Things I've noticed since the divorce

[TheWestfoldFell]

1. My house (I managed to buy a little home) is much cleaner and tidier despite the ikea boxes

2. I spend a lot less money on groceries AND my work lunches come out of this

3. my kids are a lot more chatty and animated when they are with me (50/50)

4. he's a narc

Excellent thread OP. I think It should be made a sticky at the top of the relationship topic, for all those hanging on in a shit relationship in fear of going it alone.

Women are way more capable than men would have us believe.

Definitely @Cloverforever , it felt like a scary thing to do but by god is it worth it! I had forgotten that life could be good and cheerful and easy…and as someone said upthread, all the energy I used to put into trying to make our marriage work I now spend on me and DS…yes I’m tired, yes I’m skint, but life is so much better!

The horrible weird constant tense atmosphere disappeared.
The kids and i are far closer
I don't have constant anxiety

The biggest for me was more money. I was paying all the bills on the house, paying some of his bills, and expected things to be quite tight. Yet my bank account just grew and grew. He had clearly been skimming off more than I realized.

Inspirational topic. It’s over 40years since I escaped, felt like a teenager when I moved to my own little home. DS and I so happy. Took a while to get my confidence back as he’d destroyed it bit by bit. Loved my work and eventually met a wonderful man who I I’ve been married to for 24 years.
I’m an old lady now but you never forget how wonderful it is to escape a shit.

Love this thread and was thinking about this the other day. Someone else has said, good dad rubbish husband and that someone echos my views but I was also a shit wife.
For me

• if I'm sat on a sofa doom scrolling it's because I want to, not because no one can be arsed to talk to me
• jobs in the house are either done or not done. I don't have anyone to blame or be passive aggressive with over it
• having one set (and now just my mum) of elderly needy parents is enough
• he is a better dad without me passing views on his parenting
• I use the time he has the kids to allow me to be more present when he has them
• also more money but I work harder and get more satisfaction from it
• I can do things alone like drive long distances

Love this 🥰

Getting rid of my ex was akin to removing a huge, parasitic tick.

From the moment I got him out of the house it was like the weight of the world had lifted. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I choose. It's heaven!

No more fucking cooking programs! Bliss!!

No more snoring

No more drunken passed out arsehole sitting at the end of the sofa - snoring whilst watching fucking cooking programs!

No more trashed kitchen - ever pot and pan used whilst trying to recreate some bizarre dish from stupid fucking cooking program..

No more Saturday morning cooking breakfast that takes two hours on a low heat which runs into brunch and the kids have eaten 10 bags of crisp by the time it's actually served..!

Oh and no more lying cheating twat. 🥳

You'll be fine, it takes time but trust me it gets easier.

Don't spend anytime looking for closure, focus on your new found self and embrace life. 💐

Echo @rockingbird
Things I noticed post divorce in no particular order..........

• That absence of that horrible stale alcoholic smell - it pervaded the whole house/furniture he used
• Peace & quiet - the TV was on constantly (would watch numerous things esp. cookery programmes 'in blackout' and instantly forgetting what he'd just watched)
• Having crockery without death cracks (would put plates in to warm at 3pm!)
• No gaslighting
• Not being constantly woken at silly o'clock by him crashing around when I had to work the next morning
• No more dreading leaving the house as I never knew what I would come back to
• No longer being terrified every time he took our daughter out anywhere (thank God he never learned to drive)
• No longer feeling my heart sinking if he had been out anywhere and dreading his return
• No longer finding empty bottles in peculiar places
• Being allowed in the kitchen whenever I want. I was banned of course; it was easier to drink unlimited alcohol under the guise of cooking up a feast

25 years ago I divorced him. Reading this thread has reminded me that I did the right thing........

Ex wife, but still rings true. I no longer have to put up with -
skiddy pants 🤢
piles of paperwork, washing, etc everywhere for literally months at a time
being forced to stay up late to help with coursework, and then having to get up early to deal with kids and work
having to cook in line with her new fad
having stress cramps every single day

I now have -
more money as she used to spend it on wasted and expensive food, leave all the lights on and buy things for the kids that they didn’t need or want
a cleaner house as the kids are pretty good and I clean and tidy as I go
a calm house as I am allowed to parent instead of doing everything her (chaotic) way
time to myself to either see friends or just relax as I was always with the kids while she went out

I was a shadow of myself, financially and emotionally abused. I feel so at peace now

All of these things resonate with me. But for me not having to drink wine every night to take the edge off in case he demands sex is bliss.

Bless you. I really feel for you. So glad that you are so much happier now.

This thread is really thought-provoking. Congratulations to all the women who have escaped and are now living their best lives.

I hope it will encourage other women who are unhappy in their marriage to leave.

1. No walking on eggshells. Relaxing in my own home and enjoying my evenings.
2. Enjoying my time with the DC instead of resenting that I'm doing all the drudgery.
3. If the house is a mess then so what. It's my mess, I'll clean it when I feel like it.
4. Planning and booking a holiday that I want to go on.

Thank you for this thread, it’s amazing how many common themes run through the responses. It totally validates how I feel sometimes despite having an amazing partner in many ways. This thread makes me feel normal for thinking that living with a man long term (who WFH full time!) can be seriously hard work

No more conspiracy theories.
No more batshit right wing ideas.
A sense of calmness and not having to explain myself constantly.
Yes yes, so much tidier! And cleaner and smells nice!
DD and I getting closer.

And the very best thing, I had all the drawers in the bedroom to myself so all my clothes fitted in.

I now have pets
Pictures on the wall
Budget is under control and no overdraft or the sick feeling over not knowing what debts were going to appear next
Not hearing his lies
I can go out whenever I want without his cat's bum face scowling at me
No more empty bottles hidden away
No more Leonard Cohen and Pink Floyd music ruining my Sunday
But best of all, not having to listen to his BLOODY SNORING!

No fucking sports on tv. No football, rugby, athletics, cricket (I quite like a bit of tennis though).

This thread is a begging for a thesis.

Another contribution: I can use leftovers without being asked "why are we eating leftovers? Are you short of money?"

I'm not divorced but dream about it...
When he works away or visits family the home is bliss
Calmer
Happier
Teenagers who interact instead of hiding in their rooms.

I think we’ve been married to the same person… esp the no clean clothes at 6.15am and every time he loses something, the only explanation is it’s my fault!! 🤣

Well done 👍