Can we have a general divorce chat please?

[BirthdayRainbow]

My h moved out in July. I did not know he wouldn't be coming back but I'm fine that he hasn't. I feel like I was absolutely fine at the start as knew it was the right thing but now I'm feeling so heartbroken at what has caused this situation. I don't want him back. It's the right thing. So why am I so sad?

any advice re kids would be great. They are all over 18 but it's like he's struggling with the split that he thinks he doesn't have to be a father anymore.

It's okay @Whsthappensnow as my son scanned the letters for me and I've sent them to my solicitor.

That is all good things to say and if we meet up I will say it. I felt I barely said anything about what was going on for me last time. It was all about her. I didn't really care as knew I didn't want to tell her but it hurts a bit.

Hi @BirthdayRainbow Just checking in. I thought you might have had another therapy session and I wanted to give you some space but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and I hope it went well.

Hi @Whsthappensnow how are you?

That is so kind, thank you. I did miss chatting to you but also didn't want to post too much so was waiting for you.

I got an email and bill from my solicitor and we aren't having the meeting as planned as I've got a really early start that day and he doesn't think it is the right day. H won't be happy but I'm doing something for DS2 so it is tough and we will have to do it the following week. It delays things for me too!

Therapy went well in that I ranted and swore a lot and my therapist said some times one just needs to vent, it needs to come out and she was very supportive and lovely. It was hard but then it nearly always is but then I feel that means it is me making good progress.

Last night I was upset as my lovely ex confused me with texts then this morning I woke up having dreamt that h was having an affair. I dreamt he was having an affair previously and could hardly speak to him all day. He said he wasn't and wasn't responsible for what I dreamt. But at time of the dream I know now he was at the very least talking to the woman he went on to have the affair with if not already progressed to sending photos that I know he eventually did. I'd be hurt if he was seeing someone else already especially as he's treating me like crap and also would feel crap if he is having sex with her and she is normal having not been SA as a child.

First thing I voice noted with my oldest and best friend and cried a bit then walked the dog somewhere different, down and up a big hill then to the field she likes. Then I took DS2 shopping and was feeling better re lovely ex as in not letting it consume me. DS2 and I then spent ages going through more things in the loft and have packed, shredded, binned and charity bagged more stuff. Feels good to get more done. Just realised I haven't had anything to eat all day again though.

I messaged LE (lovely ex) and he replied and said chat away and we have exchanged a few texts where we say what needed to be said. Sometimes I'm not good at this as worry how he will take things but I'm proud I was brave. Ridiculous as that may sound. We have known each other since we were fourteen, been close since 15 and have spoken on and off for more than 18 years so if we can't be honest it is a bit sad. I just need to learn to cope better when he does certain things.

How is everything with you? Have you finished work for Easter now?

Hi @BirthdayRainbow I think it sounds like you are making progress and you had a lot of things to process.

Solicitors appointment? I don't think a week is much in the grand scheme of things. Do you have to tell your ex it's because of something else? Does he even need a reason? Anyway, I hope he doesn't give you any grief over it.

You are on the right track with LE. I think I know what he means though but I also think you understand the situation better than he gives you credit for!

Yes has an OK day today but I wasn't able to speak to the boss about the issues I've been having but I actually didn't need any negativity so just thought, no, this can wait.

My friend met me in town for coffee before work so that was nice. She thinks there's another single friend of hers I might be interested in.

@Whsthappensnow I don't know if my solicitor will say I can't do that day now or why. He might not have even given it as an option. If h asks me I'll say why. It all depends if he knows what DS is doing that day.

My problem with LE is that sometimes I get overwhelmed and scared and forget all we have been through and that it's always ended up okay.

Good plan to let things wait. Hopefully it will be sorted soon to your benefit.

Are you going to swap details with your friend's friend?

I am currently really cold. Yet the house is fine as the radiators haven't come on. It's blowing a gale outside having been raining. I need to eat but I'm going to make a hot chocolate just to try and warm up.

@BirthdayRainbow Well I hope you can schedule something and I hope everyone is OK with it!

Just try and hold on to that with LE. You need to keep things with him on an even keel as they are at the moment.

Yes with work, when I'm in the right frame of mind I'm going to write some things down. One thing in particular,I have learnt this week is that I'm happier in secondary rather than primary and I've found the GCSE/B-tech prep very rewarding.

I need to figure out what's best with this other bloke. Friend does think he'd be a good match for me, he's creative, has a great job and is good looking. He's also a dad. There's always a snag isn't there, so there's a few, first we're in cougar town again. Massively, secondly, he's got mental health issues, thirdly, keeps getting back with very toxic ex.

Given there is still jobs in the house to do and the garden needs a look and he has been once this week, we wouldn't be ready to put the house on the market that next day anyway, @Whsthappensnow !

LE has explained why he didn't respond to some messages, though he said good night, so I understand more. He's told me this before but it's not always apparent to me that he's feeling what he said he is feeling.

I used to be a TA in one school and listened to reception children read for four years as they grew. I loved it.

I think the toxic ex returning would be the deal breaker for me.

Morning! @BirthdayRainbow and everyone else that may or may not still be here! I'm (slightly) hungover this morning. Just got a McDonald's breakfast delivered and I'm watching Greys Anatomy in bed before I tackle holiday packing!

That is a good point about the work on your house. I just hope it's not too much of a delay but if the work isn't making good enough progress then your ex has no comeback on you for delaying appointments but hopefully it will all work out.

I think you understand LE really well. And from experience aren't all men a bit rubbish at vocalising thier opinions.

Well there's not much reading or any learning going on in our lower classes really so I don't see much of that but getting them college places is the rewarding bit for me at the moment! Having said that the school does try to stress the importance of literature and we still read to them even in year 11!

So by the time my friend had messaged her friend again yesterday evening he was already back with the ex!

So we started talking about the photographer again. She is very protective of him. She said she wanted to make sure I was absolutely ready before she approached him on my behalf. I explained to her that I hadn't pushed it because I was worried about how I'd take it if he wasn't interested. She said he is the perfect gentleman and he'd find a way to let you down gently.

I also said I am trying to be OK with being on my own and accept I don't need a man for validation but just recently I have been considering other options and neither of them would be great for my mental health so I think I'm in the right place to give it a go.

I did say though I have another reservation as he looks a bit like my ex in one of the pics on his Website but she thinks that's a really bad picture!

Hi @Whsthappensnow and yes everyone else. If you're reading join in. We'd love to hear from you.

Your morning sounds lovely @Whsthappensnow . I used to love watching Greys Anatomy but now that h has gone I don't know how to watch things that aren't on normal tv or on demand. I love the idea of a McDonalds but I have intolerances and I never know how I'm going to be plus, not eating much still.

DS2 have spent hours in the loft these past few days so we are more than doing our bits. H is doing DIY but what I am doing is just as time consuming and exhausting. Plus DS2 and I will need to do at least two trips to the charity shop and my bin is full already and won't be emptied until a week on Monday.

When I read LE text about not being great at communicating I thought On not another one! But occasionally he lets slip some things and it all makes sense. He is very much protecting himself at times but doesn't realise that sometimes it is at the expense of me and some of my problems are because of the realisation I have feelings for him and how much I would miss him if we didn't talk anymore.

Bloody hell! He didn't hang about. But, he was no go anyway imo.

If you want to tell me what your other options that you were thinking feel free but it sounds like you have been very honest with your friend and hopefully she wants to protect both of you so it will work out okay.

I know I am totally not interested in anyone else and can't imagine being so. My heart is taken it so appears.

@BirthdayRainbow Greys is on Disney+ now. Subscription is only about 2 quid a month and it's really easy to set up. I think I even did it through my Amazon account. It wasn't a great episode though to be honest.

Didn't enjoy the McDonald's to be honest and they messed up the order so that'll teach me!

That sounds like you're doing well with all the clearing out. Hope you can make a start with the charity shop runs. Could you do some trips to the tip or start selling more stuff online? Or maybe just take a break for a bit?

So are you certain that LE understands your feelings? Is it worth discussing it with him? I do think you protect yourself too though.

My friend said she'd spent 2 years trying to convince her friend to leave this partner. She said he isn't invited to the wedding and she's given up on him now!

So there's one online dating site I've never tried because I find the idea of that particular one intimidating. I also have felt like I was just scrolling through catalogues of sex pests and potential psychopaths but even though I've been tempted. I've resisted the urge. I also have had the urge to contact the bloke round the corner so those were my 'options' and both would have been stupid.

Anyway, photographer, she gave him a heads up. She asked me to send him a friend request on fb. He accepted. I've sent him a jokey message but had no response yet.

Oh I'm so glad you are here @Whsthappensnow I'm in such a bad mood and worse thing is I swore at doggy when she left her ball in thick brambles and kept going the wrong way to get it. I calmed down and talked nicely then she suddenly ran and got it. I gave her well done biscuits and then we left. Rubbish walk as not as long as usual.

I'm in a bad mood because I have to RSVP to h cousins wedding and while I think I've worked out how to say that the children and I aren't going I'm feeling so hurt that out of nine cousins, one has sent a card. No one else could even be bothered to send a text to say they were sorry. I've always sent cards for everything, gifts each time numerous babies were born with one thank you received and I text as well. I think I'm hurt as I know if h has lied to DS1 about why we've split then he will probably have lied to anyone else he's told. That could be why no one has messaged. I'm annoyed that I'm upset as well.

When I move my youngest is going to come to the house to help me set up the television and wi-fi etc so he will help me.

With the tip you have to book and I'm going to make h do any trips. I have put loads of stuff on vinted but it is very hit and miss. I have four bags for the charity shop now and ds and I will go on Tuesday to drop at least two off. I heard somewhere they will only take two bags at a time.

There is so much shredding to do as well. I've only got a small shredder and it keeps needing time to cool down. Luckily it is paper and cardboard being collected next week so I'll get rid of loads then and h took a massive bag of shredded paper last week along with some other stuff for selling and charity. I'll let it go that he will keep the money from selling even though I bought them out of my housekeeping. Pick your battles..

LE absolutely knows how I feel. He finds it hard at times as he has feelings too. He has been incredible with support over how h is acting and with legal stuff as well. He's definitely had my back.

People want what they want and even when they are treated badly they can't walk away. When h cheated I didn't leave as I didn't think I could, I didn't think I would manage and I didn't want to do it to the children. Even though it was all h fault. Yet somehow, if mum leaves she carries the guilt and is often blamed. Who knows why he goes back but there is no helping some people. They have to come to it in their own time.

No. Not the bloke around the corner. You've got rid of one dickhead. You don't need another. He had his chance.

Is the website for particular likes?

I hope the photographer replies. But be smart. Just take it slowly and friendly.

Hi again @BirthdayRainbow Sorry to hear you're not feeling great. I have to say often both people and animals have felt my wrath too. Don't feel bad about it. I'm sure your dog will forgive you for it but is there any chance you could get out again later or maybe do a bit more tomorrow?

Yes it's not that easy with tips and charity shops now us it. Some of the charity shops round here you have to call in advance these days. Definitely agree about picking your battles.

That's excellent LE has your back and that he's great with the practical advice too. I hope you hear from him again later especially when you're not having a great day.

Re the family thing. Obviously that's familiar territory for me and it was with ex's family too. For some reason I remember being absolutely desperate to clear my name with them at one point even though I couldn't give a crap about them. Can't really give you any advice because I just stopped all contact in the end.

So friend of a friend, we were saying sometimes we get it because it's difficult to leave but the thing is he has no ties to her. So it might just be that he doesn't want to be on his own.

Bloke round the corner, there were details I hadn't told my friend before and she said she couldn't believe how much he'd led me on and messed with my head. I have absolutely no idea why he's still on my mind sometimes.

So, website, not a dodgy fetish one or anything. I'm only on about Tinder, it's just for some reason I've always seen it as a last resort and I have no idea why.

So I offered to help him at the wedding. My friend thought that was a great opener! I got back a laughing emoji and 'should be fun' and now I have no idea how to respond!

I absolutely do not want to mess this up! So yes very slow but need to keep interest up too!

Doggy has forgiven me @Whsthappensnow and I will give her longer tomorrow. The morning is always her main walk anyway but usually I do another hour in the afternoon and today it was barely 45 minutes.

I haven't messaged or heard from LE today and I don't really expect to. Though there's no way to know. He messaged a few times late on Wednesday so I thought he was away for work but he wasn't. I try not to message in the evening but sometimes he texts me so then I would reply. Don't want to cause any problems. His advice has been amazing and he's been right about h behaviour right from the start. He told me he was never good enough for me.

It has dawned on me he probably hasn't told his cousins anything so maybe they just don't want to talk to me or get involved. I suspect he's told his brother we just weren't happy. If indeed his brother asked or h said anything. I've pretty much stopped sending cards. If they have rung or written or are children or grandchildren of those that have rung then I'm still sending the cards. One cousin had an affair and then subsequently married the woman he cheated with. No one seems to have noticed or been bothered. First wife has been dropped by everyone. It's awful. She's the mother of the grandchildren and nieces and has been in the family since a teenager. So, I expect the same and it's not like I ever got an cards or texts anyway.

It can be hard to be on your own. Plenty of people stay in bad relationships as they think it is better. But you don't meet Miss or Mr Right if you are sticking with Miss or Mr Right now/will do.

Mr round the corner could still be on your mind because it feels like unfinished business because you didn't get to say your piece. But even if you did he wouldn't care. Squash him from your mind. He's not the one for you. If it was great sex then you'll have better with a decent broke where there is a proper emotional attachment too.

Ah, just Tinder! It does have certain connotations which is a shame as I'm sure plenty have met their life partners there. I haven't ever been on it so all I thought was it was for sexual encounters with little notice but maybe there are people who want proper relationships posting on there too.

Mr Photographer - ask him if he knows the couple, what he loves about photographing weddings, how long he has been doing it. Then if it all goes well you could say you did mean the offer of help but you realise he might have it all covered. I don't know! Not dated or chatted anyone up in decades not counting LE

Hi again @BirthdayRainbow glad you've been forgiven! I've not left the house today so wouldn't have even had the energy for 45 minutes!

Bless LE that's a very humble thing for him to say. Also under the circumstances is does sound as if he us texting when he can but also being careful.

That's how I feel about ex's family. There's an aunt that sends things for the dc but actually I wish she wouldn't.

That's what I was trying to say to my friend about bloke round the corner. For sure it's unfinished business but I know any explanation would have been bullshit so I decided not to waste my time. We still think he's going through something though. And if he knocked on my door and apologised I'd find it hard to say no but I don't think it's going to happen.

So that was exactly my reservation with Tinder but it turns out all the sites have people on it that just want hook ups, and non monogamous people and couples looking for a third wheel sometimes I feel in the minority being a relatively ordinary middle aged heterosexual woman! You have to sift through a lot of rubbish and to say its tiresome and exhausting is an understatement. My friend yesterday said she can see the damage its done to me lately and she's glad she doesn't have to do it anymore and can't believe how much worse it's got since she was on it.

So, he's also best man. He's her fiancées best friend. The fiancee is the same age as me so he knows my age and he's fine with it. Know the answer to most of those things from grilling my friend there's other references I can make to the wedding as its an unusual venue I just don't want to be one of those 'how was your day?' Types all the time. Thing is, ultimately he's a great catch but my friend rekons the communication and shyness is the reason he's on his own.

Tough nut to crack I think she said - give me strength! Lol! Anyway I'll send one more message and I'm going to see her in the morning and ask her for some more tips!

I realised afterwards I didn't explain it right @Whsthappensnow . LE said my ex h was never good enough for me. They have met. Once. LE said he was being very possessive of me but I wouldn't have noticed, he said h was like that because he knew what LE means to me.

I really want to talk to LE tonight but I won't message. It's crushing when he doesn't answer. I might in a day or two.

Even if he did apologise you didn't have to do anything right then. You could start differently. Date rather than immediate sex. But it's up to you but I still don't think he is right for you.

Even though you know all the answers to the questions, does he know you know? Was just trying to think of something to say.

@BirthdayRainbow Oh I see. If they've only met once then it must have been very obvious for him to say that. And yes sometimes I forgot that your ex knows about the situation with LE. So that absolutely explains the behaviour.

Is he taking time off work for Easter I wonder? If so yes give it a couple of days but hopefully he'll check in if he can find the time.

The thing with the bloke round the corner is it doesn't feel like a one night stand because when I look back, I had basically been chasing him for the best part of a year. He was confusing me. He would often tell me he was single and talk about places we could go or things he could cook for me and if I said let's arrange something then he'd then just say I'm too busy and change the subject. I know he's not the one. I'm struggling to write it off because I invested so much time in it. Also, when we spent quite a bit if time together one day last summer it was in a professional capacity but he charged me half the going rate and on that night when I slept with him he told me he did that so he would be able to spend time with me. He can't even look me in the eye though so I doubt I'll even get a conversation out him!

I need to clarify with my friend what she's said

I've thought about the day they met @Whsthappensnow and I can't think of anything that h did that was being possessive except for one look when I gave LE a hug to thank him for coming. In front of h so nothing untoward but there must have been something I missed. A few weeks ago when we argued H said about me always loving LE and I could be with him now. H knew there was one ex that had been a long and significant relationship so I never hid anything and he chose to date me, get engaged and marry me.

Given his job I expect he has a today and Monday off as extra.

I can see how you feel. He must have known you liked him and it can't feel nice how he has treated you but this is one of those times when you don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. The time you spent liking him has gone. You can't get it back and giving him more time won't make how he has treated you any better. He isn't the one. You can do much much better. He isn't the love of your life and tbh he is not a friend either. He is someone you thought you knew but didn't live up to your hopes and expectations.

@BirthdayRainbow So probably looking for something that wasn't there and maybe a little bit of gaslighting from your ex perhaps?

Yes then hopefully you'll hear from him at some point.

Agreed and bloke round the corner saw me in some quite vulnerable situations too Perhaps I wasn't ready and I'm not quite healed from it. But actually it never even crossed my mind about being friends. Not going to happen. And I don't use his company anymore, neither do my friends and we think he may have lost the contract with work too.

I'm feeling low too and it just started to feel like it could go the same way with the photographer. I just had a fleeting feeling like it might be too much work.

I totally believe my LE with how h was acting but re h, I was fully committed to him and our marriage and I loved him very much. But, I would never have ignored my LE if he needed me for anything. He's been in and out of my life and usually goes as he can't handle how he/we feel. But this time is different. He felt guilty as he knew he broke my heart, we are older, he said let's try and be friends so I said yes. But that day he also said I broke his. Then my dc went missing and he was incredible. He was the first person I told that H had slept with someone else and I was livid anyway but when h bollocked me and said I couldn't talk to LE anymore he knows that a few weeks later she was coming over and they were going to have sex. LE did not take advantage of the situation at all and was just very supportive.

Try not to feel low. Look how well you are doing! You've barely mentioned your ex h for a bit so that shows he's not being a dick or getting to you. You know where your boundaries are. You know what you want and deserve and I do think you are too hard on yourself, you know what you want and need to do differently next time. Just breathe. Hope for the photographer to be a new friend and then if there is chemistry then it is a bonus. If it is right it will be easy. But just be sure you are ready. It would be a shame to rush, he is the one, but you're not ready and it goes wrong. Be yourself, be open and true to yourself. Remember that he is lucky to maybe be with you! He might be nervous too.

So he's always been very dependable @BirthdayRainbow no wonder you feel like you do. It's quite a complex situation isn't it. Especially with the other issues and trauma you've had to deal with in your life.

Yes I feel like the ex has been the least of my worries this week. He has upset me but its felt like a minor irritation.

So I totally am ready to let someone in but I can't be arsed to chase and I was getting deja vu with chat being so difficult but it's very early days. I've had another very brief response but no inspiration to move the conversation on and friend actually said it's between us now. I might have caught her at a bad time. I'll leave it for now and see what happens tomorrow.

Morning @Whsthappensnow you are right. It is very complex. He is the first person I ever felt loved me and he has always just got me though I never realised how much as we were so young when we were together. We had years of being on and off as it was always so intense but we couldn't stay away from each other. I've always regretted going abroad as I think we would have ended up back together and a few years later we had a fling then a couple more after that I asked a mutual friend about him and they said he was married with kids. I'd not long met h so thought I have to move on. I found out years later he wasn't married then. There weren't kids then.

I am sorry your ex has upset you but it is good you can brush it off as a minor irritation.

Don't take your friend's comment to heart. There are so many reasons she could have responded as she did. With him, I know you don't want to chase but do you know what he has been told? Does he know this was an introduction in the hope you would both like to meet and start dating? If not then I'd be asking him for a drink. If yes, then if he doesn't progress things how bothered would you be? Being brave doesn't mean chasing or being desperate. Think about which scenario would annoy or upset you the most and that should give you the answer as to what to do.

My dog had me up again in the night so I'm tired and aching so much. I forgot to run yesterday so feel I should today as I'm worried about my mental health. I know I'm having a late night as DS2 will need picking up and I've got so much still to do plus I'm behind with my cleaning as well. I don't want to see h or ask for help but it would be nice if he actually bothered with the dog. He has walked her three times since July and only because I asked. Just one morning off walking would help so much. DS1 would take her but DS2 wouldn't and I'm fine with that.

@BirthdayRainbow It's the on off thing isn't it. You'd be questioning the decisions you made at the time. So many what ifs!

Yeah I'll see my friend this morning and it is very important that I establish that with her. She might not want to get involved but I do need to know if she's told him what I'm looking for and how much of my story he knows and that I establish I don't want to be talking to him the same way I was talking to those online dating pricks!

How bothered would I be if I screw it up? Very. Like you wouldn't believe. On paper apart from one (Huge) issue this guy is my ideal man. When you look at his FB profile it's as if AI has got into my brain and read my thoughts! Fit, well travelled,well educated, successful did I say fit? And creative. I was thinking we should go out together first with the couple who are getting married. I was thinking of suggesting we all go out for dinner or something. We were going to do something but he said he was working then my friend said something to me about being sure I'm ready which was weird when she knows I am. Maybe I need to convince her I'm actually over the bloke round the corner. It works both ways too though as I've said to her if he's too independent and rubbish with women (like that fit teacher. Same scenario mature ish guy, no kids got very used to his own company so v. Selfish) Also need to be more certain he's fine with the age difference. I don't want to waste my time and set myself up for (another) disappointment.

Any exercise you can get is good exercise you know that. Try and get out if you can and it's also good that you recognise the need.

Your ex should definitely help with the dog. Your dc do a bit when they're there. But you do need a break.

Oh God @Whsthappensnow so many what ifs. It's torture at times but we have now and I'm grateful for that. He told me he's never not thought about me.

It is a good idea to talk to your friend. You're not asking her to be a go between but you have every right to know what she has said. Protecting yourself is priority. Not their friendship.

My feeling is you don't need to convince your friend of anything. I understand your feelings but you have superpowers by the very nature of being a woman, being a mum, knowing what you want and knowing what you don't want. I don't know what the age gap is but I assume he knows. If he hadn't wanted to have a connection he wouldn't have said to your mutual friend to send a friend request. He has messaged you. Try not to over think it but there is no reason you can't ask him out or make a plan for lunch or dinner with the other couple. If he doesn't want to start anything then you've only lost a chance. I know it's not only as you would be sad but you've not lost someone you like, love, have kissed or slept with. It's not real yet. I'm not diminishing your feelings. I'm trying to keep it real to temper any disappointment but want you to feel confident and take charge of your own destiny.

I took it slow so by the time I'd read a bit, did a job, fed all the animals and got my clothes ready I knew I was going. I didn't run far but I ran then walked the dog with my friend. I've loads to do which helps. My friend I had a big fall out with last year has messaged again so I need to read that and answer. I only told her on Monday that h and I have separated.

I suspect h doesn't offer or ask to walk the dog as he doesn't want to see me. Last time he came I asked him if he would walk her so I could run and he really didn't want to. I offered a compromise that he take her and I run and then meet them and take over so we did that. I don't want to see him either but I'll have to do it all once I move. At the moment he's doing one visit a week to the house to do jobs, no parenting, no animal care, no packing or sorting. All he's doing is taking some stuff for the charity shop or tip once I've sorted it and diy in the house. He's out for lunches and dinners, running x four times a week, playing sport once or twice a week, going for long walks every day and having all his washing and cooking done.

Just had a lovely message off LE. Atm not replied as don't know what to say.

The friend I fell out with last year and messaged on Monday messaged again today. We've both exchanged long messages so we'll see how we go.

Hoping once I drop DS2 off I can get petrol and milk as don't think we've got enough until Tuesday.

Had to ask h where my house keeping was for the third month. He said not the last day. I said I get it last working day. Reckoned he had forgotten it was Easter. Even if true that doesn't make any sense as should still have had it yesterday. Got it today. Got a bloody headache with everything today.

Hi @BirthdayRainbow Sorry it's been a busy day. We had Easter celebrations in town this morning the dc wanted to get involved in, then my friends came over for lunch, then I had to finish packing and then over to my folks for dinner! Just relaxing now before an early start in the morning. Oh, and giving the neighbour instructions about what to do with the animals!

Anyway I completely get how you feel about LE. And I think with comments like he's never not thought about you I really don't blame you and id be exactly the same!

I spoke to my friend about the photographer. Actually she got my point and then she showed me the message she'd sent him. It was word to the effect of 'you're both lovely and have loads in common and assuming you are still single would you mind if she sends you a friend request so you can get to know each other' she also showed me his response which was 'why not, I'm always up for meeting new people ' which isn't a great response but as my friend reminded me, he doesn't know me yet.

Age gap, I am 7 years older than him lol! But he's never been married and has no kids. My friend said this isn't a problem for him as I was thinking why hasn't he found anyone to give him children? Anyway, friend saw my interaction with him so far and said that's perfect keep it up (even when I was about to knock it on the head because I feel like he's just got no chat whatsoever) friend keeps telling me to take it slow. Anyway, I said to her I don't want to talk to him like the blokes online and I don't want a situation like with the bloke round the corner when a one night stand took a year. She just said, trust me that's not going to happen again and certainly not with this one. So I'll keep messaging for now and I'll figure out what to do next when I get back from holiday. You are so right about wanting to take control of my destiny. I didn't like his line to my friend. I hope he's not putting it about like all the other ones are!

I'm glad you got your run and that you have been in touch with your friend. I think you will find it useful to have someone else to talk to who is nearby for now.

That paragraph about the stuff your ex doesn't do really resonated with me. I have times when I get really angry about that kind of thing when I've cleaned the house done school runs, all the life admin, a day at work and then I've had to unblock the loo and put the bins out and he's just sitting around scratching his bum! He did pay me today thankfully but I haven't bothered acknowledging it.

But it's all so stressful especially when you are running the house on your own it's important you get what you need on time.

Actually my ex hadn't given the dc anything for Easter. I bet he'll say he's forgotten too.