STBEH being difficult about Payment for extracurricular

[DaveTheDog]

I’m having a disagreement with my STBEH about his contributions for our child’s extracurricular activities.

Id be interested to know from single parents of secondary school age children. What do you spend each month / term on extra-curricular activities and what are they?

Just curious as to what is ‘normal’ ?

Our child does Saturday music school / band, piano once a week and science lessons.

He currently pays £150 on top of £350 a month child maintenance and this just isn’t enough. So £500 a month for one child for everything. He wants to cap this. I live in London.

Are you forcing the child/teen to do these activities? Does the child want to give any up?

What is the total cost of the extra activities each month?

@ivykaty44 this was a reverse post - if you have the time to read the whole thread you’ll see...

Anyway - a new development quite apart from the original money issue here is that the poor child is properly exhausted and has now ended up going to hospital with a bad chest infection. She was at school and doing all the usual activities while she was ill and (surprise surprise) it got bad enough for a GP to send her to hospital.

All these activities are not sustainable from a health point of view - getting up at the crack of dawn all week (she had a long journey to school), doing activities after school, then music practice and homework, with an early start on Saturdays at music school as well. One day off a week on a Sunday to rest is all she gets. She is already learning two instruments and her Mum nod wants her to learn two more and had asked for yet more money to pay for these lessons.

I don’t see how my DP is going to solve this without taking his Ex to court over child arrangements in addition to finances.

It would be interesting to see what Cafcass make of a difference in opinion over their child’s lifestyle and education.

I know she is not my child and it’s ‘not my business’ but as a Mum of two, having put a child through GCSEs already it’s hard not to worry about the pressure his DD is under.

@ivykaty44 it’s over £300 a month and my DP’s Ex is still asking for more money for more lessons. Neither of them earn enough money to pay.

Please come back and update us when the court decide the settlement , she really is in cloud cuckoo land I want to know she doesn't get what she's asked for x

Yes, update after court would be great.

Poor DSD. I hope it's been noted that mum failed to seek proper medical care and made her go to school and activities despite being so unwell. It sounds like your DP needs to seek custody so this poor girl can have a break.

Well the activity issue is resolved for now while lockdown is on so hopefully the child can rest and recover.

@strawberry2017 @Weenurse
Unfortunately court is delayed now until the end of the month and only an online 15 minute hearing - so likely delayed even further.

Meanwhile he’s lost his work and his Ex has behaved appallingly - blaming him for being Self Employed!!!

On the upside:
Yes - the activities have stopped now!
Hoorah! Lovely rest for his DD

I am assuming she has lost hers as well.
The is an increased call for supermarket workers and couriers at the moment.

Nope - she’s on 80% income and not working at all due to the nature of her job. Plus she can have a mortgage holiday. So basically she’s fine, but still banging on and on at him about not having a ‘proper job’ and being self employed.

He’s applied for the grant and various jobs. Managing to pay her £300 instead of £500 a month (still more than the CMO figure) and still she moans...

The point about him being self employed is that she works 10 days a month on an irregular roster at only 6 weeks notice - and therefore he’s always been able to cover childcare when she’s working.

He simply can’t win.

The only money your ex has to pay is the amount child maintenance says no more. So if he don’t want to pay he don’t have to. You cold always stop the activity. He isn’t obligated to pay it. You asked he said no. If you get above what he should pay I think your taking the piss asking for more. Kids actually cost like less than 20 a week to feed.