Is this reasonable financial split and child maintenance?

[GerdaMyArse]

I’ve been separated for over two years and the divorce is now happening (he is divorcing me).

My Ex is currently giving me £500 a month for our 13 year old child, paying school fees and sometimes other ad-hoc expenses like school trips. But this isn’t enough to cover all the music lessons and other expenses there are. I think that he should be paying more. I’m also thinking of asking him for spousal maintenance.

Also he doesn’t think a 70/30 split on the house is fair.

I don’t know what is normal in these circumstances. Advice please.

You sound very bitter about the split. Your son will have picked up on that. Just because he doesn't want to upset his mum doesn't mean that he doesn't want or would benefit from a proper parenting relationship with his father.

OP seriously geta better solicitor - yours is telling you what you want to hear not what is realistic.

You will not get spousal maintenance, your ex is being a good father, please encourage your son to spend time and stay overnight with his father - courts will take the views of your son, but I'm guessing your ex will be able to show how youve influenced your sons views.

It sounds as if you are still upset from the break up, but remember he is divorcing you because he is unhappy. Please think logically rather than with your emotions otherwise you could end up much worse financially which would really impact your sons quality if life.

How old are you, and why don't you want to get a mortgage? Is there enough in the pot for two mortgage free houses? When I divorced I had to buy the ex out of the house, taking on a much bigger mortgage than we even started with as prices had skyrocketed.

I’m shocked your solicitor is suggesting trying for spousal maintenance

Suspect solicitor is happy to take this to court - it'll be a long protracted affair which means £££ for the solicitor...

You think its good that hes happy and doesnt want to see his father anymore? The same man that you dont want to divorce?

You need help op and a judge will rip you apart and they bloody should too.

What about weekends? Why can’t he have an overnight EOW? Also you chose to move so far away. In court you could be ordered to travel to facilitate access.

"I have been advised by my solicitor that it’s all about the child’s wishes." Bullshit! And IF this is real and IF they did say that they need reporting to the law society!

I suspect IF ANY of this is true that the solicitor said this its all about the child's best interests which is NOT the same thing.

As for your attitude to the divorce - your ex has autonomy and you can't force someone to stay married to you. Quite frankly with how you're coming across here (though I too suspect reverse or new partner posting as if ex too) I'm not bloody surprised he's divorcing you!

Spousal maintenance is generally only for sahp with high earning exs where the agreement - discussed or otherwise - was that the sahp was doing so in order to facilitate other spouses high flying but long hours and travel involved career

You may not be obviously blocking contact but you're frustrating it and from what I've read alienating your child from his other parent - that's emotional abuse of your child!

Surely if he’s saying he’s happy and doesn’t want to see his father any more, then it’s fine?

Lets turn this around and pretend for a moment that he is living with your EX, would you be happy to have such limited contact?

Also nice change of phrasing there. One minute he doesn't want two homes, and the next he's suddenly saying he doesn't want to see his father any more.

Why did you move 3 hours away?

And what have you told your ds about the divorce? Daddy doesn’t want usanymore?

Yes, why did you move 3 hours away, and change your sons school?

Hang on, so on take home pay of circa 2300 pcm he's paying school fees of say 1200, maintainence of 500 AND THE MORTGAGE?

The maths doesn't add up OP. Tell the truth.

Divorced and been through court person here. Has your solicitor not advised you of how it works?

All assets are put in one pot. The starting divide is 50/50. A court will look at both your finances and indeed your individual needs and the division is more likely to be higher in your favour as you have a child. In my experience it is usually at the 60/40, 70/30 mark. However, this all depends on a multitude of things that you can't possibly cover here.

Child maintenance is not dealt with by the court. It is either private arrangement or through the CMS. Use the CMS calculator to see what you would receive based on your ex's earnings.

Spousal maintenance is not awarded for life (only in rare cases), and you work, therefore, I'd be surprised if you were awarded it at all. I can't see a case here for spousal at all.

In terms of child arrangements :

The usual arrangement is for the non resident parent to have the child every other weekend and one night midweek. If your ex were to take you to court, this is probably what he would be awarded. Yes, they do take wishes and feelings into account but they also base their decision on what is in the best interests of the child and maintaining a close relationship with the NRP.

If you can't manage on your one income and maintenance, then you will have to find a better job, see if you are entitled to some universal credit and indeed cut back and cut down.

My husband left me, emptied the bank accounts, sacked me from our business and left me with a 2 year old, completely penniless. When we got to court, I got a good settlement in terms of property but he pays £22 per week maintenance because he's self employed and just declares sod all to avoid paying. The court are not going to tell your ex off because he wants a divorce. They are not going to award on the basis of maintaining your lifestyle.

You need a better solicitor. Good luck.

Why did you move 3 hours away?
You're supposed to encourage a relationship between your son and his dad not poison him against him. He's divorcing you, not his son.

I perfectly understand why in this temporary situation (until house sold) why your DS doesn’t do overnights.

But you’re talking about not even allowing a more regular sort of contact even when your ex will be moving closer solely in order to facilitate access. That’s really not good. You should be encouraging your DS to live with his dad as much as possible.

Ladies and gentlemen - if you ever fjnd yourself wondering what child abuse looks like....it's this. OP you have engineered a situation to make it very hard for your ex to maintain a relationship with his child. You're precenting overnight contact. And you're manipulating your child into supporting your view that be shouldn't have two homes. That's your voice, not his.

I don't really care about the money. You're utterly batshit on that - but court will put you straight soon enough.

Your child is the priority. Keep going as you are, and your ex will be given residence, and you'll get contact. Which sounds like it would be exactly the right outcome in this set of circumstances.

You should know if you went through CMS you'd be awarded £360pm and not another penny. Be glad he's amicable and generous. Just because your angry doesn't give you the right to alienate your son from his dad and to take every penny off him, 70/30 split in house sale: you really are delusional especially as he's paying the mortgage and you aren't contributing only taking.

Ladies and gentlemen - if you ever fjnd yourself wondering what child abuse looks like....it's this

100% agree with this OP should be ashamed.

I just don't see how your ex can pay 500 a month, school fees, spousal support and have any money left to afford to eat. This doesn't sound right.

Yep, you're ridiculous, entitled and selfish.

If someone does not want to be with you, they're entitled to leave and divorce you. Just because it's not something you want, it doesn't invalidate his desire to divorce.

Grow up, take financial responsibility for yourself and stop being purposely difficult and greedy.

Seriously, you are a cheeky fucker here.

Op you stopped over night contact, stop playing god with your sons life. If your ex took you to family court, this will really go against you, you are more bothered about what you can get rather than reassuring your child that he has 2 parents that love him and want to spend time with him. You probably stopped it as more nights means less money for you.

You are being really selfish "I didn't want this neither did my son" so you wanted someone to stay with you forever when they were unhappy? He's paying way more than he should be you'll just have to work harder to get a promotion.

And the courts don't count children's wishes and feelings like this example at all .

I get that your angry about the divorce but your completely blindsided by this. 500 a month is a huge amount. I get less than half that for 2 children. Child maintenance is to be spent on the child's living, food, clothing, gas electric etc. You shouldn't be relying on it to pay your rent. Remember in a few years you won't get this money at all. You earn a good wage, I can't see how you can't manage. And stopping the over nights is really going to go against you. Put yourself on the other side. Can your husband afford a house with his share of you split 70/30? Can you both on 50/50? Your being really unfair