Can we have a general divorce chat please?

[BirthdayRainbow]

My h moved out in July. I did not know he wouldn't be coming back but I'm fine that he hasn't. I feel like I was absolutely fine at the start as knew it was the right thing but now I'm feeling so heartbroken at what has caused this situation. I don't want him back. It's the right thing. So why am I so sad?

any advice re kids would be great. They are all over 18 but it's like he's struggling with the split that he thinks he doesn't have to be a father anymore.

Please don't apologise @Whsthappensnow. I know you have a lot on. I'm happy you chat to me and appreciate your advice and support.

I took DS to the station went to get petrol and milk and again the petrol station was shut. When I came home I found the box on the floor, lid off and the home made bread that had been inside nowhere to be seen. It is clear that Naughty Cat knocked the box off the counter, the lid came off and Doggy ate the bread. It was half a loaf! So she didn't get her biscuit for staying home alone and she isn't getting her Saturday night treat either. Just hope she isn't up in the night with tummy upset.

Sounds like you have had a busy day but a good one.

I don't think his message was bad tbh. You feeling like he has no chat, maybe he's shy. Maybe he hasn't had time to get into a proper conversation yet. Slow and steady wins the race. Don't stress. There is a happy medium between shagging about and using someone for sex. There are decent men around.

My friend hasn't replied yet and actually lives a long way away but we've been friends on and off since school and I used to see her every four months or so but haven't for nearly a year. I'm fine with what I've said and can handle things better now.

I haven't thanked h for my money either. Why the hell should I. It's mine anyway. Just so happens he put it all in his account but in a few weeks he'll have to give me a bug lump sum and he won't like it. DD said he's doing better with texting her but I doubt he will give them anything for Easter. I bought DS2 something as it was only £6 and he didn't want an egg so I gave the other kids the same amount. H never did Easter for them. It was always me and tbh it was never anything more than an egg anyway. Now they are all away from home they can use the money and buy their own if they want.

I replied to LE lovely message after thinking what to say for a couple of hours. He's not replied though. Hope he does but I know it is hard. He's away next week for work but can't meet up as his colleagues are going too.

Gosh@BirthdayRainbow I have a cat like . that. I hope yours is ok after that. I'm dreading the state my house is going to be in when I get back. She's even pulled curtain rails down and destroyed house plants before!

Yes it's been an OK day thanks. My mum saw me smiling when I got another message. I told her what was happening then got a lecture about not needing complications in my life lol! And I said but this one is self sufficient and comes with no baggage! Anyway yes you're right. My friend says he's very shy but only with women but also a bit socially awkward. She is insisting he's decent and it's worth putting in the effort.

That sounds promising about your friend. I feel like it might help you now talking to someone who knows a bit more of your history and having an understanding about what's gone on since. You don't necessarily need her take on it you just need someone else who knows you to hear your truth.

So I didn't buy DC too much chocolate. I bought them lego in lieu of Easter eggs. I don't want too much chocolate hanging around the house. Need to look after myself now!

Hope he finds some time to message you at some point.

@Whsthappensnow I have put the cats to bed as naughty cat was being a pain. I'm more worried about doggy as it was a huge piece of bread. Seeing as I'm probably not picking ds up until midnight I've got plenty of time to keep an eye on her. Though she is whining so not sure if she wants to go to bed or is wondering why she hadn't had her Saturday night treat.

He won't message now as it's late. I might wish him happy Easter tomorrow but would rather he reply to me. I keep smiling at his message which isn't good really.

Your mum is just looking out for you. I hope he messages you tomorrow and things move along.

I don't feel I can tell my friend everything as what she said was partly why I tried to end my life. No one needs to hear that but I feel she has to understand you can't say such awful things and expect to just move on. I don't know whether to tell her nothing about the attempt, just that I tried or all three reasons why I did.

@BirthdayRainbow I'm sure they'll all be OK but at least you're up a bit later on the off chance it does all go wrong! Sometimes you just have to block out the noise!

Yes it's up to you with LE but try and leave it for as long as possible but ideally he should be in touch first.

I don't know if I'll hear from him again in a while. He's away visiting family and I've told him I'm away so we'll see what happens. I get what everyone is saying at the moment but in my mind all im thinking is I really want to get this right and I don't want to screw it up!

OK,I get what you mean about your friend. I have not made an attempt on my life but I have trauma that people could judge me for and have done in the past. I don't think anyone will understand your situation or pretend to but if you don't get a certain degree of empathy from them then it's not worth it. I drip feed things and only divulge things from my past when I'm 100 percent sure they either need to know, are ready to hear it and I can cope with a potentially negative response.

I think you are rightn@Whsthappensnow and I will wait until after lunch. All I would say is happy Easter. I did get a very long message from him when I asked what his plans for Easter were. He told me what he had done today and what was happening next week. Then after I had replied he sent a really lovely message about how he feels about me. I really want a reply to what I said but I think he'll be thinking can't right now..

Maybe message Mr Photographer once you are back from holiday. You won't mess this up. Just be natural and you'll be okay.

I have already told her I was very ill and lucky I didn't die yet she asked nothing. Just lots of I hope you are getting support. She doesn't know it is mental health bad health but knows physically I have issues. If I do tell her everything and don't get what I should back then I'll be fine to walk away.

@BirthdayRainbow Morning! So yes with LE I think it's a good approach to kind of put yourself in his shoes and manage your expectations but I hope you hear from him soon.

I'll do that with the photographer. I had to edit the last message loads before I sent it because I'd mentioned my ex and my kids then thought No! Don't do that! So he's with family at the moment turns out he's from the same town in Dorset as my ex. I'd actually written that because I'm an idiot so changed it to 'I love it there. I know it well ' lol! But if its kept me off Tinder and stopped me thinking about that bloke round the corner that's all I need for now!

This issue with your friend is vaguely familiar territory. I had a life changing illness years ago. An infection in my brain that meant learning to walk again and personality changes. A lot of people kept their distance because they 'didn't know what to say' I heard that line about getting the help you need and actually use it on my ex so I see it as a bit of a fob off. It's up to you how you play it but if you are not getting what you want out of it then why put yourself through it. Concentrate on the people who are there and who are supportive.

Happy Easter🐣 @Whsthappensnow and everyone else who has joined in or is reading. Please feel free to post.

I failed and messaged LE Happy Easter and he replied straight away. It would have been nice if he'd said something about my reply to his shockingly lovely message but I'm okay that he hasn't. I know how far he can go and what he can cope with and is feeling right now and tbh I would never have expected what he did say so I'm good.

I used to live in Dorset. For all of a week. I got sacked from my nanny job for not forcing the under two year old to put his gloves on before going out in the snow. He didn't want to put them on so I thought that's ok, we'll go out in the snow, he'll get cold and then put them on no drama.

Well done over the messages. Definitely don't mention your ex. He'll think you're not over him. It is always a good idea to think about texts before they are sent. I sometimes put them in my calendar as sometimes I've pressed send by mistake and wait to make sure I want to say what I have put. It doesn't always work. I waited two hours after his message yesterday and I'm not happy with it even now!

Huge win to not be thinking about Mr Round the Corner. Who? Is what I want you to practice saying to yourself.

Very wise re the friend, thank you. She has said it a couple of times but also said remember I am brilliant and loved so I'm confused. Is she saying she still loves me - as a friend of course. Haven't heard from her since our long messages and I haven't wished her HE for today. I'm relaxed about what happens which is huge progress as it has been a toxic friendship. Partly because of how I felt about myself and what I thought she was.

DS1 has landed safely, thought he was back tomorrow and DS2 has asked if we can get a takeaway kebab and chips for tea. Not what I would have chosen but why not? I haven't had a kebab since I was 19 and living in Belgium. I'm a bit surprised my MIL hasn't invited my son for Easter but worried she's not because h doesn't want me there. I wouldn't have gone but I don't see what DS should miss out. We would normally go for lunch on Easter Sunday.

Hi everyone. How are you all doing?

Yesterday afternoon and evening I was a bit stressed as I'll be finding out soon how the assets will be split. Which I think explains the dream I had. I was remarrying H and his mum was very supportive. I had a dress, needed shoes, she was getting the flowers. The divorce was still going through yet the wedding was being planned. I was saying why am I doing this? I don't want to do this. I don't even like him. Then I saw he had taken something from his side of the wardrobe and the same from my side. I said no, I'm not doing this. Then DS woke me up!

What a bloody dream. And no, I do not want to remarry him!

Following on from my last comment, this week I have had my divorce request pronounced in court.