Wife having affair. Refuses to move out

[Areallusernamestaken]

My wife is having an affair with a toyboy (10+ years younger). It's destroyed our marriage and I've asked her to move out.

She is refusing and continuing affair despite the fact it's incredibly upsetting and I have let her know as much. Our kids don't know what's going on yet but I just want her gone ASAP so I can get on with my rebuilding my life.

She earns enough to rent and will likely get around £100k pay out when things are done as I'm planning on buying her out of the house.

Is there anything I could do to get her out of my life? I can't stand to see her texting and getting tarted up to go see the dick who has helped destroy our family. The only response I get from her is "give me what I'm owed". I think the real reason is she wants to move in with toyboy but doesn't want his income to be used in any financial settlements.

Shit situation and I'm fed up of it, help!

I'm glad you Exwife is moving out on the 15th, at least that will give your dc to have the summer holidays to get used to the new home situation.

I agree now not the time to look for 'dates'. You need to give yourself time to grieve the end of your relationship and help your DC to their new living arrangement.

To be fair, I didn't look, it just sort of happened... I put no effort into finding a date other than a very basic match profile to shut people up at work!

I'm really not after anything at this stage, but it was nice to have an afternoon out and speak with someone new... she was the one who wanted to take things beyond just an afternoon out and kissed me (I was honestly shocked!), but it didnt spark for either of us, probably because I've got other things on my mind.

Dont worry, after all I've been through I'd never prioritise this sort of thing above my kids.

Wow, just read the whole thread and from your POV, I must say what a fantastic dad you seem. I sincerely hope that everything goes positively with telling the kids going forward x

Good luck

I've just read your whole thread and all I can say how amazingly civil you've been in this whole situation.

What a fantastic role model you are for your daughter.

I hope things progress in the way that you want them to, and when you are ready, I'm sure that you'll find someone as lovely as yourself.

@valleysgirl72

Thank you :)

Yes, I don't have it in me to hold grudges or be nasty. I just don't see the point as long term it just affects you more than accepting and moving on.

Tonight it has hit my ex wife hard. She's been in floods of tears, proper distraught tears (usually she is an ice queen). It's destroying her she is having to move out. I do feel bad for her as I imagine it must feel horrible to have to leave your home... your entire life of the last 20 years really.

I know she cheated on me, but I still care about her and it's not nice to see her so upset. I've helped her get her finances in order and sort out insurances and I've worked with my solicitor to help her get child tax credits done. Despite what she has done to me I can't see her struggle... it wouldn't make me feel any better to just watch her.

In my own life I've got another job interview lined up and also another date with different woman. Again, not planning anything, just going with the flow.

I'm actually feeling quite happy with things and calm. Never thought I'd get to this stage when I started the thread!

Take care all

You take care as well you’ve been an absolute delightxx

Well done

I hope this week goes as smoothly as it can and your EX doesn't create to much stress and chaos while she moved out this week.

Thanks for the messages of support

Yes, tomorrow is moving day for my ex wife. She will be staying here on weds and Thurs night and then her first night away on Friday when her bed is delivered.

I've bought some new furniture and will be out on weds getting some other stuff to replace bits she is taking.

We told kids last night. Oldest said they knew but was a bit teary, and youngest only cared about why i didn't like the sofas my wife is taking! Seemed to go ok. Oldest is currently getting ready for school normally.

I have to tell my family today. Really can't be bothered with sympathetic responses as I'm past all that! I'm not unappreciative of their caring, but I'm a long way from that now and have moved on. I guess I will have to give them time to catch up!

In my personal life, I went on a date with a lovely woman last night and we are likely to see each other again which I'm looking forward to. No idea if it will develop into anything but we got on well and i made her laugh.

I think my message to anyone going through separation and divorce is to not give up on yourself. I never imagined I'd get to the stage where I'm happy with my life, but I really am. It's tough, but you can get through!

I'll update again, probably later this week when she's moved out properly... I'll imagine it will be sad, but almost a relief!

Take care x

Well it's done... my ex wife has moved out and taken pretty much everything of hers barring a few bits and bobs she will pick up later.

How do I feel? Ok actually, the house still seems full of clutter and stuff and I've managed to replace the small items she has taken e.g. microwave, toaster etc.

I told my family, they were upset, but I said I didn't need sympathy or anything, just acceptance that it's happened. Finally I can breathe and not have to hide anything from anyone! Our children have accepted the situation too, both still at school ok with no issues. I'm glad I shielded them from what their mum has done over the last few months. I think if id gone beserk it would have made things a lot worse!

I've got some more job interviews lined up, I've got some paint for the house this weekend and lots of other things to do to make it my home. I've also got a week away with the kids in a few weeks to look forward to. I've started buying new clothes too... I'm back in a 32 inch waist and medium size top for first time in years, a lot of my old stuff no longer fits me as it's too big! Im actually feeling quite good about myself! I'll never be big headed though!

I went on a second date with the woman I mentioned in the earlier post. It went well and we agreed to see each other again. I'm not sure if it will lead anywhere but I'm having a good time with her, online and in person. I'm not looking for a relationship at this stage, but it's nice to meet new people and just have some fun (I don't mean sleeping around or anything... definately not into that!! ).

My ex and I are on good terms at the moment and I think we'll end up been best friends again. We don't love each other that way, but we still get on and have a laugh with our children. I'm still unsure about toyboy, but I can't do anything about that! I just hope she finds happiness in life.

I think that will be it for updating this thread as it seems to have come to a natural end, unless anyone asks me anything.

Once again, thank you all who have contributed and helped me get through the worst period of my life. I know none of us on this thread/forum wanted to be in this situation, I'm just grateful for the advice and support!

You never know, I might pop back up in the relationship forum when something goes wrong with my online dating! Haha

Take care all xx

Well done for keeping g your integrity- i am sure that will be so healing for you and your dc.
Good luck with the next stage of life!

I'm really happy that it went well with the kids and that you are feeling free and positive about everything. Good luck to you for the future x

What an 8 weeks eh! Good luck with your future I hope it continues to be good x

Areallusernamestaken, your approach to the shit storm you have endured, and your determination to do right for your children, is nothing short of commendable. I hope you find happiness, and have no doubt that you will, even if not with the guy from Pret!

I just wish my STBXW would move at the same speed. Been 20 months of hell.

Take care and all the best

N

Good luck for the future

q

Hi - great to see the amount of responses and support you have got on this thread. I'm going through something similar not as extreme, give me a shout if you ever need to talk through. Sometimes it can be difficult being a bloke as women can have better support networks - I love helping women generally (i do in my job, tend to be much more open and willing to grow) however as much I think I understand the opposite sex I'm still left bewildered sometimes!

Thank you all for the kind comments, very much appreciated!

The first weekend after my ex moved out has been and gone. I couldn't have hoped for a better start to things really. Our kids are happy with things and have spent time with both of us. I've seen her new house and helped move some stuff over there and we've been friendly with each other. I'm hoping it's a sign of things to come. I'd be happier if toyboy got kicked to the kerb, but apart from that I'm happy with they way things have gone!

In my personal life I went on a 3rd date with the woman I mentioned. We've both agreed to be friends rather than anything else... we kissed a few times which was nice, but neither of us felt romantically attracted in that way. I've met a really nice new friend though as we've agreed to stay in touch, so no negativity there. I've also got a 2nd interview for a job where I may have to work in Mexico for a few weeks which is exciting! I've told my ex and she is ok with it as I didn't want to go for it without her blessing due to the childcare issues.

Going back 8 or 9 weeks I would have bitten your arm off if anyone would have offered me this outcome!

Take care all xx

Late to reply @Areallusernamestaken but glad it went well, hope its still going that way!! X

Late to reply @Areallusernamestaken but glad it went well, hope its still going that way!! X

Late to reply @Areallusernamestaken but glad it went well, hope its still going that way!! X

Hope you are still doing well and are happy.

@Unusual123

Have a read of this, you may find it helpful when times with your STBX gets bad.

You have behaved so well throughout this whole thing, I've been reading but feel I have to comment. I'm so glad your wife has finally done the right thing and removed herself from the family home, she decided not to honor her commitment to being a part of her family through her affair and indifference to your children, so I feel that morally she had no right to expect to stay. I'm also happy that you won't go on wasting your life and potential to be happy that awful woman, she's just gross. I'm not bringing this up because I think it excuses any of her behavior but do you think any of this could have come about because of the birth of your daughter? If she thought she wouldn't have another child I can imagine that it was a huge shock for you both. More so for her with all the physical/hormonal changes. It comes off as though she hasn't bonded well to either of the children