Things I've noticed since the divorce

[TheWestfoldFell]

1. My house (I managed to buy a little home) is much cleaner and tidier despite the ikea boxes

2. I spend a lot less money on groceries AND my work lunches come out of this

3. my kids are a lot more chatty and animated when they are with me (50/50)

4. he's a narc

For me it was better smell 😂 and no more wrestling on the tv and no more empty bottles everywhere. Among many things.

My bedroom is now a sanctuary and somewhere I can relax and sleep well.

No one taking money out of the account and leaving me and the kids short.

I don't have to walk on eggshells and try to protect the kids from seeing their behaviour. (He was addicted to porn)

Cook what I like, eat what I fancy.

Watch on tv what I like.

No in-laws to deal with and buy gifts for.

No ironing.

No shit stains all over the toilet bowl.

No being shouted at and blamed if I accidentally get a scratch on the car ir if it breaks down.

No having to pick up the pieces when they decideto go on a bender and looses his keys, wallet etc and the bad mood that follows for days afterwards.

No having to apologise to people for his behaviour.

The list is endless. The peace I still feel even years later is priceless.

More spare money even though I pay for everything. I had nothing left at the end of the month previously, now I overpay my mortgage every month and went on a city break last month too!

I can work more hours on the days he has the children, or I can go to the gym without begging him to get home from work in time (which he never did) meaning I have more time with the kids the days I have them as I’ve already done more hours.

i always have flowers in the house

he liked a colour palette of grey and neutrals, yes his home looks more ‘home magazine like’ but now I have bright towels, kitchen implements and use colour wherever I like!

I can now have friends over

• Being able to eat what I wanted and not having to go through the performance of cooking a big meal every night when I just want something quick
• Sooo much less washing (how big are men's shirts & how small are my clothes in comparison!)

Got Sunday back as a day of leisure when I could do things, go places.

For him, Sunday was all about the Sunday roast at lunchtime (which he never cooked).

Edited to add: being able to furnish my house like a home, and not a student rental.

Not getting into bed each night resolutely clinging to my side in case he made a move as I couldn't bear him touching me.

Decorating my new place as I want without compromise.

Unfortunately when I need to go to the FMH to collect kids etc, I itch at the state of it and realise now how little housework he actually did - no wonder I was fed up living with him.

Best of all - childfree weekends to spend with new DP 😍

This thread is just what I needed, now. My husband has told me he wants to separate and I feel frightened and lonely. Your posts are giving me hope it won't.always feel like this and the sense of loss will lessen, in time.

A full bedding set - he used to change the bed but not change one pillowcase or not change the bottom sheet. Was never a complete bedding set and used to drive me insane!!
No resentment of a left out cup etc
A clean toilet (he didn't see the point in having a clean toilet bowl)
My stuff still being there
I can buy myself flowers without being told I'm wasting money

Photographs displayed and an amazing colour pallete for the walls. We laugh so much more.

Un skidded bed sheets! What? He couldn't even wipe his own arse?

Apparently not, @BileBeansSara 😂

The best thing of all is that it's no longer my problem.

Fabulous thread. Ex moves out next week (I bloody hope) and this gives me massive optimism. I look forward to the house not feeling constantly grubby with a layer of frying pan grease on everything. And it's a relief to hear that money isn't as tight as expected for you all, I guess having control over family spending means you can properly plan and budget. Thank you!

I hope women who are contemplating separation or divorce read this thread and see what is possible, that they can do it and have a better, happier life.

More time despite working full time, no running around after a man child.

More money, looking back he was financially abusive as well as emotionally.

Peace, no treading on eggshells and putting up with his unpredictable temper.

Happier, more social daughter. He was vile towards her.

This is a really positive thread showcasing how capable we are. Not only able to cope but in fact that life for us and our children is improved post separation.

I’m enjoying reading these quiet success stories very much.

Agree with the big meals thing!!

I never got to even pick the food shopping list let alone what was for tea that evening. So it's nice to be able to just have whatever I want, when I want

I remember getting up one weekend morning alone in my little home and my heart was singing, I felt I was floating on air with joy because I was free of him.

This is all very reassuring. My marriage is exhausting and I'm getting tired of walking on eggshells because of the mess, because we make too much noise, because the financial pressure is on him (but he spends most of it), because there isn't enough sex etc. It's good to know the grass can be greener.

This is lovely 🥰

I've been in my little nest for a month now. No regrets 🥰🥰

I'm 2 years post divorce and this still happens to me all the time, especially when it comes to going to bed and getting up in the morning. There is suddenly so much air and light. I honestly don't think I will ever live with a man again.

👆
Cannot wait to live on my own.
Fortunately no kids.

Makes you wonder why people choose to remarry!

1. No having to buy his family xmas/Birthday presents.
2. No moaning about how I stack the dishwasher wrong.
3. No moaning about how dirty the house is even when I just cleaned it.
4. Not having to cook every night even though I also worked full time.
5. Being able to cook a roast dinner every Sunday if I want to and not having him complaining about how much mess it causes even though he didn't clear up.
6. Not having to do what he wanted just to keep the peace or getting the silent treatment.
7. No having to congratulate him for doing the washing for once.

😂Great thread, I could just keep on going.....

Had to FaceTime the ExH last night to give him instructions on how to add tea tree oil to a spray bottle of water to spray on DSs scalp (dandruff problem - he has Head and shoulders but needs something better. This can be sprayed on after shampooing and drying his hair)

Anyways....on FaceTime of course he was walking around the house as I was telling him where things were...and the house was still as grubby/untidy as the day I left 🙈🙈

I can sleep in my favourite nightie, or even naked, without getting pestered (god I don't miss that).

Even though money is tight I can manage our budget to get us through the month.

Me and DS are more relaxed and happy and laugh a lot.

I am gradually re-discovering who I was...and I'm quite impressed with myself 😍