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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Spousal Maintenance

274 replies

RosieWosieWoo · 30/12/2020 22:28

STBXH and I separated 7 years ago after 7 years together (5 years cohabiting 2 years married). We have one son.

When we separated I was working full time and able to pay my rent etc, however due to his emotional abuse towards me I had a breakdown 2 years later and was no longer able to work. It has been 4 years, and I am still not able to work. He is resident parent of our son due to my mh problems, and lives in a lovely 3 bed house that he owns with his new partner who he has had a baby with.

He claims child benefit even though he earns too much to actually get the money paid to him. Him not allowing me to claim child benefit has meant that I am not eligible for some housing benefits and I am essentially poor, I live hand to mouth so that I can keep a two bedroom flat, with my son having his own room. I have my son every other weekend.

He is now asking me to sign a clean break order before our divorce is finalised. I have requested a lump sum in return for signing due to my financial hardship, but he is refusing and threatening me with court.

If this does go to court, what are my chances of achieving spousal maintenance or a lump sum? Does anyone have any kind of experience of divorce after a long separation?

I am ineligible for legal aid.

I am so grateful in advance for any help at all.

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 31/12/2020 13:49

You should take proper legal advice
You will have to pay for it
The 'free half hour' is not for advice

Amira19 · 31/12/2020 13:56

@Shmithecat2 not that I know of, his grandparents all passed away a long time ago and his parents are only in their 60's, is this something I should be asking?

Someone mentioned inheritance after youre eyes lit up and you say this isn't about money it clearly is please don't use your child as an excuse its really disingenuous given his father provides for him without any contribution from yourself. Im thinking this about control and stopping him moving on.

JulesM73 · 31/12/2020 14:19

Something dodgy going on here, other thread started by a Rosa, conveniently similar to the OPs username......

OP - if genuine, please stop this. You are using your son for revenge and using your ex as the excuse. He is not responsible for you this many years later, irrespective of how he treated you at the time. You should focus all your efforts on getting better and getting a job so you can provide for your child. As previous posters have pointed out the judge won’t award you spousal maintenance, not based on a marriage that lasted 2 years.

SeasonFinale · 31/12/2020 14:29

Even if you were married the whole 7 years it would be considered a short marriage.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/12/2020 14:40

Look the only thing you need to hear from this thread is:

NOT ONE PERSON HAS SAID YOU ARE LIKELY TO GET ANY MONEY

It's VERY simple. If 100+ Mumsnetters disagree with you then are in the wrong.

^^

I can see from the long list of posts that there are lawyers/law students/many people who are divorced/many who know lots of people who are divorced/mediators in divorce/social workers/PA's in social services who have contributed to your thread - no one thinks it at all likely you will get money.

Many are telling you to stop trying for your own mental health after 7 years of this awfulness.

We're all really sorry that there's no justice for the 7 years of abuse - but you can't get justice for abuse through financial matters in divorce - that's not how the law works.

viques · 31/12/2020 14:42

[quote Shmithecat2]@Pissoffbikes

This one and this one...[/quote]
Interesting! I wonder if it is the OP.

Someone needs to explain that even if you get lots of people agreeing with you on Mumsnet it doesn’t count as a formal legal precedent. And the converse also applies of course.

JamMakingWannaBe · 31/12/2020 14:44

This one looks related too...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/4119649-pension-sharing-after-short-marriage

MsMiaWallace · 31/12/2020 14:45

Wow OP, are you for real?
I would be more interested in seeking custody of my son back.

Bluntness100 · 31/12/2020 14:46

Hmm,, yes, something odd about this..

Shmithecat2 · 31/12/2020 14:52

[quote JamMakingWannaBe]This one looks related too...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/4119649-pension-sharing-after-short-marriage[/quote]
Good spot. I was just looking in the Divorce/Separation forum.

Nikhedonia · 31/12/2020 15:07

This is either a very common scenario, or there's at least 4 other threads talking about this exact divorce. Most bizarre.

madmumofteens · 31/12/2020 15:14

I think the OP has written multiple threads under different names hoping someone will agree with her

Cotti · 31/12/2020 15:39

My money is on the stepmother as the narrator.

VinterKvinna · 31/12/2020 16:07

Weird

Choice4567 · 31/12/2020 16:12

Well at least all the threads say broadly the same thing! What on earth are you trying to achieve @RosieWosieWoo?

Bluntness100 · 31/12/2020 16:24

@madmumofteens

I think the OP has written multiple threads under different names hoping someone will agree with her
Looking at those other threads it seems where the op says in this one that the previous relationship may be counted and not just the short marriage, she’s actually referring to some one who said it on another of her threads.

It seems she’s wanting to claim some of the equity on his family home, bought after they separated, and also he has another child with his partner. So bringing his two kids up together

If this is real then it’s awful. It would be someone going after everything he’s built since the marriage ended. She’s no hope of course, but the sheer act of it, is unpleasant. I feel sorry for the ex in this scenario. This is some form of hell that no one wants.

ResignYourself · 31/12/2020 16:24

I think RosieWosieWoo is the ex husband, mental health problems etc and has just changed genders online hoping to get sympathy as a woman claiming abuse. The other poster is more articulate, less emotive and has been proposed to and has a posting history.

Bluntness100 · 31/12/2020 16:31

Hmm,. I think it’s a woman posting. So I think it’s either the op is who she’s saying she is, or thr ex husbands new partner doing a reverse.

MaelyssQ · 31/12/2020 17:45

I agree with pp, it's time to draw a line under this.Your exH doesn't morally, ethically or legally owe you anything.You, on the other hand, owe him child support at the very least. You sound bitter and jealous that he is in a far better place, both emotionally and financially, since your short marriage ended.

You say you are a trained nurse but not currently working - are you keeping up your revalidation requirements to enable you to stay on the register?

FelicityPike · 31/12/2020 17:56

(Assuming this is real)...why the ABSOLUTE FUCK are you not paying child maintenance for your son!!! 🤬

ZadieZadie · 31/12/2020 18:32

My initial instinct is always that threads like this are bullshit, but then I remember that I know at least one person as deluded and irrational as this (though totally different circs) so you never know 💁‍♀️

CandyLeBonBon · 31/12/2020 18:33

Yeah. It all sounds pretty baffling beating in mind the multiple threads from differing perspectives

Pumpkinpied · 31/12/2020 19:36

Are we taking bets on it being the wife, partner or DH writing every other thread on MN this week?

CandyLeBonBon · 31/12/2020 19:56

What odds are you offering @Pumpkinpied?

Amira19 · 31/12/2020 21:51

I suspect op is the partner of the dh in question and the mother has mental health problems and is bitter about the break up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread