Spousal Maintenance

[RosieWosieWoo]

STBXH and I separated 7 years ago after 7 years together (5 years cohabiting 2 years married). We have one son.

When we separated I was working full time and able to pay my rent etc, however due to his emotional abuse towards me I had a breakdown 2 years later and was no longer able to work. It has been 4 years, and I am still not able to work. He is resident parent of our son due to my mh problems, and lives in a lovely 3 bed house that he owns with his new partner who he has had a baby with.

He claims child benefit even though he earns too much to actually get the money paid to him. Him not allowing me to claim child benefit has meant that I am not eligible for some housing benefits and I am essentially poor, I live hand to mouth so that I can keep a two bedroom flat, with my son having his own room. I have my son every other weekend.

He is now asking me to sign a clean break order before our divorce is finalised. I have requested a lump sum in return for signing due to my financial hardship, but he is refusing and threatening me with court.

If this does go to court, what are my chances of achieving spousal maintenance or a lump sum? Does anyone have any kind of experience of divorce after a long separation?

I am ineligible for legal aid.

I am so grateful in advance for any help at all.

I went through similar break-up and had very low confidence and my issues. I went back to work part time and it has been a blessing. It is hard at times but it gives me hope and a support network.most of my colleagues have been through awful life events too at some point. I would try volunteering or speak to job centre and ask if you can start with some training or other to build some confidence. I wasn't sure I would ever work but now have a professional job and a means of housing us etc which means a lot when you've had no money at all to your name. Good luck.

@RosieWosieWoo

As I understand it, as we never signed any kind of financial order when we separated and aren't even divorced yet I am entitled to claim against his assets, and when filling in the form E I will be able to detail his behaviour towards me. There are plenty of examples of ex husbands being pursued 10 even 20 years down the line by ex wives. The law is on my side here.

Only pursued and awarded where the ex wife has residency of the child/ren. You don't.

Not wanting to kick you whilst your down, but your Ex could be asking you for CMS even when you are on benefits it is £7 a week for those on benefits.
The best you can really hope for is that the pension you accrued during the marriage is less than what he accrued and that you get some slice of that, but you need to weigh up if the money you spend getting hold of that piece of pension is worth the financial and inevitable mental cost.

@Lonecatwithkitten

Not wanting to kick you whilst your down, but your Ex could be asking you for CMS even when you are on benefits it is £7 a week for those on benefits. The best you can really hope for is that the pension you accrued during the marriage is less than what he accrued and that you get some slice of that, but you need to weigh up if the money you spend getting hold of that piece of pension is worth the financial and inevitable mental cost.

Could and should

There’s another thread where the mother is contemplating not bothering with the 7, and the vast majority of posters think she absolutely should claim it. Same goes for your H

You will speed up recovery if you take more ownership of your situation, and also get some employment.

Whats your degree in? Whats your role on the nhs?

I'm assuming that she is who she says she is.

My advice is
-Child Benefit is for the parent doing the majority of care. That's your ex so let it go,

• You should be paying maintenance - even if it's the £7 per week that benefit claimants pay.

• if you think that your son will choose to live with you in the future, you should be laying the groundwork now. You will need savings for a bigger house, legal fees etc for when this may happen. (Say when he's 13) You need to try and find a job or formulate a plan that will allow you to support you and your son when the time comes ( training perhaps?) I understand that your mental health may not allow you to do it as quickly as a person without mental health issues but you have time to hopefully get qualifications and work on your recovery. Perhaps the lump sum that you ask for could be the cost of retraining?

• 2 years of pension contributions is not a lot to go to court over. You risk your legal fees being more than the payout and a lot of pressure on your mental health. Is it worth it? If you are too greedy you risk him taking you to court and going after your pension too.

-Spousal is unusual and is usually requested straight after a split so the parent receiving it can train, finish education, look after a disabled child etc. You would be unreasonable to look at what he has now rather than what he had when you split.

• Have you thought about going back to court for more time with your son if you're "better"? If so it wouldn't be unreasonable to hope that you can work up to 50/50 care over time.

One thing the op has failed to mention is her age?
The fact of the matter is that this was a short marriage and 7 years later the op has not moved on at all due to her mh problems and is not really listening to all the good advice given on here by people who have been through the same thing.
Op you could self represent but having done it myself several times it is a huge amount of work, takes over your life and I imagine mentally you are not up to it.
You need to dig deep and look to yourself to improve your financial situation. Let go of blaming him for the position you are in now and move on else you will be stuck forever.
Wikivorce is a government funded website and is a wonderful source of support and advice with many experts on board. Post your full details on there and someone will be along to help you.

I had a Google and it seems that OP wouldn't have to pay CMS as she is claiming PIP. Personally I couldn't sleep at night knowing I wasn't paying anything towards my DC, regardless of what the CMS said!

.... and they're back...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/4122949-How-often-do-Judges-not-grant-an-Absolute

FFS, they don’t like what is being said so post another thread about it

Apparently not, according the op!!

there's never another thread

@CandyLeBonBon

Apparently not, according the op!!

Well of course it isn't .

Let's just to pretend to be some one else and ask the same question another way until they want.

I think I'll rock up to the latest thread and say 'yes, dear, your ex husband should pay you spousal support and you are entitled to child benefit even though your child doesn't live with you and you are almost certainly entitled to half the value of the house your ex and his new partner share.

Do you think she might stop the endless merry go round of threads then?

Hi all,

Need some advice, what can be done if your husband is not paying maintenance according to the sealed court order. It was an agreement made outside of CSA. He’s self employed and tbh since asking for divorce I’m pretty sure he’s been faking his accounts. His lifestyle does not add up to what he showing on paper.

Thanks

@newlife838. You might be better starting your own thread.

I don’t know what the importance of a “sealed court order” is. Does it refer to spousal or child maintenance?

Friends who’ve been through divorce though have been told that csa can override court orders.

Thank you - whoops sorry I was meant to start a new thread!

[quote JamMakingWannaBe].... and they're back...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/4122949-How-often-do-Judges-not-grant-an-Absolute[/quote]
The OP of that thread asked it to be taken down due to "privacy concerns"

@Nikhedonia 🙄 what a surprise

@CandyLeBonBon why not delete the other threads very bizarre.

You really need to stop relying on this man. You have been apart for the same time you were together and you still expect to be completely financially dependent on him.

He doesn't have to give you any child benefit, or chance to claim it. He is the resident parent.

You also won't be due spousal maintenance. You were working when you split up and during your relationship.

Your options are basically -
Carry on claiming benefits and get a part time job where you can still get benefits.

Stop claiming benefits and get a full time job.

You are bang out of order for suggesting your ex funds you for a circumstance after you split. Regardless of whether or not he "caused it"

Am shocked and appalled at the many comments asking why she can’t ‘just get a job’.
Working as a nurse I have seen first hand what a mental breakdown can do from insomnia due to night terrors, shaking and sweating, constant crying and many other physical symptoms and sometimes total lack of communication for large parts of the day. All of which can make a return to work seem like climbing a mountain.
Don’t assume someone who has had a breakdown can get a job.
Just don’t.

Why reanimate a zombie thread?

NHS pensions are seen as pretty good. You may find it is actually worth more than his for the period you were actually married. I. would be reluctant to go after his pension as you may inadvertently be encouraging him to go after yours...