Seeing my kids just every other weekend

[Happylittlebluebird]

I have decided to drop protracted court preceedings as it is getting us nowhere.

Any other mums out there that just see their kids every other weekend? My boys are 11 and 13.

I am heartbroken but it's the price you pay for leaving an abusive narcissist.

Please be kind as obviously I'm feeling devastated right now as it is.

@Starstruck2021

What do your children want? Their views will be taken into consideration.

From her previous posts her children do want to be with her, but their abusive dad is forcing them to lie to the court. Pretty shit to just abandon them tbh. I sympathise with the op, but I do wonder whether she’d be walking away leaving her children with an abuser if she hadn’t started a new family.

OMG

She isn't walking away she is accepting EOW which her ex has been trying to get for YEARS before she has a new relationship and before she ever got pregnant.

As her DC have got older they are more entranced in parental alienation, Daddy has a huge lavish house and buys their loyalty and they are terrified of going against him. So now when they DC claim they want to live with Dad Cafcass and the courts take them at their word.

The kids have been groomed for YEARS to do this.

@RandomMess Exactly this. This last court issue has been going on for over a year now at a cost of around £25k.
50/50 has been hell for all concerned because it has meant ex can continue his horrendous control.
Now he has what he wants he will have to take up the responsibility at long last. He can't keep making all of these ridiculous demands upon us all - both emotionally and financially. We can start to rebuild our lives again and the contact I do have with the boys I hope will be good.
I will make sure the boys know the door is always open but for now I know there is nothing more I can do.
Hopefully one day they will realise that the grass isn't greener and perhaps understand a little of what I have actually been through. Maybe they will even come back to me. I will be there with open arms.
I can hand on heart say that everything I have done I have done with their best interests at the forefront of my mind. I know categorically their dad cannot say the same.

I'm sad at the thought of seeing my boys less of course I am, but I know I have done everything I can. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted knowing that I can finally free myself of that evil man's control.
He has tried to break me. He has not succeeded.
I am still here.
He has not won.

I cannot believe you are back with another thread, having had the last one deleted.

Again, you misrepresent the situation and choose what details to include, so as to confuse posters who take what you post at face value & invest time wanting to help.

I was one of those posters in earlier threads but while I'm not doubting OP's situation, her reasons for posting baffle me. She never takes on board any practical advice, it's always high drama, and her decisions around her eldest children are upsetting to read.

Why are you posting again?

Op I'm really sad for you. Can't imagine how you must feel. I'm part way through court proceedings with a horrifically violent ex partner who also abused a small child and he wants full residence of her.. I will never stop fighting him.. But i can imagine you feel dejected right now, one day your sons will realise what has happened and what he's done and knew you couldn't fight him.

@EarringsandLipstick

I cannot believe you are back with another thread, having had the last one deleted.

Again, you misrepresent the situation and choose what details to include, so as to confuse posters who take what you post at face value & invest time wanting to help.

I was one of those posters in earlier threads but while I'm not doubting OP's situation, her reasons for posting baffle me. She never takes on board any practical advice, it's always high drama, and her decisions around her eldest children are upsetting to read.

Why are you posting again?

Yeah. This.

@earringsandlipstick what details is op omitting to tell us?

and your back again! wow

just to recap here- a few days ago you was literally saying you do not want to see your kids anymore and have decided to walk away. lots of posters advised you gave you tips but ultimately you decided that your one year old daughter has priority over your older sons and refused to accept any advice. You said your boys were walking all over over you by demanding to have a room to them selves and wanted to move far away with new bf n baby

so whatsupp now?

I’ll be surprised if this thread is still here in the morning.

are you telling me all is not as by this thread.. I didn't see the original threads.

For those of you that want to just dig the boot in... I've never felt strong enough to say this before, but fuck off.

God, I feel better! For too long I have been hurt by words of people that are not worthy of headspace.

To those of you that understand parental alienation, thank you.

I leave you with this:

Sometimes you have to let go of the those you love, even if for a little while, hoping that one day they will see the truth and come back to you. ❤

I hold my head high.
I am a good person.
I have integrity.
I love and am loved.
Damaged maybe, but not broken.
Together we will heal as we have done a thousand times before.
I am still here.
You did not win.

@EarringsandLipstick exactly! What is the point of making the same thread every few days with no new question. What do you want OP?

I didn’t see your latest thread but have seen at least 2 of your previous ones. People who have not read the full details should be careful what they say—you need to focus on being a stable part of their life. That means no more hysteria about threatening to abandon them, value all your children and just work on being a stable part of their life. Your past with you ex is terrible but was a long time ago and you need to focus on getting your life to a place where you can give off happy vibes to ALL of your children.

I’m sorry you’ve been through this. I know this happens in courts and it’s immoral.

I hope your situation improves in time. It must be awful for you.

OMG

She isn't walking away she is accepting EOW

You clearly didn’t see the last thread then.

@Flowers500

I didn’t see your latest thread but have seen at least 2 of your previous ones. People who have not read the full details should be careful what they say—you need to focus on being a stable part of their life. That means no more hysteria about threatening to abandon them, value all your children and just work on being a stable part of their life. Your past with you ex is terrible but was a long time ago and you need to focus on getting your life to a place where you can give off happy vibes to ALL of your children.

This is spot on.

OP, I appreciate my post might seem harsh, especially if someone is new to the situation. But I have participated in many of your threads & honestly, you are emotionally exhausting.

I don't doubt (and having left an abusive marriage myself, I'd be additionally wrong to do so) your situation with your ex & the harm he has done.

But all your threads sound so self-absorbed, dramatic, focused on you & not your DC.

The post above is entirely right about emotional stability & placing your DC needs at the centre of your decision-making.

There are many long-running threads on MN where women share their experiences, often over multiple threads, of leaving an abusive marriage or dealing with the aftermath. I've been part of those threads & have seen the support & advice that MNers give that helps the OP.

But your threads seem to continually revert to the same inward focus while omitting key facts & not wanting any advice it seems.

@Greenmarmalade It has certainly been an eye opener as to how appalling the legal system is re family court matters. You think leaving an abuser is the end of it and it should be, but the reality is sometimes it is only the beginning.
Anyway, I'm off to chill with a glass of wine and my fiancé. Hopefully my brain may even let me watch a film!

I know, it’s shocking. I’m glad you are doing what you can to move forward and find some peace. I’m sure your boys will look forward to your weekends and you can enjoy them together.

@UhtredRagnarson yes I did but op is in a better place now and accepting that seeing them EOW rather than not at all is what is in their best interests. She comes back being more positive and putting her DS needs first by NOT walking away and you still have a go.

OP actually needs specialist therapy to deal with the trauma she has experienced so she can properly move forwards and remain more emotionally stable regardless of what else is going on. From the outside looking in it seems to me "the drama" is her actually reliving the trauma she still genuinely feels and hasn't dealt with.

Op look at some of the self help workbooks that deal with trauma and PTSD. I think they could really help you deal with your thoughts and feelings in a more helpful way.

OP actually needs specialist therapy to deal with the trauma she has experienced so she can properly move forwards and remain more emotionally stable regardless of what else is going on.

Totally agree and it is what I advised on last thread but she said she didn’t want it.

Op look at some of the self help workbooks that deal with trauma and PTSD. I think they could really help you deal with your thoughts and feelings in a more helpful way.

She's rejected this & similar advice in every single thread.

OP has been posting threads for years under various names. Most of them used to be about money and her anger that her ex is better off and has a bigger house.
She's ignored red flags about her new partner in the past and then had a 3rd child she couldn't afford in unsuitable accommodation. I don't know why people still bother, this thread is clearly designed for shock value and more attention.

@GlitchStitch Unsuitable accommodation because it is....shock horror...rented?!!!

@GlitchStitch Privately that is. Because we both work ft. Without any benefits whatsoever.