Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Is owning a house all that?

174 replies

mightbealittlebitmad · 18/03/2022 22:29

So my husband and I are mid separation because thing's aren't really working...

The idea is he will remortgage our current house to buy me out and I would put down said deposit for a shared ownership house..

Except I don't earn enough to get a mortgage for a shared ownership house!! I can only work 3 days a week around the kids so my income is limited and that's the deciding factor. Once my youngest is in school in September things can change but for now I'm stuck. I can work when I don't have the kids but I'll literally either be at work or with the kids and have no down time at all so that's not feasible. They are 4 and 6 so childcare isn't cheap, I use all of the nursery hours I'm entitled to all year round and can't even change it because no holiday club that his brother goes to will accept him until he's in school.

My options now are limited as there are no shared ownerships nearby with a lower share which could have been an option.

My choices are to spend the money I get from the house to live on or try to work things out. We don't want to break up but there are so many issues we need to work on and the idea was that I would buy and we would take things day by day but now that won't happen..

I don't have an issue with renting but it's so insecure and I could be asked to leave at anytime. With kids involved it's really not ideal, they need security.

I just feel so stuck, I either waste 30K on living expenses or I muddle about in a marriage desperately hoping we can turn it around and be properly happy.

Is owning a home really all that?!

OP posts:

Hellocatshome · 18/03/2022 22:34

I can work when I don't have the kids but I'll literally either be at work or with the kids and have no down time at all so that's not feasible.

I cant help with your house query but this sentence really stood out to me. You do realise that's how a large amount of people live dont you?

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 18/03/2022 22:41

I am in a similar situation. I rent post divorce and can't afford to get a mortgage, even though the rent I pay is more than a mortgage payment on my FMH. For me, it has been definitely better. The insecurity of renting is obviously always there, but if I bought, I could not afford the upkeep on a property. If the roof leaked or the boiler went, I just could not maintain it all on a single salary. I see renting as the least bad option - roof over my DC's head but someone else fixes the issues. I ignore the longer term problems, because I can't face everything, but we are happy and it's all been (2 houses, 8 years) been good.

Original poster

mightbealittlebitmad · 18/03/2022 22:43

@Hellocatshome

I can work when I don't have the kids but I'll literally either be at work or with the kids and have no down time at all so that's not feasible.

I cant help with your house query but this sentence really stood out to me. You do realise that's how a large amount of people live dont you?

I suppose I hadn't really, I'm thinking if I have the kids all day then work all night and vice versa I won't get any time to do anything

Maybe that's not realistic for now... I can work 2 weekday evenings a week and a few hours on a weekend as well as the 3 days a week my kids are in school/nursery..

OP posts:

CheshireCats · 18/03/2022 22:45

I agree with @Hellocatshome
That was the thing that stood out from your post for me too op.
Yes, either at work or with the kids is how I've spent the last 18years. I don't have the luxury of working less for "me time". I don't think I'm unusual either.

Original poster

mightbealittlebitmad · 18/03/2022 22:46

@Imsittinginthekitchensink

Well that's the advantage of renting. On such a low income I would struggle to afford any big changes to the house. I could afford "small" things like a boiler breaking but anything else not a chance. I would be going for a new build if I could so things would be limited but I time...

It's such a difficult decision. I might ask my financial advisor what my options are if I had a second job around the kids. It's not ideal but short term ish it could be an option....

OP posts:

biggreenhouse · 18/03/2022 22:47

how Much are new shared ownership houses near u? ones here are from about 170k so for 17k you could buy the Initial 10% share without a mortgage. then just add small staircasing as an when u are able to save in future. (providing u are buying a new one not a resale as the shared ownership model changed only recently to allow the 10% purchase)

FrownedUpon · 18/03/2022 22:48

You don’t want to be renting in retirement, so I’d plan to buy as soon as you can. Do you have a decent pension? Paying rent & the threat of having to move is awful when you’re older.

Original poster

mightbealittlebitmad · 18/03/2022 22:49

@CheshireCats

I agree with *@Hellocatshome* That was the thing that stood out from your post for me too op. Yes, either at work or with the kids is how I've spent the last 18years. I don't have the luxury of working less for "me time". I don't think I'm unusual either.

So how do you deal with that? My kids are incredibly hard work and I can't even get 5 minutes alone. Even the walk from the car to school which is less than 5 minutes is exhausting because they can't behave and I just feel broken. There are consequences to their bad behaviour but it makes zero difference and I'm just so so tired that I feel like I need some time out.

OP posts:

Original poster

mightbealittlebitmad · 18/03/2022 22:51

@biggreenhouse

I have 30K but the minimum share is 40% so the mortgage lenders are like nope.

OP posts:

Original poster

mightbealittlebitmad · 18/03/2022 22:52

@FrownedUpon

You don’t want to be renting in retirement, so I’d plan to buy as soon as you can. Do you have a decent pension? Paying rent & the threat of having to move is awful when you’re older.

No pension or at least nothing to write home about, I've worked minimum wage for such a long time that it's just not happening..

OP posts:

Tealightsandd · 18/03/2022 22:53

Does your husband earn enough to do the shared ownership? Could it work out that you stay in the family home and he moves out instead?

Or can you afford a flat, if not a house?

biggreenhouse · 18/03/2022 22:54

I'd go back and dog more with the housing association, as they may be advertising 40% shares but actually it to offer lower now. (I work in S/O sales)

www.sharetobuy.com/news/government-changes-to-shared-ownership-scheme/

biggreenhouse · 18/03/2022 22:57

dig*

Original poster

mightbealittlebitmad · 18/03/2022 22:57

@Tealightsandd

Does your husband earn enough to do the shared ownership? Could it work out that you stay in the family home and he moves out instead?

Or can you afford a flat, if not a house?

I can't even afford a flat because the only ones on shared ownership are 1 bed and I need a 2. I would rather stay in my marriage than my kids or me not have a proper bedroom..

Can't afford the house because of my earnings and the fact UC won't pay towards a mortgage but would cover my partial rent of a shared ownership..

OP posts:

Wintersbone · 18/03/2022 23:00

Couples counselling is cheaper as a first port of call.

dontblamemee · 18/03/2022 23:00

Why is you husband staying the family home? If you can't afford to house yourself because you work part time surely you should be staying the house and he can go rent a flat?

Original poster

mightbealittlebitmad · 18/03/2022 23:02

[quote biggreenhouse]I'd go back and dog more with the housing association, as they may be advertising 40% shares but actually it to offer lower now. (I work in S/O sales)

www.sharetobuy.com/news/government-changes-to-shared-ownership-scheme/[/quote]
The only things within a few miles from me are minimum 40% I could potentially move miles out but then that means moving schools, changing jobs when I've managed to find one in school hours in then place my kids go to school and more importantly taking them away from their dad. Whatever issues we have he so doesn't deserve that.

We still love each other but since lockdown I have no sex drive, his seems insane to the point where I feel coerced and I don't know how you get back from that. We are starting counselling in a couple of weeks anyway.

OP posts:

moanriver · 18/03/2022 23:21

Why do you and the kids have to move out? You should get the house and he goes elsewhere, even a two week break or sofa surf or just time apart. Or make yourselves less on top of each other at home, have separate me rooms and don't so things communally for a while. I don't know, but you shouldn't be forced to move.out with kids

Anthurium · 19/03/2022 05:08

If you don't up your working hours you will forever be stuck in a rental property.

I managed to get on to the shared ownership scheme with a 26k salary and 20k deposit in the south east in 2019.

I've recently given birth and am going back to work when my son is 6/7 months. I'm now on a 30k salary. The baby will be at the childminder 's until at least 9 months.

I think you need to be more determined in being in full time employment. It will be difficult to get a mortgage on a part time minimum wage salary unfortunately. I appreciate the SO is hard to find in some areas but do take @biggreenhouse advice

Booboobadoo · 19/03/2022 06:06

If you split, assuming you didn't have the children 50/50, you should receive some maintenance? Would the children spend time with their father if you split - therefore giving you some time without them?

Original poster

mightbealittlebitmad · 19/03/2022 06:17

@Anthurium

If you don't up your working hours you will forever be stuck in a rental property.

I managed to get on to the shared ownership scheme with a 26k salary and 20k deposit in the south east in 2019.

I've recently given birth and am going back to work when my son is 6/7 months. I'm now on a 30k salary. The baby will be at the childminder 's until at least 9 months.

Until September the only way I will ever get close to earning a full time wage is to work the hours I do now plus 2 evening a week and one shift at the weekend when the kids are with their dad.

Or pay for 2 extra days at nursery so I can up my hours to 30 and claim the money back via UC, depends how much I can claim back really. I earn minimum wage so I'm not loaded.

OP posts:

Westfacing · 19/03/2022 06:22

Have you had legal advice about moving out of the house with the children?

Westfacing · 19/03/2022 06:24

Yes, owning a home really is all that - that's why your husband is staying put!

ChangingStates · 19/03/2022 06:33

Why are you only getting 30k? Surely if you are separating and he is buying you out your share of your current home is worth an awful lot more than 30k? I suggest you go to mediation to work out a fair division of assets because it doesn't seem like you're getting a fair deal.

autienotnaughty · 19/03/2022 06:44

Are you going to be childrens main carer? I don't know if things have changed as this was 20 years ago but I was advised I could stay in family home with children until they left full time education. I did save to buy him out as I didn't want his name on mortgage plus my parents guaranteed me as I was a low earner. Also if you do want to leave 30k sounds low have you taken legal advice? If you can't afford to see a solicitor I know some womens charities are able to arrange free legal advice.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread