@Shinsplints I bet you didn't expect this length of thread when you originally posted! Have just spent a couple of hours reading through.
My timeline almost mirrors yours. Partner announced in August that I wasn't happy! He couldn't even take the responsibility for initiating the break up. We'd grown apart, we don't do anything together, he felt so lonely... etc etc. You know the drill.
Turns out he's been having an affair for quite some time but "it's not the cause of our separation". I discovered this very soon after and took my time to confront him which was the most satisfying evening of the last few months to watch him squirm. The woman has left an 18 year marriage and has teenage kids, but none of this is linked! He moved out in November, but it was like witnessing a teenager going off to uni for the first time. He was excited.
We have a 9 year old who is devastated that her father lives elsewhere, can't get her head around living in two homes, doesn't understand why we can't live together. I've tried to be honest but it's hard when she doesn't know the whole story. I wanted to protect her because I thought it would be too shocking for her to find out that her father is a disrespectful dick.
He wants to do 50/50 and is falling over himself to get into a weekend routine so he can sync it and spend it with his g/f. He's so transparent. Everything is about how he's doing me a favour. I see through everything now. He's been like this all through our relationship.
Our child has no idea about this other woman but it's only a matter of time before she makes this discovery. She is sharp and although he says he has no intention of introducing in the first year, she will spot a text or something.
I don't know how to support my daughter, I'm doing my best while quietly seething/falling apart inside. She cries most nights. She's in my bed. She's angry. It's awful to witness.
Just seeing a completely different side to this man who I've spent 15 years with. He's self centred and mean, but also charismatic and he's brilliant at his own PR. He's telling people this is a mutual decision. Didn't even tell his parents about the affair, so his mum's calling me and saying how surprised she is that we didn't try counselling etc. I put her straight.
It's nearly 4 months on and I feel stronger. The difficult part for me is not seeing my daughter every day. And seeing how confused and upset she is. I'm also anxious about her finding out about the OW and then being angry at me for lying.
I don't miss him at all. I feel happier not having to deal with him and his serious/sad face that he puts on for me (while I imagine he's the life and soul, living it up with OW). What I miss is the idea of someone looking out for me but I can't actually recall when our relationship was last like that. I don't know how I'd have coped without my friends and understanding colleagues in the last few months.
I'm with you on the OLD. It's too soon. I read that you should have a years break for each 5 years of the relationship.
I hope you don't think I'm hijacking your thread. It just seems to be such a common occurrence but there is light at the end of the tunnel. This is when Mumsnet comes into its own.