Seeing my kids just every other weekend

[Happylittlebluebird]

I have decided to drop protracted court preceedings as it is getting us nowhere.

Any other mums out there that just see their kids every other weekend? My boys are 11 and 13.

I am heartbroken but it's the price you pay for leaving an abusive narcissist.

Please be kind as obviously I'm feeling devastated right now as it is.

@Pebbledashery have you ever been in our position? Is there a point in which you couldn't afford legal representation anymore. Maybe the 1st time you go back to court because your ex is obstructing contact, what about the 10th, 15th, 20th time in 4 years when you've spent in excess of 50k and all your emotions? What then? What about when I've driven 200 miles to collect my child and the ex has purposefully gone out and turned his phone off, moved without me knowing? Tell me what the answer is because I sure as shit have no idea anymore.

An experienced barrister has today told me there is very little chance of changing the recommendation.

You wouldn't change the recommendation, but you could sway the judge in your favour. They usually go with the recommendation, but not always.

If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by simply showing up and talking.

If only it was as simple as everyone makes out

@PicsInRed That would just be prolonging the agony.

[quote alwayswrighty]@Pebbledashery have you ever been in our position? Is there a point in which you couldn't afford legal representation anymore. Maybe the 1st time you go back to court because your ex is obstructing contact, what about the 10th, 15th, 20th time in 4 years when you've spent in excess of 50k and all your emotions? What then? What about when I've driven 200 miles to collect my child and the ex has purposefully gone out and turned his phone off, moved without me knowing? Tell me what the answer is because I sure as shit have no idea anymore.[/quote]
I would say go back and read through old threads, but can not suggest that as they have been removed. People have tried and tried to support and advise. It doesn't end well. You will prob see soon enough.

@alwayswrighty Indeed. It is time to start the repairing process.

I would never ever give up on my DS, I fought through the courts for 5 years to keep him and in the end the abusive shit was denied any parental rights for putting us through this.
Now he's grown up he says thank you, my life would have been hell with him.
i'd sooner die than give up my child.

@Happylittlebluebird indeed it is.

@oopsydaisyyy possibly, but there is also a possibility that some will have no idea of the sheer agony this is and the thoughts that rattle through your brain as you desperately try and resolve the situation and find peace.

I'm currently going through the family court now, my situation is completely different to you as my daughter and I fled very severe domestic abuse and are in hiding from her father who doesn't know were we live. However, I have been treated like the criminal by the court, the first judge was so appalling he treated me like I was the perpetrator.. This disgusting excuse of a man almost killed me.
But I didn't give up, however soul destroying it was, however crushed I felt, I picked myself up and I carried on.. And I will never, ever stop fighting.

@Eyevorbig0ne

I'm sorry that must be hard 😕 he's probably after 50 50 to avoid paying CM.

Have you got family of friends who could come over for one afternoon or evening at the weekends?

How is he? They live with him?

They live 50/50 between OP and her ex. He wants it changed to him being the resident parent and OP having EOW contact.

@UhtredRagnarson

They live 50/50 between OP and her ex. He wants it changed to him being the resident parent and OP having EOW contact.

The sadly predictable outcome is that she will have to pay child maintenance and he will use his new status as resident parent as an excuse to harass her for further money and around general nonsense and contact matters. He will likely begin to frustrate contact quickly.

The OP has soothed herself that this is the end and a new beginning but many of us with experience of the tactics of such monsters can predict that it's not the new beginning she anticipates.

@UhtredRagnarson

They live 50/50 between OP and her ex. He wants it changed to him being the resident parent and OP having EOW contact.

Ah I see, that was not clear in the op. He wouldn't pay maintenance either way, though.

@PicsInRed Financially I'll be far better off paying maintenance than what I've had to pay it being 50/50. Because he has refused to pay for things like ANY extra-curricular activities, citing it's 50/50. He can't argue that now. He has also refused to share ANYTHING so 2 x lots of everything has had to be purchased. Not now!

The sadly predictable outcome is that she will have to pay child maintenance and he will use his new status as resident parent as an excuse to harass her for further money and around general nonsense and contact matters. He will likely begin to frustrate contact quickly

And yet when it's a woman who is the RP and wants the other parent to have EOW it's in the best interest of the children. Interesting.

@PicsInRed Simples. I now pay you maintenance (not much as low wage) and you have the boys the majority. So am I going to pay any extra because he demands it? Am I buggery!! Use your £125k pa mate!

@Pebbledashery I'm taking it you suffered physical (eg provable) abuse though?

@alwayswrighty You get it. It is relentless. There is only so much any human can take.

[quote Happylittlebluebird]@PicsInRed Financially I'll be far better off paying maintenance than what I've had to pay it being 50/50. Because he has refused to pay for things like ANY extra-curricular activities, citing it's 50/50. He can't argue that now. He has also refused to share ANYTHING so 2 x lots of everything has had to be purchased. Not now![/quote]
He can still do all of this. That is how abuse works - you cannot placate your way out of it.

You seem chuffed to bits you’ll be better off financially so do you know what. Fail your boys. Fail your sons, you’re own children, don’t turn upto court, pay minimal maintenance and crack on with your new partner and daughter. That’s exactly what you want isn’t it. It’s blindingly bloody obvious. Why even bother making a thread?

@Checkingout811 Yes I am. Because as I have said before, despite it being 50/50 I have been having to pay for bloody everything!!! It's called financial control.

@Checkingout811 Exactly how much experience of the family courts do you have may I ask?

Are all of those men that are forced to have EOW all bad dads? Nope. Thought not.

@PicsInRed What do you suggest then?

@PicsInRed And no because I won't be paying for extra-curricular activities any more now he has them the majority. I won't be buying all of their clothes or school uniforms any more. I will no longer be buying all of the D of E equipment and paying for every expedition.

Bear in mind he earns around 25000 k pa to my 12k.

Why would you expect me to?