Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Is owning a house all that?

174 replies

mightbealittlebitmad · 18/03/2022 22:29

So my husband and I are mid separation because thing's aren't really working...

The idea is he will remortgage our current house to buy me out and I would put down said deposit for a shared ownership house..

Except I don't earn enough to get a mortgage for a shared ownership house!! I can only work 3 days a week around the kids so my income is limited and that's the deciding factor. Once my youngest is in school in September things can change but for now I'm stuck. I can work when I don't have the kids but I'll literally either be at work or with the kids and have no down time at all so that's not feasible. They are 4 and 6 so childcare isn't cheap, I use all of the nursery hours I'm entitled to all year round and can't even change it because no holiday club that his brother goes to will accept him until he's in school.

My options now are limited as there are no shared ownerships nearby with a lower share which could have been an option.

My choices are to spend the money I get from the house to live on or try to work things out. We don't want to break up but there are so many issues we need to work on and the idea was that I would buy and we would take things day by day but now that won't happen..

I don't have an issue with renting but it's so insecure and I could be asked to leave at anytime. With kids involved it's really not ideal, they need security.

I just feel so stuck, I either waste 30K on living expenses or I muddle about in a marriage desperately hoping we can turn it around and be properly happy.

Is owning a home really all that?!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 19/03/2022 17:27

It is very likely you would get more than 50% of all marital assets after debts - house equity, pension values, cars, savings less any loans/debts.

You DH has a higher borrowing potential and it seems that you are not sharing the DC 50:50.

The courts expect the DC to be housed equitably with both parents which means you need a larger share to achieve this.

You need to lawyer up and fast. The car loan is repaid from the marital pot, all pensions need to be valued.

Suzi9989 · 19/03/2022 17:28

Doesn't sound like you can afford a mortgage now. So if mortgage is what you really want, you will need to make the sacrifices.

Renting does have lots of advantages without the maintenance and other expenses.

If I were you, save up and buy when you can increase your earning potential

Good luck OP 🌻

LargeProsecco · 19/03/2022 17:33

If he pays you maintenance that can be used towards mortgage by some lenders & will help you borrow more.

You need to put yourself & DC first.

Do not do unpaid childcare for him so he can earn more - whilst it stops you from doing so - that is madness. He can afford childcare on 48K. He just doesn't want to.

Onlyrainbows · 19/03/2022 17:45

If you think you can get UC it's always best to rent. My DHs ex-wife is their main carer, and he definitely doesn't pay to house them (he has no means to do so) so maybe it's down to salary/assets?

catfunk · 19/03/2022 18:45

Op why are you only earning minimum wage after however many years of work ?
Is it because he's developed his career whilst you looked after his kids unpaid ?
What are you planning to do in old age re renting and with no savings or pension - Did you know you may be entitled to some of his pension ?
You need to speak to a solicitor ASAP

Original poster
mightbealittlebitmad · 19/03/2022 18:46

I've had a call from the financial advisor, she realised my UC at the moment doesn't include the housing element which it will for shared ownership so that will increase my chances.

I'm still not sure how much I'll get from the remortgage, I've had 2 evaluations from estate agents, one gave me a sale price and a remortgage price which was lower and the other just gave me the value. If the mortgage company say it's worth 215,000 as opposed to 210,000 I can get a profit of 46,000, I have 2K in savings currently and my dad will lend me 2K to make up the shortfall. I just don't know how to find out how much we can remortgage for, it's in the process but it can take ages.

OP posts:
Original poster
mightbealittlebitmad · 19/03/2022 19:06

@catfunk

Op why are you only earning minimum wage after however many years of work ? Is it because he's developed his career whilst you looked after his kids unpaid ? What are you planning to do in old age re renting and with no savings or pension - Did you know you may be entitled to some of his pension ? You need to speak to a solicitor ASAP
What is wrong with earning minimum wage? Some of us have to...

Anyway, I work in hospitality, always have. When I had my first child I left my job as a supervisor which was paid a bit more but the hours weren't feasible around my child and childcare wouldn't have been affordable. I left and found a part time job as a supervisor much closer to home and did evenings and weekends around my husband. Then I had my second child and realised the extra 20p an hour really wasn't worth the late nights closing up so I dropped down in order for me to avoid having to stay until close.

He got his hours in January 2021 and the intention was for me to stay doing evenings and weekends until he started school. At the beginning of the year when we decided to split I realised relying on my husband to have the kids so I could work wasn't feasible so I looked for a new job during the day and I found one that offered me 9-3 on the days my youngest is in nursery so I gladly took it.

OP posts:
felulageller · 19/03/2022 19:08

He is fleecing you!

What kind of bonkers outgoings does he have if he 'cant afford' £58 pwk cc on £48k!?!

If he/his family are wanting money back from your car you need to equally thinking about your share of HIS car.

And none of this you having to buy furniture!

You need a good lawyer now!

If he is forcing sex on you, call the police and make a formal report.

He shouldn't be using the threat of sexual abuse to financially abuse you.

Also it would probably help you to call women's aid for advice.

Nicoise · 19/03/2022 19:20

I get half of everything because that's the fair way no OP that's the 'equal' way and equal and fair are not the same thing. You will be the main caregiver, your employment prospects and earning potential are negatively affected by being responsible for your children during the working week, unlike your husband whose life will carry on regardless. Your earnings, career prospects and pension to date have been negatively affected by having DC, your husband's have not. Get legal advice and make sure you get a 'fair' settlement, not 'equal'.

LittleOwl153 · 19/03/2022 20:00

He should pay for childcare but he might not be able to afford it so if he can't then I'll have to get them from school.

No - not your problem. He has absolutely done a number on you and is fleecing you.

You are entitled to:
Half the assets of the marriage once any debt has been accounted for. Have a look at Form E which you both will have to complete for a divorce to be granted.

Assets include house, cars, cash in account, All PENSIONS.
Debts include mortgage, any credit card etc debt, and debt to his parents if they are prepared to pursue it and can prove it.

You are entitled to a minimum of HALF of this total (and not just half of the house as you seem to think.)

Of you take the divorce to court a judge will also need to see that the children are adequately housed. Which means you need a 2 bedroom (or 3 beds if you have boy/girl) house/flat ideally in the area of the kids school catchment. Give your husbands income is so much higher you will likely be given a higher percentage of the assets in order to achieve this housing need.

NEXT:

You are entitled to CMS for the children on the nights you have them. You need to ensure that your ex husband is COMPLETELY responsible for the children for a 24hour period for each night he claims. This means he feeds them, clothes them, gets them to and from school, pays for afterschool/nursery etc during that period. He cannot demand that you step in.

So if he has them Thursday Friday and Saturday night - you take them to school on Thursday, and he drops them back to you 9am Sunday for example. He is responsible for nursery on the Thursday and Friday, as well as after school club he is also responsible for either of them being sick or out of school on his days. (You could decide between you that you will claim UC for the whole childcare need and he makes up the difference - or you claim only for your days and he is responsible for his - as he earns to much to be entitled to UC.)

You need to get hard ball on this. That way you will be able to afford your house, and be able to make a decent living. If you don't he will take you for a ride and you will be skint forever whilst he lives he lives highlife (with your kids and wife no2...)

TheHoptimist · 19/03/2022 20:07

You are not remortgaging.
He is taking out a new mortgage in his name only.
He will need at least 10% deposit.

£210,00 needs a deposit of £21k and if you have a mortgage of £123,000. He would have a mortgage of £189k and £66k would be released (minus any fees, early redemption etc)

catfunk · 19/03/2022 20:32

@mightbealittlebitmad I'm on your side here. In your case, The thing 'wrong' with earning minimum wage as you put it, is it's clearly not enough for you to be independent from your awful husband. I'm wondering if you're stuck on min. Wage because of lack of opportunity in your local area, or because he's been able to prioritise his Career and earning potential enabled by you looking after his kids all these years.

Original poster
mightbealittlebitmad · 19/03/2022 21:03

@TheHoptimist

You are not remortgaging. He is taking out a new mortgage in his name only. He will need at least 10% deposit.

£210,00 needs a deposit of £21k and if you have a mortgage of £123,000. He would have a mortgage of £189k and £66k would be released (minus any fees, early redemption etc)

So 66K would be my share or the total?
OP posts:
Original poster
mightbealittlebitmad · 19/03/2022 21:08

[quote catfunk]@mightbealittlebitmad I'm on your side here. In your case, The thing 'wrong' with earning minimum wage as you put it, is it's clearly not enough for you to be independent from your awful husband. I'm wondering if you're stuck on min. Wage because of lack of opportunity in your local area, or because he's been able to prioritise his Career and earning potential enabled by you looking after his kids all these years. [/quote]
It just happened that way, having been in a hospitality background before I had the kids and knowing that I needed to work evenings and weekends it made sense to find a hospitality job. I got offered a job in a pub down the road and did part time hours around him and the kids. He would work full time day hours then when he was at home I wouldn't then go to work.

It worked well, I still earned money so we didn't have to take a massive lifestyle cut, still kept my foot in employment and was able to still have some evenings at home for the work/life balance. That's how it's been since 2016 to now.

OP posts:
Adeleskirts · 19/03/2022 21:22

Good god some of these responses are beyond shocking.

Am example, You are not entitled to stay in the house whilst he pays for it till the kids are 18, how can anyone even think that’s the case,this isn’t the 1950s.

Op, you’re entitled to fifty fifty of all marital assets. You’re entitled to child maintenance for your children, depending on how you split it, and then past thay you’re expected to work snd support yourself and pay thr relevant percentage of costs for your kids based on how long you have them,, as I think you know.

Owning a home is of course an ultimate goal but if you can’t afford it renting is an excellent alternative. Becayse the need is a roof over your head.

TheHoptimist · 19/03/2022 21:34

So 66K would be my share or the total?

It would be the maximum amount of cash that could be released based on the figures that you have given.

Sounds like a good starting point for negotiation. He would keep the £21K equity and his pension.

Bushkin · 19/03/2022 21:41

You need legal advice - his pension should be in the pot as should any debts.

Is the loan from his parents formalised? If not, you aren’t in a position to pay that. Likewise anything you allegedly ‘owe’ him

Original poster
mightbealittlebitmad · 19/03/2022 21:44

@Bushkin

You need legal advice - his pension should be in the pot as should any debts.

Is the loan from his parents formalised? If not, you aren’t in a position to pay that. Likewise anything you allegedly ‘owe’ him

No it's completely informal but I want to pay them back because they were kind enough to lend the money when I needed a new car.
OP posts:
Bushkin · 19/03/2022 21:48

Does he have a car too?

Original poster
mightbealittlebitmad · 19/03/2022 21:50

@Bushkin

Does he have a car too?
He does but it's worth nothing
OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 19/03/2022 21:52

"Personally, I think it’s best to aim high and not settle for an old age of pension credit and renting."

Why? I tend to think that being just over the threshold for any help might be the very worst stituation to be in.

runningfromreality · 19/03/2022 21:59

Following as this is relatable and there has been loads of really amazing advice on this thread so far. Good luck OP and see a solicitor asap!

LittleOwl153 · 19/03/2022 22:31

*£210,00 needs a deposit of £21k and if you have a mortgage of £123,000. He would have a mortgage of £189k and £66k would be released (minus any fees, early redemption etc)

So 66K would be my share or the total?*

If you have £123000 outstanding mortgage on a house valued at £210000, then there is equity of £87,000 of which you are entitled to (at least) half. It does not matter how he finances this - that is not your problem.

This would be in addition to 50% of his pension and any other assets.

PLEASE DO NOT LET HIM SHORT CHANGE YOU.

LittleOwl153 · 19/03/2022 22:35

DO NOT FORGET HIS PENSION!

You have not said where he works but with an income of £48,000 he could easily have a £300,000 pension fund... which youbare entitled to a share!

millymolls · 19/03/2022 22:36

Op is not entitled to 50% if everything
She’s entitled to a fair share
They could be 50/%
Could be more could be less

The reality is her ex is not a high earner. On his salary he’s unlikely to have to pay the mortgage ongoing for her to remain in current home. It’s unlikely he’d have to pay spousal. It’s very possible that a court would order the house to be sold.
But you do need to bring in all assets to work out a fair split