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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Wife having affair. Refuses to move out

283 replies

Areallusernamestaken · 08/05/2019 20:43

My wife is having an affair with a toyboy (10+ years younger). It's destroyed our marriage and I've asked her to move out.

She is refusing and continuing affair despite the fact it's incredibly upsetting and I have let her know as much. Our kids don't know what's going on yet but I just want her gone ASAP so I can get on with my rebuilding my life.

She earns enough to rent and will likely get around £100k pay out when things are done as I'm planning on buying her out of the house.

Is there anything I could do to get her out of my life? I can't stand to see her texting and getting tarted up to go see the dick who has helped destroy our family. The only response I get from her is "give me what I'm owed". I think the real reason is she wants to move in with toyboy but doesn't want his income to be used in any financial settlements.

Shit situation and I'm fed up of it, help!

OP posts:
Ss770640 · 07/09/2019 16:43

Shit situation. Same as mine but she moved out.

  1. Don't move out
  1. Only what was earned during marriage is split 50/50. Pre marital is returned to each person assuming she hasn't suffered any economic disadvantage (stay at home mum for 10 years for example)
  1. Gifts and inheritance are excluded from marital pot.
  1. Value all properties, pensions, document all gifts etc and get statements from banks.
  1. Get legal advice. File on grounds of adultery. Generally this is frowned upon.
  1. Tell her if she wants her money she needs to leave the house for 1 year then the divorce can proceed.

Get all your paperwork in order. And talk to a councillor to vent

Good luck

You'll be much happier without the cheat

yellowallpaper · 08/09/2019 16:20

Start divorce proceedings. You can do this quite cheaply (was £430) by downloading g all the forms and getting them sent off to the court. The decree nici doesn't take long. Don't put anything incendiary as she may not sign the papers. Just get it started. Don't talk to her, she sounds horrible, u til you have t9 and keep it to the divorce settlement, buy out and division of assets.

yellowallpaper · 08/09/2019 16:27

SS is talking rubbish, a simple divorce which she needs to agree to doesn't need one person to move out. Citing adultery may put her back up and make her think it disadvantages her financially, so make it things like, constant arguments, different points of view, total breakdown in communication, separate bedrooms/lives......just google good reasons acceptable to the judge and your Wife. Then she will sign and a decree nisi appears very quickly. Decree absolute 6 weeks later. You will need a solicitor to draw up a financial split and agree child maintenance, contact etc.

You want and need her cooperation however bad you feel about her. That's the quickest way to get rid of her.

Areallusernamestaken · 25/09/2019 13:46

Hello again!

I've not updated here for a while but a lot of things have changed.

Firstly, I've submitted divorce proceedings against my wife, paid the £550 and so am hopefully moving on....although there is a spanner in the works, see further comments below.

Secondly, after dipping my toe into online dating, seeing a couple of women, getting scared, closing my accounts, I've met a lovely woman who ive started seeing properly. She is a couple of years younger than me with no kids, but we get on really well and are happy in each other's company (sorry if that's too soppy for some of you!!). I thought everything was finally going to work out ok.....

....that is until my ex reared her ugly head again. Noooo!

The childcare has worked that we share youngest 50% and then eldest has tea at ex's house on the nights youngest stays over. Oldest is almost 16 and generally stays with me, however is a typical teenager and spends most of their time in bed or online. As such, I've taken youngest to the seaside and left oldest at home by themself. Absolutely no issues with ex, ive shared photos etc, no issues whatsoever.

However, one night when I was out on a date my eldest wanted to come back to mine. Ex dropped them off but as I wasn't in she wanted to know where I was. I told her the truth, that I was seeing someone.

From that point on, my life has been made a misery. She is now stating she wants full custody, says she should have the house and all sorts of other nonsense.

Last night she started screaming abuse at me in front of youngest, saying I was a disgusting disgrace, picking tarts and slappers up to go balls deep etc etc. Youngest was visibly upset so i tried to walk away but she kept on and on. Now I've had a barrage of texts saying I'm a terrible dad and only she can care for kids. I've told my solicitor to prepare for the worst, but I'm hoping it will blow over.

I'm really upset by it as I've done nothing wrong. I've not been sleeping around or anything like that, my kids have come first and I've also been helping ex with her finances. Now she turns round and wants to destroy my life all over again.

It's so hypocritical, as she has introduced youngest to her toyboy, has booked a holiday with toyboy and his son in school term, but not thought about her own children and she does virtually no washing for kids or school stuff. I'm at 2 parties with youngest this weekend as ex is "too busy", I'm taking oldest to get stuff sorted for work experience as ex forgot and I keep asking her to read and do spellings with youngest but she just "doesn't have time!".

She has also told me that I'm spending more time with my "tart" than she does with her "partner" and "it's not normal to see each other so often". She also maintains she's "very happy, in fact the happiest she's been in years", with toyboy.

What on earth is going on in her head? Or am I the one in the wrong here?

I just want my life back!

On a final positive note, I passed an assessment to be a police special constable, just the medical and fitness test to go and then it's on to full training! God knows what my ex will think of that when she finds out I'll be a voluntary police man! Haha

Take care x

OP posts:
MrsRufusdog789 · 25/09/2019 16:59

You have done nothing wrong . This reaction to you moving on was going to be par for the course from the day she found this younger man .
Nearly the same thing happen to my DH when his son was 10 . His ex started an affair with a younger man who died in a motorcycle accident.
He'd left his wife and children for her . After the accident she insisted on him return to the family home . He refused as he couldn't bring himself to live under the same roof as her but financially maintained his son and paid the mortgage . She threatened to burn the house down more than once with herself and their son in it .
At this stage he had a few girlfriends but no one serious till me .
They had been long divorced at that stage. When she realised we were an item she went crazy . It was difficult but eventually she latched onto someone older and calmed down .
When your soon to be ex says she's never been happier with her toy boy she probably means the opposite .
You shouldn't have to creep around with your new found love . It's her fault if the children become upset . Stick it out . She will use any trick to try to hurt you . She can't get full custody of the children or the house . After this is behind you your life will be good - hers won't be . She sounds narcissistic cold and very selfish . That toy boy will make her unhappy in the end . Concentrate on what makes you happy and don't let her get under your skin.

SonofDeva · 06/06/2025 09:48

Areallusernamestaken
. It is nearly six years since your last post and just wanted to know how you have been and life in general and hopefully got divorced! Promise I'm not you ex!!

ginislife · 07/06/2025 14:20

Yes, I’ve just read the entire thread and also want to know how life has panned out for you all. (I need to get a life really 😂)

Farmwifefarmlife · 07/06/2025 19:24

ginislife · 07/06/2025 14:20

Yes, I’ve just read the entire thread and also want to know how life has panned out for you all. (I need to get a life really 😂)

Don’t worry I have too 😂 would love an update !

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