Court hearing updates

[Chumpnomore]

Hi, don't want to be all doom and gloom but I know it's useful for others to have up to date information when available if going through the court process.
I had a directions hearing today. The judge personally dialled me and my solicitor and stbx/solicitor and we had a five way call.
The judge said courts were running on a skeleton staff and had no idea when anyone would be back in court.
He said we might have to have a FDR by phone.
Anyway, thought might be useful if people waiting for news. Expect delays.

@goldwrapped I am totally thrilled for you!! The best Christmas present ever isn’t it, the huge sense of relief, I physically ached for about a week after the final hearing I guess I’d been holding so tight.
I still have to go through the house sale in the new year (potentially) but I’m ok with that. I’ve had a fab Xmas with my kids after Ex decided just before Xmas he would see them Xmas eve rather than Xmas day I can only assume as he had somewhere more important to be. 2020 has been shit but it’s taught me some important lessons. I am far stronger than I ever thought, I’ve taught my kids resilience and our bond is beyond words. I hope youve all had a peaceful Xmas and I wish you all the happiest of NYs

@goldwrapped its so good to hear your news! You have done incredibly well and im so relieved that you have at last got to this point.
Would be interested in hearing more about your financial hearing as this is still pending for me, hopefully next month.
How long was the hearing and how did you confer with your barrister? I too have teenage children at uni so am relieved that your judge acknowledged they need support for a few more years.
Did you apply for spousal support? Any extra insights or advice gratefully received!
Anyway, what a wonderful way to start a new year. At last you can have the life you deserve without fear.
All the best. CHUMP X

I'm sending the biggest shout out
I am.pleased for you I have a so.much to talk about and say but cannot jink the whole situation.
I'm going to really use my final experience to help others yes a lot to share.
Names of lawyers and barristers that have made the impossible possible waiting on paperwork to be signed ..just need to pray that his lordship finally signs bastard that he is I can't take a breathe till its done hopefully next week

@Palaver1 I’m so excited to hear your news and have 🤞🏼 That pen is put to paper soon. You have been amazing 🤩

Thank you as soon as our lordship has put the crown seal on it .
I'll let loose ..there are so many things that others might learn from this shit.
Yep so many things

Hi Everyone , @goldwrapped I had a little shiver down my spine for you. Really great news. You are so close - I've everything crossed for you.
Hope you lovely ladies are doing ok!

I'm pretty sure my ex has my settlement money, but of course won't give it me because he's in charge. He is still to sign the consent order which he's had for 16weeks or so. And get this ... CMS say he should be paying me in excess of £280 per month, but just to get this done I'm signing to say I won't make a claim , and if I do claim , I have to give him 2 of the 3 child benefits whilst we stay on this agreement. Absolute joke.

I'm just getting through this festive period, as stress free as possible, my decree Nisi should be coming through any day. Then as soon as possible that absolute will getting submitted.
I can not wait to be rid of him but my patience is running very thin regarding this settlement business. All the best for the new year everyone. I hope to post again with better tidings soon . Sending love to you all .

Has anyone submitted their own absolute application online ? Or does it have to be done via solicitors ?

@Palaver1 you're nearly there ...
@Cherrypie3456 I applied for the DA. Download, print and sign a form (D36?) and send it off. If it's been over a year since your Nisi you have to answer some questions too.

@palaver1 so pleased you are on the home straight! Its thrilling to hear about others reaching that point. Yes, please fill us in when you can.
@Cherrypie3456 sounds like your nearer too, so relieved for you. Keep in touch.
@AustinRd its really good to hear your update too. Your positively really helps!
Chump x

Hi @Chumpnomore. You're so close! Keeping everything crossed for you.
The hearing was at 2. Both barristers presented our cases then the judge gave his opinion on what he thought was reasonable-which was exactly what I had offered my ex 2 years ago.
We all then retired to discuss with our respective barristers. Back on the call, it was all agreed, then right at the last minute my ex tried to wriggle out of one part of the settlement. The judge told him he was a dick and made a date in April for a final hearing and the case was dismissed.
The barristers negotiated offline and an agreement was reached around 6pm, with an order sent to the judge at 9am the next day for his approval. The barrister contacted me at 4pm to say that as we hadn't heard anything we can assume it's been approved.
So all in all it was over 24 hours of nail biting!
I was told that the judge has university aged kids himself so that's why he was particularly sympathetic. I didn't make any claim for spousal maintenance, just a clean break.
It was traumatic to be honest. But stay cool and you will soon be out the other side.
Feel free to ask me anything! I'll be here to hold your hand all the way x

@goldwrapped thatd so helpful, thanks so much for explaining!
We had a date for November which was cancelled by court day before! Solicitor is suggesting a private FDR at the cost of £1000 because no word from court of new date. I've agreed as i can't bear it any longer.. Its been three years of time wasting and delay by ex.
Once I've got a date for private FDR I'll definitely be in touch for advice. Thank you!

Wow, really @Chumpnomore? A private FDR? I can't believe that's what you have to resort to. That is bloody unbelievable.
Good luck. Here when you need me

@Chumpnomore my story is very similar. Presented cases in the morning and raised all our issues, other side did the same judge went through all the issues and gave insight into how they expected it to go if it went to final hearing. Retired to discuss with my barrister, barristers got together lots of back and forth and 6hours(!!) of negotiations before an agreement. Back in front of the judge to close the loop and agree some wording job done!

I considered a private FDR due to court delays but ex wouldn’t agree to pay half so we stuck with the slow court process. I find it v odd that you are getting nothing when you were a cancelled hearing due to no fault of either side. What is the court saying?

Hi @AustinRd thanks for the update. Any insights are really helpful!
The court (in south east) is not answering any calls and my solicitor has emailed, again no response.
She has put in a complaint on my behalf (for free as she's so fed up!) to the ombudsmen.
Anyway, the only positive thing is if we go private FDR, at least judge is in no rush as we have paid him to be there..
If i had a date from local court, it would be ok, even if it was a way ahead. Its the not knowing that is so stressful. Apparently the local court so behind that my kind of hearing is at the back of the queue. Agony.

Hi @AustinRd @palaver1 @goldwrapped @Cherrypie3456 @Momentumneeded @merryterry
At last I have a FDR date after they cancelled previous one in November.
Its in April..
Can't believe another three months to wait.
At least i haven't had to pay for the private FDR and I've got plenty of time to update my disclosure.. Again..
Hope you are all doing OK.
Its a difficult time for everyone xx

Oh gosh - looks like lots of welcome good news here you fabulous ladies!

@goldwrapped I am SO pleased for you. I bet you still can't quite believe it. What a journey! 💪 Would be interested to hear what those extra questions entailed re. delay between nisi and absolute? My nisi was over 18mths ago 🥺.

@Palaver1 how are you doing? It sounded like you were nearly there. Hope no last minute hiccups and that there's soon some good news for you. I would also love any insights/ pearls of wisdom!

@Chumpnomore you are going to be an expert on disclosure! 🤗 Finally, finally though some progress for you with the FDR. Hoo-flipping-ray!

I can't remember what I last updated but Stbx is renting - one of the mediator's successes! But he's dug his heels in on everything else. I've pushed CM to CMS after being messed around continually so now he can't try and manipulate me anymore by threatening nonpayment. So that's good and kids are with me full time. Mediator couldn't get him to budge on being more generous (high earner) with interim maintenance but put in a valiant effort. He's now thrown his toys out of the pram and said he won't contribute to further mediation unless I agree to some frankly ridiculous (not just me - mediator said same) demands. So that's not happening. He is entrenched and just a bitter, angry man I think. Anyway, I'm in this no-mans land of indecision. I cannot afford to cover mediation costs so on the absence of any offer from him I think that only leaves court but as I'm managing financially for now (some job insecurity) and with the kids plus he's not apparently tried to enter even though he has threatened it (I think due to lockdown/ concern about it seeming like harassment) I have kind of bunkered down with my fab kids and gone all ostrich. I need to face it I think but work is stressful and it feels like I am all out of extra energy. I don't want to feel at breaking point like I did last year. I'd have to self litigate and I know he's saved a staggering amount to spend on a city solicitors/ barrister. there is no level he won't sink to so it will be horrific and we all know how long it can drag on for.... aargh. I so want it done. I'm
Just drained by it. Almost 2 years of this. Very envious of those of you who are through to the 'other side'. Any advice oh wise ones?🙏 x

Hi @Chumpnomore and @Momentumneeded
I will write more tomorrow, I didn't want to read and run. You're both in my thoughts. You WILL get there, and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger ❤️ x

@Chumpnomore so pleased you finally have a date. It will seem forever away but it will soon be here. Stay cool, stay patient and everything will be ok. Feeling your pain with the Form E. For me, it all seemed seemed a bit immaterial once we got to court. Try to ignore the nifnaf and trivia and focus on the end goal whilst keeping your sanity...
@Momentumneeded the questions will make you laugh. Copied from the .gov site:

If the application for the decree nisi/conditional order to be made absolute/final is lodged more than 12 months after the decree nisi/conditional order, an explanation in writing must be lodged with the application for the decree nisi/conditional order to be made final containing the following information:
a)why the application was not made earlier
b)a statement as to whether the parties have lived together (including any dates) since the decree nisi/conditional order
c) a statement to confirm whether or not any child(ren) have been born to the petitioner/respondent spouse since the decree nisi/conditional order was made.
I still haven't had my Absolute. Waiting eagerly for the postie every day!

@Momentumneeded really good to hear your update. It really is a fine line isnt it between putting your head down and trying to get on with some kind of normal life and just wanting to push it over the finishing line to complete closure ! So pleased you have had a taste of normality with your kids over the last few months . Keep going! ❤️
@goldwrapped thanks for your good wishes and advice.
For the third time i need to update my disclosure, including providing suitable properties for me (and teenagers) and also for him.. Im sure you can guess what id like to suggest for stbx... But unfortunately I need to be more grown up about it... 😉
Its lovely hear everyones news though. Keep in touch! ❤️

Keep going everybody!!!
@Chumpnomore how bloody annoying you have to wait until April!!! All I can say is keep focused on the key issues and your personal goals you are so close 💪🏽 I hear you on the property requirements, I found that part really odd but I suspect it can be quite telling for a judge. It certainly was in my case as ex provided some shocking properties for me and the children.
@Momentumneeded stay strong and focused on your goal. Don't be bullied or manipulated into anything and most of all trust the process. Hard I know when it feels like such a long process, but it moves very quickly once your are in front of a judge and they are giving you a very strong steer on where things will end up.

@Palaver1 how are you doing? Any news on your settlement being finalised?

Keep the updates coming xx

Hi all, it’s lovely to read some positive news. Will this new lockdown have an impact on the hearings booked in I wonder, I’ve my FDR in a months time and half expecting to get a letter postponing it 😓
I was wondering if anyone could advise me about the bundle, my ex is refusing to even attempt to discuss negotiations so he wants it to go to the FDR and most likely the Final hearing too. He is meant to be putting together the bundle as he initiated the process with form A but he won’t reply to my messages asking if he is going to do it. So I think I will put my own one together. Is that allowed as the respondent?
Do I include the initial form A, the 2 form Es and a position statement, statement of issues, chronology and a case summary at the beginning. Is there anything else I include? Is it with this that the assets and liabilities are included?
Him preparing the bundle confused me, as I think he would be subjective in what was included if he was responsible for preparing it alone. I appreciate any advice anyone can offer, I’ve tried searching online and it’s so long winded trying to find out what’s relevant and not. Thankyou for anyone’s time x

Hi @merryterry it sounds like you are doing a great job getting everything together. You are right its normally the applicant who puts the bundle together but tbh, if you end up doing it, you will be very clear with the paperwork and it cant harm having all the information to hand . Because my solicitor did the bundle i didn't pay much attention to what each section was called. However, i do know i was told only to submit one (original) form E and anything that changed as we went on, should be attached separately. So if you have changes, make sure they are clear (update on payslips, income etc)
Do you have to include property details for yourself and stbx? My solicitor advised me to be careful not to over do my requirements as it may annoy the judge! I can't remember what your situation is.
The chronological section is really important to. Date everything! Every set back and show you have been pro active in getting everything together. I think you have to list costs too? Can't see if you've said this . I think you are doing a fab job of getting this together yourself. Well done!

@Merryterry the court order from the FDA hearing should say who will prepare the bundle and that it should be agreed with the other party.

Try calling support through court, they maybe able to advise further.

@Chumpnomore that was very helpful Thankyou for the input, I’ve been proactive throughout with the paperwork no matter how longs it’s taken me (and it’s taken sooo long) but I felt it’s helped me immensely in court. The advice from here has been amazing also. That’s good advice from your solicitor, not overdoing requirements. My ex has announced the most ridiculous expenses for his requirements whereas I’ve been reasonable so hopefully that’ll go in my favour. He and I have contributed 50% to everything we jointly own and i really hope the judge will agree with me to award us both the same amount. He wants to stay in the house and cannot afford to buy me out so he is attempting to mislead the judge about his contributions. Our only child has turned into an adult through this process which in my opinion makes things even easier for a judge to assess. His pension is worth more and I am hoping I’ll be awarded some of that just as payback for him causing this grief by not just agreeing to give me what’s mine. We previously had agreed to split the property 50/50 and leave each other’s pensions alone but he’s gone back on this now he wants to stay in the house. This bundle is causing me a headache as I don’t want to include more than I should and annoy the judge. I don’t want to mess up the sections and the order of everything.
@Watermelons29 he has chosen to ignore most of the court orders to date, or the ones he’s taken on board have been late and incomplete or lies. Doing the bundle myself suits me better as like @Chumpnomore said I’ll know exactly where everything in it is, I have asked him several times if he is going to complete it as it does say we both have to agree on its contents and I get no response. I don’t want to turn up for the FDR with no bundle as I feel that would annoy the judge more. My ex has been proven to have misled the court so many times throughout this process, I can’t help taking the “give him enough rope and let him hang himself” approach. Support through court were amazing for the first appointment so I shall ask their advice for the bundle too. Thankyou x

Me again!
I haven't had my absolute yet, applied for it on December 22. I have been waiting like an excited puppy for the post every day.
I got in touch with the court who said that the application has to go back through court as it has been over 12 months since the nisi.
And now there is a massive delay in the courts so they can't give me any idea of timeframes. So frustrating! But the winning line is in sight.
I hope you beautiful lot are all keeping sane in these difficult days, sending a warm hug x

@goldwrapped thats agony! I will be in that position as nisi was June 2019....grr.
All i can say though is it will happen @goldwrapped and make sure that you let us help you celebrate when you finally hear!!