Seeing my kids just every other weekend

[Happylittlebluebird]

I have decided to drop protracted court preceedings as it is getting us nowhere.

Any other mums out there that just see their kids every other weekend? My boys are 11 and 13.

I am heartbroken but it's the price you pay for leaving an abusive narcissist.

Please be kind as obviously I'm feeling devastated right now as it is.

I love the one tiny detail you pick up OP.

Have you resolved the bedroom issue satisfactorily, and are going to stay living where you are, so can see your DSs EOW?

@Happylittlebluebird nobody is attaching you for renting. Many of us do. But on previous threads your spoke extensively about not having the space for the kids, as well as the issues with your housing situation.

@RandomMess Thank you. How come you know about all of this psych stuff? 😊
It has now been identified (finally!) that I am dealing with C-PTSD caused by ongoing trauma. It all makes sense now. As the trauma "ends" it should be the case that I can finally go on the waiting list for EMDR Therapy.
The waiting list on the NHS is long - around 8 months - but at least hopefully soon I can be added on to it.
Until then I will be jumping out of my skin every time the toast pops up or my fiancé walks too close behind me, but I'm looking forward to these behaviours reducing.
Also finally at the top of the waiting list for the Freedom Programme which I have been told is brilliant.

@Flowers500 Hence why we moved from two to three-bed 😊

[quote Happylittlebluebird]@Flowers500 Hence why we moved from two to three-bed 😊[/quote]
That’s great news! An important step to welcoming your boys

@EarringsandLipstick When the baby turns into a young child and needs her own room then the boys will share. Due to ongoing legal fees we are not in a financial position yet to be able to get a mortgage.

OP, why don't you attend the final hearing self represented? That will be zero cost to you then, one day when your children ask, you can tell your children you never gave up and fought for them to the end.

@Flowers500 Not really - we moved way before we'd even considered a third child! A two-bed was all I could afford as a single parent. Obviously now I have a partner so we could afford to rent bigger.

I don't see why an OP has to take the (often differing) advice of this forum in order to continue to post on it! She can use it to rant or continually process something if she wishes. If you don't want to read it, move on and don't post.

I don't understand basically attacking someone and telling them to shut-up when they're unhappy. Whatever happened to 'be kind'.

So are the boys going to share now OP?

If I had zero pennies to my name I'd turn up to that courtroom and beg the judge not to take my child away and make me the non resident parent. I would literally throw myself at the mercy of the court..
Why can't you self represent? Many people do.

@PicsInRed My barrister advised against in her professional opinion. It would have been a gruelling three-day hearing which on balance would not have gone my way. Especially without representation. It would have been awful. I am grateful for a bloody honest barrister e.g. not making money out of me!

@Pebbledashery See above.

@UhtredRagnarson Yes. Not unreasonable to expect two boys to share.

[quote Happylittlebluebird]@UhtredRagnarson Yes. Not unreasonable to expect two boys to share.[/quote]
of course its not unreasonable. But op didn't you say your boys demanded to have separate rooms or they wouldn't come?

[quote Happylittlebluebird]@PicsInRed My barrister advised against in her professional opinion. It would have been a gruelling three-day hearing which on balance would not have gone my way. Especially without representation. It would have been awful. I am grateful for a bloody honest barrister e.g. not making money out of me![/quote]
How much more "not your way" could it have gone than EOW? Even sex offenders get unsupervised contact with children, so I cant imagine you would realistically have been facing supervised contact. He can ask for that but...he could ask you transport the children by winged unicorn, it doesn't mean it happens.

Why a 3 day final hearing - that's a huge amount of time?

Was your barrister direct access?

@oopsydaisyyy If they say that down the line then that's their choice. They have to accept we can't afford a four-bed. Perhaps they could ask their dad where the money for the deposit went

@PicsInRed No, it wouldn't have been supervised contact of course. The recommendation was every other weekend with me. No safeguarding issues. So a complex case hence three days.

I don’t see how you can laugh at people’s responses??? Is this all some big joke to you?? This is your sons life’s for fucks sake. Their mother is abandoning them and finds it funny that she can’t afford a 4 bed, but oh well if you want to see me you’ll have to share tough shit???
Poor boys. I would turn up unrepresented regardless of who told me it wouldn’t end well. Id walk barefoot from one end of the bloody country to the other even if it changed nothing to show my boys that I am their mother, I love them, I will do absolutely anything for them and I will never ever ever not fight for them!!!

Give yourself a bloody shake and get yourself to that courtroom for Christ’s sakes!

[quote Happylittlebluebird]@UhtredRagnarson Yes. Not unreasonable to expect two boys to share.[/quote]
Well yes, that’s what many of us were saying in the last thread...

@Happylittlebluebird I've been in your situation, only my ex has completed the alienation and my daughter has nothing to do with me. The stress of exes actions caused meningitis, which brought on a chronic illness.

My legal representation told me it was pointless to continue to fight the ex in court because I'd be wasting tens, if not hundreds of thousands, and would drive myself insane.

For those of you who don't understand it is a roller coaster of emotions, and a devastation you can't describe. Every time you think you are getting somewhere the ex throws in another curveball and sends your emotions flying all over the place. Sometimes you compartmentalise it, sometimes you don't stop crying for weeks. Other times you want to just vent your spleen anonymously. There is no rhyme nor reason to it.

The empathy I had for you at the start of this thread has been hugely obscured by the mention of your other threads and your general attitude in your comments.
I don't even need to find that gumption inside of me to fight for my daughter, I'm a mother, I have a natural instinct to fight and protect.. Even if the hearing didn't go your way, at least you turned up and at least you tried and your boys would know that mum fought for us.

@Checkingout811 An experienced barrister has today told me there is very little chance of changing the recommendation. As in hardly any. Obviously even less so without representation. The final hearing would not be until August. Why drag it out? That's not helping anyone. Also, if it is deemed to be my eldest's "wishes", this would make our relationship even more strained.
The family courts are sadly lacking. Anybody with legal experience will agree with me on this.

[quote Happylittlebluebird]@PicsInRed No, it wouldn't have been supervised contact of course. The recommendation was every other weekend with me. No safeguarding issues. So a complex case hence three days.[/quote]
If the recommendation was EOW, I don't understand why you dont go to the final hearing unrepresented cite alienation and request the 50/50 you already have? Your kids aren't going to be completely removed from your care.

If you lose, you can tell your kids you took it right to the end.

My suspicion is that the case wouldn't last 3 days if you self repped - less questions, less answers, less time.

But why not go? Why not stand there and make it clear your wishes. You are their mother. The family courts are diabolical, but you cannot just not show up. What message is that sending to your boys?