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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Is this reasonable financial split and child maintenance?

266 replies

GerdaMyArse · 12/05/2019 17:14

I’ve been separated for over two years and the divorce is now happening (he is divorcing me).

My Ex is currently giving me £500 a month for our 13 year old child, paying school fees and sometimes other ad-hoc expenses like school trips. But this isn’t enough to cover all the music lessons and other expenses there are. I think that he should be paying more. I’m also thinking of asking him for spousal maintenance.

Also he doesn’t think a 70/30 split on the house is fair.

I don’t know what is normal in these circumstances. Advice please.

OP posts:
ffs74 · 12/05/2019 17:54

£500 per month and school fees plus extras seems reasonable if he's earning 30k Why on earth did you even consider private education on your salaries?!
I'm 10 years post divorce. Have received approx £400 in total in those years. Also was left with a ton of debts!!

Anothertempusername · 12/05/2019 17:54

On 27k he's paying private school fees and £500 per month? Ok then.

Citygirl2019 · 12/05/2019 17:55

Based on his salary you are being paid well for your DC. It certainly doesn't sound unfair. You will not get spousal maintenance.

You will need to look at tax credits if you have a low paid job or is it low paid due to part time? If it's due to being part time you need to think about increasing your hrs.

Divorce is hard. When I split up I had to increase my hrs and take on a mortgage. Yes, it's not ideal but you need to do what you can to support yourself.

In five years time he can stop paying maintenance. You need to start planning and quickly.

hsegfiugseskufh · 12/05/2019 17:56

Yes a court would take into account your sons wishes but any judge worth their salt will be able to see that his wishes have been strongly encouraged by you.

Your husband is not divorcing your son, he is divorcing you.

QuickQuestion2019 · 12/05/2019 17:57

This thread has to be made up. No one can pay school fees plus 500 on 30k a month! School fees are at least 1000pcm, that only gives you a few hundred change out of 30k

AlyssasBackRolls · 12/05/2019 17:58

500 a month plus school fees on a 30k salary will be probably half his income. I t

cocomelon23 · 12/05/2019 17:59

No way is this real.

Zofloramummy · 12/05/2019 18:00

You are asking for way too much. You are going to have to have a mortgage. And your child needs to be in state school. You have 5 years until all maintenance will stop and you should I plan for how you will manage that now. Which means being able to be financially solvent without relying on maintenance. You earn a decent amount. 70% will give you a good deposit. You’ll just have to cut back on other stuff and be grateful that you can afford to buy at all!

Original poster
GerdaMyArse · 12/05/2019 18:01

I moved away a couple of years ago, I am the main cater and my Ex had been travelling from the former marital home to my house look after our son when I was working. My Ex says he wants to move nearby - but my son says he doesn’t want two homes. I have been advised by my solicitor that it’s all about the child’s wishes.

OP posts:
DeMac74 · 12/05/2019 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Zofloramummy · 12/05/2019 18:01

Oh and you are being obstructive to access. Family courts really don’t like that.

MissBPotter · 12/05/2019 18:02

He also has ladders and a rental property by the sounds of things.

NoSquirrels · 12/05/2019 18:02

Either he earns way more self-employed than £40K (to be able to pay out school fees PLUS £500 a month), in which case you’re not unreasonable in wanting a greater share of the split OR he’s already overcommitted and you’re being absolutely in cloud cuckoo land to imagine he should pay more just because you didn’t want to split up.

Bythebeach · 12/05/2019 18:02

You may not have wanted to divorce but that is your reality. And surely you have more self-respect than to remain with a man who does not want to be with you. With regard to maintenance, dividing one home into two means both parties lose out financially and just because you didn’t instigate the divorce doesn’t mean you should have more!

Just for the record, my ex pays 300ish for my 13 year old, never paid a penny of 7 years of private primary education and never pays extras in 11.5 years for music/rugby/any other extra. Your ex sounds like he is trying to fulfil his responsibilities to your son with fully paying school fees plus £500 a month. You sound like your expectations of his contribution are excessive!

MissBPotter · 12/05/2019 18:02

Lodgers!!

Original poster
GerdaMyArse · 12/05/2019 18:02

carer above

OP posts:
MsSquiz · 12/05/2019 18:03

Unless we are waiting on a huge drip feed about him being abusive, violent, or an addict, any parent worth their salt should encourage their child's relationship with the parent they don't live with.

Your husband is divorcing you, not your son, or are you too bloody blinded by maintenance to be able to see that?

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/05/2019 18:03

This is the second bat shit thread I’ve read on here today by an OP who seems utterly clueless about what they’re “owed” Shock

TacoLover · 12/05/2019 18:04

You didn't want the divorce? Do you still want to actually stay married to this man(the one that you want to take as much as you can from)?

You know that just because you didn't want the divorce, doesn't mean you are entitled to moreHmm

NoSquirrels · 12/05/2019 18:04

my son says he doesn’t want two homes

This is really sad - he’d rather not see his dad at all?

hsegfiugseskufh · 12/05/2019 18:05

Lets be honest though your child only wants that because thats what youve told him to want.

mintbiscuit · 12/05/2019 18:05

Bloody hell OP. He earns £40k pa max?!!!!! Shock

No judge in his right mind would award you any more money. Also a judge won’t give two hoots who is divorcing who in terms of financial settlement. In fact, if you went to court you would probably end up with far less.

You are not covering yourself in glory here.

I would seriously consider moving your son to state school now before he starts his GCSEs. Private school fee are not sustainable in the long term and you cannot guarantee that your ex will pay for them either. A judge would likely say the same.

Either way you need legal advice on splitting the assets.

Citygirl2019 · 12/05/2019 18:05

Of course your child's views will be taken into account. However, if your ex can evidence he can provide a home for your son and it's safe etc, it will also be taken into account you choose not to use it.

Also, you have stopped the overnight contact at your home. Not your ex

AlexaShutUp · 12/05/2019 18:05

But this isn’t enough to cover all the music lessons and other expenses there are.

You do realise that it's your child as well, don't you? So it's your responsibility to contribute to the cost of raising him as well as your ex's?

Why do you think you should be entitled to spousal maintenance?

PolarBearBubbles · 12/05/2019 18:05

How on earth can you afford any luxuries let alone private school on a combined income of maximum £60k? That's crazy.