Seeing my kids just every other weekend

[Happylittlebluebird]

I have decided to drop protracted court preceedings as it is getting us nowhere.

Any other mums out there that just see their kids every other weekend? My boys are 11 and 13.

I am heartbroken but it's the price you pay for leaving an abusive narcissist.

Please be kind as obviously I'm feeling devastated right now as it is.

Who are your kids living with? Ex partner?

Ex-husband. He hates me for leaving.

I’m very sorry for what you have been through and currently going through.
So now he’s stopping you seeing your DC because he can’t bare the thought you’ve left him?! Why is he spiting the kids 😢

You’ve started so many threads about this now

Why are the courts not going for 50:50?

I'm sorry that must be hard 😕 he's probably after 50 50 to avoid paying CM.

Have you got family of friends who could come over for one afternoon or evening at the weekends?

I wouldn’t drop the court proceedings. At least right for 50/50.

Fight for

You should have continued with court

OP you posted this the other day and it was very clear you have chosen to walk away from your children altogether and start fresh with your new family.

Oh, you have a new partner etc?

I remember when the op first posted years ago.

Her ex is abusive and has done an excellent job of parental alienation and is destroying his DC.

The op is in a horrid position and has been suffering from abuse by her ex for over 14 years. Give her a break.

An abusive parent with a lot of money can use the courts to get what they want sadly. It does happen.

@PinkCookie11 On the advice of my barrister we were not going to win. I don't have £32000 to throw away.
@UhtredRagnarson See above and please could I ask you not to be nasty at this already devastating time.

@RandomMess Thank you for understanding what has happened xx

@RandomMess My barrister did say they will see him for what he is in time. I can only wait until then x

@HollowTalk it was 50/50 for seven years but now he's got them to say they want to be with him more. He does have a much bigger house etc

@Eyevorbig0ne Not sure what you mean?

I think in this situation you just need to make the absolute most of any weekend with them, listen to what they want and need and try (as much as humanly possible) not to rise to the bait your ex will inevitably throw to alienate you further. Be the open door to your sons and give them the security that you will always always be there to be their primary home if they want to live with you. Don’t detach from them but try your hardest to detach from your ex now as far as being controlled.

You are not alone, somehow I hope you can connect with other parents who are suffering parental alienation and support each other.

Carry on with you therapy, carry on loving your boys however much they seem to reject it.

See above and please could I ask you not to be nasty at this already devastating time.

It wasn’t nasty, it’s what you said you were doing in your previous thread.

Omg are you the poster who posted last year about having two kids with a complete arse hole nasty bastard ex, but you were pregnant with new partner and bastard ex was saying horrible things about you and then baby and saying horrible things to your sons? If so I’ve been thinking about you for ages ! Wondering how you are.
And if it’s you fuck this nasty bastard ex! God he made me so angry

If you are the poster I think you are, dropping court proceedings is the right thing to do. The better a footing you can get your life on, the more likely it is that your boys will want to spend more time at your house. Focus on getting things more stable in your relationship and get your housing situation sorted. When you’re able to get your life nice and happy, they will be keen to be a part of your family

What do your children want? Their views will be taken into consideration.

A friend of mine ended up with a similar arrangement due to moving away to get away from abusive ex. Kids in critical school years so she decided to leave them. Not what you'll want to hear but it wasn't a good decision for her, I think she bitterly regretted it and it enabled her ex to get closer to the kids and freeze her out more. She felt very alienated. I'm really sorry if this is the situation you're in and would like to have your kids more.
I think the best you can do is to enjoy the time you have with them. It's unfair to use kids as leverage but happens all too often..

@Flowers500 I feel rekief tbh. We will still be in rented as can't afford a mortgage but I'm sure we'll get by.