Seeing my kids just every other weekend

[Happylittlebluebird]

I have decided to drop protracted court preceedings as it is getting us nowhere.

Any other mums out there that just see their kids every other weekend? My boys are 11 and 13.

I am heartbroken but it's the price you pay for leaving an abusive narcissist.

Please be kind as obviously I'm feeling devastated right now as it is.

When you’re on benefits instead of going back to work after maternity, which you posted the other day, you’ll get out of paying more than £7 a week. So that’ll save you money too.

You are just as bad as he is if you do that.

Wake up. You're not some passive recipient to life and it's 'woe is me so hard' . This shouldn't be about you or your ex, but what's right for your boys.

@AnneLovesGilbert Are you offering to cover my childcare? Thanks!
For the record I'm returning to work 4 days a week. I will come out with around £900 pm. How much do you think childcare will cost roughly?

@dontdoubtyourself See above.

@dontdoubtyourself taking the child maintenance issue out of it for a minute can I ask what you would do if you had been told you have not got a leg to stand on in court and you could no longer afford the £1500 per day your Barrister costs you and your mental health and physical health was sliding because of the situation? Do you bankrupt yourself (literally) and drive yourself to the point of suicide?

Before people say that is dramatic, believe me it is not.

There is no simple solution for anyone in this situation. Worse when you are a non resident mother because most people think worse of you than a non resident father, or at least that is how it feels.

@alwayswrighty OP doesn’t have to pay anything to attend court. She can just turn up as herself. I’m not sure why you keep going on about the money when it’s irrelevant. She can turn up, self represent and worst case scenario she comes out with EOW which she already knows is the likely outcome.

@alwayswrighty I honestly cannot agree with you more. Unless you have walked in our shoes you have absolutely no idea of the impact and devastation. What's concerning is they don't even seem to begin to imagine.
It is not as simple as going and crying to a judge and expecting him to change his mind when the case is all but decided. To believe so is naive.
I bet these posters have their kids ft if they have any.
Have they even heard of Cafcass?

@UhtredRagnarson I go on about money because self representing rarely works, you need legal representation to navigate the system. Plus the court may order eow but very little is done when the RP breaks that order, and then you end up in the same cycle.

Plus you'll note I talked about the stress of it, which nearly killed me. Ignore it if you will but at some point something has to give.

@Happylittlebluebird cafcass... ha Jesus. Yes. Well. They have a difficult job but ... my experience has not been great.

@alwayswrighty Absolutely. They have no understanding of the MH impact. None whatsoever.
They must be barristers though because clearly they know how the family courts work better than my experienced legal team.

@alwayswrighty Mine neither. Ofsted are scathing of them and arguments they are not fit for purpose. I do appreciate the job must be extremely stressful and it's not always their fault they can't explore cases fully due to workload, but some of it is down to lack of training and so on.

@Happylittlebluebird completely agree. Awful job too I imagine because there are definitely worse cases than ours.

[quote Happylittlebluebird]@PicsInRed What do you suggest then?[/quote]
You could go to the final hearing, possibly retain 50/50, wait it out until the kids are 18 (not long now), and either way be able to tell your kids you saw it through to the end...but it's entirely your choice. You are making a choice.

You could go to the final hearing, possibly retain 50/50, wait it out until the kids are 18 (not long now), and either way be able to tell your kids you saw it through to the end...but it's entirely your choice. You are making a choice.

Yep

@UhtredRagnarson How many times? The family courts do not work like that. Are you a barrister?

How many times what? How many hearings do you have lined up? Go to that many. I think it’s one?

Family courts don’t work like what? You aren’t allowed to be at the hearing in which you are a respondent?

@UhtredRagnarson Are you a barrister as you appear to know more than mine. Especially about this particular case.
It is not a simple as "just turning up" and crying a bit.

No no, I didn’t say turn up and cry. I said “be at”. Are you saying you aren’t allowed to be at the hearing?

Jesus Christ give yourself a bloody shake!!! We aren’t saying by turning up the judge will change his mind!! We are saying turn up to show your boys you still give a fuck.
But dont, seriously, spare them the heartache and just crack on with your new family which you seem intent on doing and sit congratulating yourself for not buying a fucking school blazer. I have never come across such a heartless mother before.

I'm afraid simply "being at" a hearing won't change the judge's mind, either.

Are you a barrister 😂😂 no dear, we are mothers. Mothers who would walk to the end of the earth for our children. Mothers who would fight for our children. Mothers who would give up everything and do everything, for our children.
You seem to of ticked the unsubscribe box.

It’s nothing to do with changing a judges mind. Nothing at all.

@Checkingout811 It would be worse for everybody dragging this out for no purpose until the end of August.
I have never come across someone as stupid and lacking empathy! Xxx

Lacing empathy? You’ve basically abandoned your children OP. I live with mine.