Divorce support group?

[Atleastthedogisfaithful]

Does anyone have any experience of any good divorce support groups either online or face to face? It is 18 months since my husband left me after having an affair for 12 months. I have found it a rocky road financially and emotionally with good days and bad days - I suppose I want some reassurance life will get easier at some point!

I'm doing ok! I've been to work today which is a nice distraction!

Just catching up on everyone's messages.
Selena thank you for the link, that's great.

I keep nodding my head reading these messages and people's experiences of insecurity, being bullied, the injustice of it all.

I keep thinking I should just 'get over it' but it's hard when it was such a major life event. A friend of mine went through something similar and 18 months on she declared that the separation (and his affair) was 'the best thing that ever happened to [her].'

I can't wait to hear how that could be the case but I've heard other people say that looking back, they felt their ex had done them a favour by leaving and they were so much happier now.

I really hope I can get there one day and keep thinking I just need to fake it til I make it. ha ha.

AimeeFrank just putting your profile on Tinder was really brave and a little step forward so well done. I did the same several months ago and had to wade through some crazies and sex pests but there are some good people still out there, honestly!

HRMumness that is very bad behaviour on your ex's part and I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. Similarly I get very affected everytime my ex does something and I have to try and learn to step back and think about it objectively. It's hard though. I try to limit contact to emails or texts and if he writes something upsetting/challenging I wait to respond instead of just 'jumping' at his suggestions like I used to do. It helps a bit.

Thank you team ❤️ This is so helpful and makes me feel better. I’m full of doubt about myself and thinking H is right but I’m hoping that will go x

Not to badly over here as well occupied with the special one appointments and all that
Had a great Sunday out so nothings going to mess my thunder for now.

Any of you have an ex still in the house and won’t go? Finding this almost impossible atm

Itsinthespoon that's really trying! My ex and I lived together for a month after he announced he was leaving and it was awful. My skin crawled just being in the same room with him.
Advice I had from friends was to stop doing ANYTHING for him and to go out as much as possible, dressed to the nines and not explaining where I'd be.
Why won't he move out though? Have you progressed with the divorce at all? I am finding it tediously slow...

Hi spritesobright I go out as much as I can! And keep things peaceful for the DC.

He doesn’t want to go, so he doesn’t think he needs to - he sees everything entirely from his point of view.

We are awaiting the consent order back from court and not until that is in force does he legally have to go.

Selfish men a theme here

"He doesn’t want to go, so he doesn’t think he needs to" - ha ha, head in sand much. I hope the consent order comes through quickly.

I'm a bit upset because of my eldest DD right now. They are 5 and 7 and recently I agreed to a new access arrangement with their father where they see him EOW and 2 nights a week. Eldest DD came back this morning really stroppy and then burst into tears when I had a go at her bad behaviour. She said she didn't want to go to her Dad's anymore and she missed me! I felt so bad for telling her off even though she was making our school journey really difficult.

They had been asking me to see their father more and that was what he wanted as well but now I feel bad, like maybe I should have stuck to my gut more and insisted on keeping arrangements as they were.

I'm sure they will get used to it and it's just an adjustment but it's still so hard. Why did he have to split up our family like that? For his own selfishness, as you say SimonfromHarlow Grrrr.

Tell me about it Simonfromharlow !!
Not bothered about anyone else’s feelings (unless it makes them look good)

Cross-posted with you sprite
Thanks, so do I, it’s awful being still subject to his manipulative behaviour. I’m so sorry you’re having this upset over your eldest DD. I suppose at least she has a feeling of security and safety with you, where she can say how she feels - but so tough on you x

@ItsInTheSpoon exactly!! Worries about their image. I saw a mediator today and she said the financials he'd offered me where only fair to him and not me as he wasn't thinking of his massively higher earning capacity and the fact that I have 2 kids to look after and can't just Swan about

@Simonfromharlow were you happy with what he offered? I hope the mediation process helps you sort things out soon. It’s such a long, slow, expensive process, and so hard to deal with all the waiting.

Regarding their image, of course it only matters to people they want to impress. And of course all the bad stuff is all our fault!

I wasn't overly happy with it. I agreed with the mediator!

Thanks Itsinthespoon yes, that is good that she can express herself at least. I don't think she tells her Dad how she's feeling. The whole narrative of him leaving was that he was unhappy so I think unconsciously she has colluded in trying not to upset him.
Simonfromharlow at least the mediator is looking out for you. That's reassuring. My experience of mediation was that she just wanted any deal to be settled, regardlessof its 'fairness.'
Can I ask what your access arrangements are with the kids?

He works crazy hours and lives about an hour away from us now so it's just eow and as and when during the holidays.

@Simonfromharlow yes, it’ll be great if the mediator can help you get a good deal.

The high earnings capacity of the exHs seems to be a frequent theme - with the mums’ careers having often been totally ruined by doing most of the childcare - not that I would have minded this so much if it hadn’t been totally taken for granted

Same!! I'd told him once I wanted to get a job. He said he didn't like the idea because it would make HIS life difficult. Then I said I had no life and felt depressed he said I didn't need a life. He said my life was looking after my family. I didn't see how appalling that was until after we split. He just saw me as a house maid and nanny at the end. Obviously why he found it so easy to walk out.

It’s even worse if you work for your (ex)H’s business... oh sorry, I should say “work for my H” as he was so keen to put it to everyone

😒

I would like to join.

Hello!

Hello SingleMumFighting - great name

Hi all. Hopefully I can join the chat this evening. Got my hands full with dinner. There is too much to tell.

Another one wanting to join please.

Over three years on and still living in limbo, I actually can't believe this will ever end.

Ex left (bombshell-out of the blue, he'd rewritten history and our 23 year relationship was "broken" apparently) in May 2016. Two DC 13 and 9 at the time he left.

We've had the decree nisi since April 2017, first court hearing was Mar 2018 and just had next court date through for September 2019 - ironically on what would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. He has dragged it out as long as possible at every stage just because he won't agree to a 50/50 split and won't be told that's how it works.

Anyway, I'm sick of my tale of woe, it'll be good to share highs and lows and support each other.