Things I've noticed since the divorce

[TheWestfoldFell]

1. My house (I managed to buy a little home) is much cleaner and tidier despite the ikea boxes

2. I spend a lot less money on groceries AND my work lunches come out of this

3. my kids are a lot more chatty and animated when they are with me (50/50)

4. he's a narc

He used a lot of suger

The kids are more relaxed

The house is probably more messy but no-one is screaming about mess 24/7 while refusing to put an empty crisp packet in the bin they are sat next to

5. he was controlling me financially and the guilt I feel just for wanting to buy a new bin, an ironing board or even a new telly for my bedroom 🙈🙈

6. On the topic of money - I have a lot more spare money even after paying all my bills 🙈

Tidy house and hygienic kitchen and bathroom.
Clothes washed and put away
Guilt free spending
Peace.

Ah yes the bit about divorce no one tells you - it can be easier when you’re free of the manchild

1. I slept better. Went to bed at a set time each night. DD getting up early no bother
2. mealtimes etc much easier - ate earlier, with DD and v healthily
3. I lost weight effortlessly
4. when the dad did have DD - oh yes, bliss the free time!!! Have never understood women who get in the way of decent dads seeing their kids

1, more money

2, much better sleep

3, cleaner bathroom and no unexpected smells when going to use it

4, peacefulness (no TV blaring, no work calls, nobody listening to loud music in the garden)

5, no more cooking meat

That I can run a household on my very average earnings alone. I have no idea where all our money went (although probably a fair wedge went on online gambling and onlyfans if I’m honest with myself)

No more walking on eggshells.

No more someone deliberately waking me up when me and the kids had a bad night.

Way more money even though he earned 3 times what I did.

Cleaner house even though I spend less time cleaning.

No one deliberately running up bills when I say no to him.

No constant criticism and tearing down of my self worth.

Happier, calmer children.

There are honestly so many things.

To be fair to ExH he's a good dad...

Crap husband...

No in-laws or his friends to deal with

We eat much more healthily
We are much more relaxed
The bathroom is clean
My tools don't disappear or get left out in the rain
I have much more disposable income
My house is sunnier with more music and more conversation.
There is generally much less criticism

@FunLurker omg yes, the in-laws. Such a bonus to not have to deal with!

No in law interaction (bliss).
No-one blocking the bathroom for an hour at a time multiple times a day.
More money.
The children and I are calmer, happier, more relaxed.
It is so much easier than I thought it was going to be.

No horrifically stinky gym bag by the back door (although kids becoming teens, so that'll probably be back :D )

No thinking I have dinner sorted, only to come home and find it's already been eaten

No-one coming to bed at midnight and waking me up, then complaining when I get up at 6:30 with the kids and am not quite quiet enough.

So much less washing!

For quite a while after I got divorced and got a house of my own, I used to hear a car engine going by and involuntarily brace myself and wait for the sound of a key in the lock. This was because I had got used to hearing ex's car pulling up and knowing that he might be in a terrible mood when he got home.

It was bliss to remind myself 'no, it's just the sound of a random car going by - no one is about to come into your home and frighten you'.

Also, a lot of the other stuff people have said:

1. clean, fresh-smelling house
2. clean, un-skidded bed sheets
3. peace
4. no tension, just calmness

I'm not divorced but I dream of it sometimes...no one talking to me or asking me things, noone eating loudly, noone playing tinny music through their phone, no one sniffing or snoring or farting, no suspicious puddles on the bathroom floor, no fried food smells on a Saturday morning....I love DH and he's a great husband mostly but the level of compromise it takes to live with someone else Every Single Day is insane. I'm just through menopause amd I suspect all my nice tolerant hormones have fled the building screaming!

I'm home alone today amd the silence is bliss!

You get to do what you want in the evenings, instead of being guilted into being in the same room as someone who wants you sat next to him companionably while he watches (his choice of) TV.

And no shirts to iron.

100% 🤣

I go to bed when I want to
I can see my friends
I have more money even though I'm now paying 100% for my home, bills etc
My home is cleaner and tidier

Silence in the house. No constant inane tv sport commentary/roar in the background.

Soft carpet instead of eggshells.

No unwanted sex.

House is infinitely more tidy

Less washing - the clown must have used 8 towels for one shower

The house is more peaceful.

Even though I'm responsible for doing everything (no change there) I'm no longer filled with resentment and rage at the manchild so less stress.

Child free time is awesome, although we are very early in the separation stage I've got a feeling that once he realises I'm not sitting at home pining away for my kids and missing the family unit, I think he'll quit being a Disney dad and see the kids even less frequently.

I can be myself. For the longest time I was angry and snappy because my needs were not being met. Now I pour the energy that I used to expend on keeping the marriage functioning back into myself and I've never been happier.

1. no passive aggressive comments from my mother in law (although she can’t help herself and makes them in front of the kids instea)
2. more space in the wardrobes, a clear loft, clear shed and overall house as he had a lot of sports and hobby equipment he never used
3. better diet in the house and nobody else seems to throw a tantrum if we don’t eat meat every day
4. better relationships with the friends who thought he was an idiot and are happy he’s gone
5. 1600 ish days before the youngest turns 18 and I rarely have to talk to him
6. Nobody being suspicious and jealous if I do anything for myself

Peace and quiet
Nobody groping me in the middle of the night
No cliff hanging on the edge of the bed
No piss on the bathroom floor
House much cleaner
My mysterious illnesses disappeared

Thanks for your post. I am working towards a home where no one comes home to frighten me. It's nice to read such a simple way of putting it.

ouchfuckingouchmyarse (great username btw!) I am so with you on the noises! I’m very happily married but oh the coughing, sniffing etc! DH always sniffs when he’s concentrating but he’s started doing it all the time. Maybe he’s getting a cold. Drives me potty!