Is this reasonable financial split and child maintenance?

[GerdaMyArse]

I’ve been separated for over two years and the divorce is now happening (he is divorcing me).

My Ex is currently giving me £500 a month for our 13 year old child, paying school fees and sometimes other ad-hoc expenses like school trips. But this isn’t enough to cover all the music lessons and other expenses there are. I think that he should be paying more. I’m also thinking of asking him for spousal maintenance.

Also he doesn’t think a 70/30 split on the house is fair.

I don’t know what is normal in these circumstances. Advice please.

PS not saying my ex is gold standard - I find his contribution practical, financial and emotional to our son’s upbringing so negligible it is laughable he thinks he is in any way a parent! But your ex doesn’t sound like he is trying to renege on his responsibilities!

Oh and you moved away so it should be you who does the travelling not your ex.

Him moving nearer is a good thing surely? It means your son will have his Dad nearby and involved in his day to day life. It sounds like you withdrew him coming to your flat (despite being the one who moved away) as punishment for him daring to suggest he would start having his son at his own place once he moved.

Oh and look up parental alienation. Please don’t be THAT person. You need to do everything in your power to facilitate and promote a relationship between your son and ex. Don’t let the hatred blind you.

Good luck going down CMS route with a self employed dad, my ex owed be £60,000+, declared himself bankrupt 3 days before he was taken to court for CM arrears, I've never seen a penny. Be glad he's as generous as he is.

My Ex is still able to see our son - at least twice a week in the daytime - so I haven’t stopped contact!

But you have no good reason for stopping overnight contract do you op? He is 13 not a tiny baby.

He should be having him overnight. There's no reason why he shouldn't have that.

It isn’t really the same as having a parenting relationship though twice a week for tea is it?

I'd like to understand how a couple on £50k can afford private school and a holiday home. I earn more than that on my own, with no family, and I can't see how I could buy a holiday home.

Any financial management tips OP?

So what's the problem with him moving nearer and having him EOW for example? Plus if you are working away a third of the month why do you think it's better for him to be with one of your friends than his own father?

vangogh me and dp earn similar and could probs afford a tiny apartment somewhere (when ds is not in nursery any more!) But certainly not private school fees as well!

Surely you want your son to have a good relationship with his father? Sounds like what other posters have said, he only wants that because of you.

Five years time you will get nothing at all

Clearly most of you think I aim being mean here... I still don’t get this as it’s my Ex’s choices in life that have led us here - not mine or my son’s.

So - what do you think is a reasonable split of our two properties - given he’s saying he will pay school fees from his share of the house? I think he intends to either pay in advance or save the money in another account (up to GCSE, possibly A level).
?

I intend to hold him to the £500 a month - my solicitor suggested asking for spousal maintenance on top.

Your son is entitled to stay overnight at his dads house, a lot of children have 2 homes. Please stop being greedy, you get way above csa maintenance. If your ex took this to court he would get overnights, he can drop the maintenance to the csa level and stop paying for extras, you need to be more realistic and a 70/30 split isnt realistic.

How do you expect him to afford spousal maintenance?

50/50 on everything.
That's fair.
It doesn't matter if you don't want it, he does and it is what is happening. You don't get everything you want unfortunately.

There won't be any money left for spousal maintenance ?

50/50 and get a better solicitor. Yours is telling you what you want to hear.

When I split from my ex an amount was agreed between solicitors. He then got made redundant. He has not worked in a regular job since, so maintenance is hit and miss depending on what worth's has each month.

Anything agreed now is not definite for the next five years.

Spousal maintenance? Why would you be entitled to this? You have a job and your salaries aren't that different. You aren't coming across great here op.

The man has decided he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. He has given and is continuing to pay FAR more than he is legally expected to, any assets in a divorce should be split EQUALLY and children's time split fairly and reasonably. This man does not owe you anything! You are bitter over your life changing because someone else has decided they don't want to continue their life with you. That is his right and choice to do so and he does not need to be financially liable for you for the rest of his life and be crippled in every way possible with you guilt tripping him over ridiculous amounts of expenses and extra curricular activities. You sound very spoiled and pampered in my honest opinion!

The fact that you didn't want the divorce is irrelevant to the fair division of assets. Neither of you is entitled to maintain the same standard of living post divorce.

Your ex is currently being generous. I'd be very wary that by pushing for excessive amounts he'll realise you're taking the piss and stop paying more than he is legally obliged to. Try and keep it amicable.

50/50 split of properties would be fair. Your ex sounds like he’s doing the right thing by your DS financially.