Seeing my kids just every other weekend

[Happylittlebluebird]

I have decided to drop protracted court preceedings as it is getting us nowhere.

Any other mums out there that just see their kids every other weekend? My boys are 11 and 13.

I am heartbroken but it's the price you pay for leaving an abusive narcissist.

Please be kind as obviously I'm feeling devastated right now as it is.

@Checkingout811 So drag out the heartache and emotional toll on everyone else until end August to be told the decision we already all know.
That would be a selfish mother.

@Checkingout811 Poor kids. Do they see their father?

I have followed your posts and I think dropping the court case and embracing EOW and making the best of it is a good approach. It doesn’t make sense to fight endlessly for 50:50 when you can instead focus on being a really good parent to your children when you can. So do the EOW, plus show up to every school play or sporting match that you possibly can manage. Show up for every school meeting. If your kids want to talk on the phone or video chat, make the time. Plenty of parents have managed to be engaged and involved with EOW.

@Pinkpaisley Thank you. I will be there as much as I am able x

@Pinkpaisley And their dad doesn't attend any school meetings as I have always done so no, that won't change (providing I am made aware of them!)

[quote Happylittlebluebird]@Pinkpaisley Thank you. I will be there as much as I am able x[/quote]
I'm curious OP. Last week you were adamant you were just going to move away, and not see DC at all.

I'm glad you've changed your view on that, at least.

What has changed since that thread?

@EarringsandLipstick Time and an honest and supportive barrister to whom I am extremely grateful.

Yes they do. Their father is my husband so obviously we all live together. But seeing as you asked- the one “family” member they don’t see is their paternal grandmother. A woman who walked out on her husband and 3 sons (my husband and brothers in law) and started a new family. Sound familiar? She never bothered with her 3 sons and now they’re older they don’t want to know her.
She will never, ever meet my children nor my nieces or nephews, the boys hate her.
I’m sorry you didn’t come on here and get the sympathy you so desperately crave, but I have seen what abandonment does to the children, and I really think you need to give yourself a shake and be there.

[quote Happylittlebluebird]@EarringsandLipstick Time and an honest and supportive barrister to whom I am extremely grateful.[/quote]
Well that is good. I'm glad, genuinely OP.

Op is repeatedly posting in here helping you?

It’s clear from your other posts you’re not well and had taken the decision already, to go no contact sith your children. Maybe it’s time to focus on uou now you’ve decided.

Ive just had a wonderful email from my barrister as I asked yesterday if the children would perceive me as giving up by accepting the EOW. She is a mum herself.
She said absolutely not, on the contrary.

I feel reassured and even more certain of my decision

@Happylittlebluebird

Ive just had a wonderful email from my barrister as I asked yesterday if the children would perceive me as giving up by accepting the EOW. She is a mum herself. She said absolutely not, on the contrary.

I feel reassured and even more certain of my decision

How would she know though?

I'm not saying that they will think negatively of you. I just wonder how the barrister could possibly say. Mum or not.

Also, is this a new barrister that only started to represent you this week? As last week you didn't seem to have this view on EOW and say that you do now, thanks to this barrister.

@Happylittlebluebird

I'm afraid simply "being at" a hearing won't change the judge's mind, either.

No, it’s not to change the judges mind. It’s to show your children you cared enough to turn up. But that clearly isn’t anywhere on your radar. At all.

@Happylittlebluebird

Ive just had a wonderful email from my barrister as I asked yesterday if the children would perceive me as giving up by accepting the EOW. She is a mum herself. She said absolutely not, on the contrary.

I feel reassured and even more certain of my decision

How wonderful. It’s all turned out well then. You can sleep easy now OP.

And their dad doesn't attend any school meetings as I have always done so no, that won't change (providing I am made aware of them!)

I think you can ask the school to contact you directly.

Oh hi OP! Fancy seeing you again.

The barrister has no idea how your sons will feel. On a previous thread you said you were going to move away and not see them eow anyway. You can’t keep messing them around.

She’s met you and possibly your partner and sons and thinks they’re better off with their dad most of the time. That wouldn’t make me happy if I was in your shoes but she’s probably right. They can have some stability, you can focus on yourself and your new baby.

I don't know the ins and outs of your story op but I left my partner 4 months ago after a decade of emotional and financial abuse. I was very underweight and barely functioning when I left and ended up in hospital because of it. My dc are with him and only able to be with me on weekends and school holidays. I'm staying with family, too little space for dc full time and far away from their school. I've got my mental and physical health to a much better state now and am doing all I can so I will be able to be with them again properly. It is a horrible situation. I cry myself to sleep every night because I hate it and miss them so much.

This is like one of the maddening threads we occasionally get on here from a father who is so sad and apparently desperate to be involved but instead doesn't go to court, claims alienation, and moves far away with the new partner and child.

The response to the OP has been exactly as a man would have received and rightly so.

Oh god. I remember this poster.

The details I can remember from all the other threads under different names, is:

She hates her ex.
He earns lots (though that doesn’t tally with this one).
Her eldest son was violent and aggressive and turning into a mini version of his father apparently.
The middle one desperately wanted to stay with his mum.
She had a new partner.
They’d had a baby girl.
The middle son loved the baby, the eldest one hated her.
Then there was a thread to say the new partner did fuck all with the baby.
The new partner was lazy and sounded emotionally abusive.
Now the boys are with the ex.

Is that as out right? What a sad, sad mess.

@PicsInRed

This is like one of the maddening threads we occasionally get on here from a father who is so sad and apparently desperate to be involved but instead doesn't go to court, claims alienation, and moves far away with the new partner and child.

The response to the OP has been exactly as a man would have received and rightly so.

Exactly this.

I’m just so sad

many solutions offered.

Oh no, can’t possibly do that.

@Checkingout811

The barrister has no idea how your sons will feel. On a previous thread you said you were going to move away and not see them eow anyway. You can’t keep messing them around.

And she wants to move away from the boys? Brilliant.

This is a shit show.

Oh forgot the- ARE YOU A BARRISTER???

@Voomster953 oh yes, he earned £125000 on page 2 but then only £25k on page 5 so i guess he’s had a shit year with covid?