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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

STBEH being difficult about Payment for extracurricular

187 replies

DaveTheDog · 07/02/2020 16:41

I’m having a disagreement with my STBEH about his contributions for our child’s extracurricular activities.

Id be interested to know from single parents of secondary school age children. What do you spend each month / term on extra-curricular activities and what are they?

Just curious as to what is ‘normal’ ?

Our child does Saturday music school / band, piano once a week and science lessons.

He currently pays £150 on top of £350 a month child maintenance and this just isn’t enough. So £500 a month for one child for everything. He wants to cap this. I live in London.

OP posts:
pointythings · 07/02/2020 19:57

If you divorce, both sides end up with less money. That means you can't continue as before. You're going to have to cut back, like pretty much every other single parent.

Original poster
DaveTheDog · 07/02/2020 19:59

He is complaining that he’s not got enough money for any extra activities for our child and yet he seems to be able to spend money on going out with his GF and petrol on visiting her. It’s not right.

OP posts:
Original poster
DaveTheDog · 07/02/2020 19:59

I do work yes. Part time.

OP posts:
Ginbauble · 07/02/2020 19:59

Legally he only has to give you the CMS amount based on his salary and number of overnights he has.

So if you can't afford extracurricular activities you'll have to stop them or get some more money from somewhere.

Original poster
DaveTheDog · 07/02/2020 20:01

I earn about 21K, but it varies

OP posts:
ddraigygoch · 07/02/2020 20:02

So you think that all he should ever do is work and sit at home?!

Original poster
DaveTheDog · 07/02/2020 20:03

I think his GF is influencing him and suggesting he stops paying for activities for our child.

OP posts:
ddraigygoch · 07/02/2020 20:04

Maybe she can see how crazy it is.
His salary is pittance for London. Your spends are to high.
And how do you know their inner finances.

Original poster
DaveTheDog · 07/02/2020 20:05

Why does he have to be a crappy father and just pay the minimum CMS amount?!! He should be going his best for our child and the ‘recommended’ amount is too low. I’m finding it hard to make ends meet and doing all I can to give our child the best education possible. He isn’t.

OP posts:
ColaFreezePop · 07/02/2020 20:06

OP his outgoings and private life are none of your business as you are no longer together.

Be careful as if you push him he will end up just paying the CMS amount.

ColaFreezePop · 07/02/2020 20:07

OP your kid is secondary age so you have no excuse not to get a full-time job.

ColumbaPalumbus · 07/02/2020 20:07

You're having a laugh. If you reckon him taking his girlfriend out and using petrol will be seen as wrong by the court. 45k isn't much at all in London. He owes you what he owes you on the calculator and and anything extra isn't compulsory. It doesn't make it morally right but you're wasting your breathe getting het up about it. You've got no leg to stand on working part time with a secondary aged child either I'm afraid.

Original poster
DaveTheDog · 07/02/2020 20:08

I don’t know their finances - but I see they go out a lot and he has spent our joint money on hotel bookings with her in the past. I saw his credit card statements once showing this.

OP posts:
ColumbaPalumbus · 07/02/2020 20:08

Reverse?

Techway · 07/02/2020 20:08

I think the reality is that he he doesn't earn enough to pay more. It is best for your mental health if you don't focus on what he does with his money. Even with a joint income of 75k in London, spending over £300 per month for 1 child is excessive.

Maybe his gf is giving a balanced view as many of us are here. I am also a single mum and Ex pays very little towards our DC so I understand your frustration but don't fight this in court as you are unlikely to do better and it will cost a fortune.

ddraigygoch · 07/02/2020 20:10

Why are you only working P/T?

ddraigygoch · 07/02/2020 20:11

Can he call you a crappy mother for not going out and earning enough money to pay for things?

Original poster
DaveTheDog · 07/02/2020 20:11

Also - he spends a lot of time at her house, and yet he wants me to sell the FMH (I’m living in it and he’s renting). I want to stay in in the home until our child has finished secondary education. That’s only reasonable surely?

OP posts:
ForMySorrow · 07/02/2020 20:12

Arguing about what he should be paying morally is pointless. Rules is rules. On his earnings he's paying way over the CMS minimum. He doesn't have to pay more, whether it's fair or not.
A court will also expect to see you working full time in this instance.

ZombieFan · 07/02/2020 20:13

He only has to pay the £350 a month child maintenance. If you want that increased you have to take him to court but he does not have to pay anything more for extracurricular, as that is included in the child maintenance.

£500 a month sounds a lot when he has DC 1/3 of the time.

ddraigygoch · 07/02/2020 20:13

Can you afford all the bills on your own?
Mortgage, water, gas, electric, CT?

HalfBiscuit · 07/02/2020 20:14

If your child is old enough to be studying for GCSEs why can't you work full time?

Based on his salary what he pays you is more than reasonable.

Teacupover5 · 07/02/2020 20:16

You really need to take a look at yourself .
My ExH pays nothing for my 14 year old but I have got on and worked hard to increase my own earnings so my son doesn't miss out .
Having a child with someone doesn't automatically entitle you an income you want but don't need to work for .

TitianaTitsling · 07/02/2020 20:20

he seems to be able to spend money on going out with his GF and petrol on visiting her do you wear only sackcloth and live on bread and water?

Herringbone31 · 07/02/2020 20:21

He’s paying maintenance

It’s your choice to have these activities. He doesn’t have to pay legally

Morally maybe you feel it’s wrong. But legally there’s not much you can do really