explore options with financial advisor.

However if sell current house and get a share and have inheritance getting somewhere in an expensive area possibly with low or free of mortgage may mean you can reduce your hours anyway. I think you still have more options with the inheritance than without just not the one who'd hoped to have.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've recently lost both parents, and that your husband has moved out. It must be devastating for these things to have happened so close together. I understand that you probably feel as though you have no control over what's going on, and this is understandably affecting how you're thinking about your current situation. You're probably feeling a bit trapped?

The future you'd planned for and expected will be different now, but that doesn't necessarily mean it'll be worse. Can you sit down and think about all of your options with someone who's focused on your interests? You do have choices and you will be ok, although right now I understand that you must feel beyond unsettled. Take care.

Why not pay your mortgage off with it, if it covers it?

So much bad and incorrect’advice’ On here! Such as this

@deydododatdodontdeydo

He's a sleekit bastard if he's deliberately waited until you got this inheritance before taking off.

CMS should be around £850 a month from him even if he has your DC one night a week. Probably more if he doesn't have them overnight. Would that, in addition to your own incom, be enough to pay the mortgage?

It is really upsetting that your partner has done this. But you can't possibly be worse off without this money, and your parents would be devastated probably if they knew that you got rid of it. Also if you ever needed to claim benefits, it would go against you. Get a good lawyer for the separation and argue that since your relationship broke up a few weeks after you received this windfall, all or most of it should stay with you.

Has it been under 2 years since death?

If so, you can vary the will with a Deed of Variation (perhaps with money into trust for your child) even if you have already received the proceeds.

But she wants to use the money, but not on housing (on IVF?!)

I wanted to keep some for my son, keep some for myself for when I am much older and need to supplement my pension and also some for IVF now as a single woman. Some could have gone towards property but nowhere near what is being suggested.