Support thread for those divorcing against stbex wishes (2)

[mammynowanauntyIRL]

Support thread for those divorcing against their stbex original thread

missbee welcome to the thread, you sound like you've your head well screwed on. Will chat to you properly later x

@Happierwithouthim it's so difficult with children isn't it? I feel lucky (if that's the right word) that DS is only 5. So far, he doesn't know anything is up, but I think he'll be upset when H moves out.
I think you are right to be honest with your DD. She can figure stuff out for herself then. It's tough though, when you can't protect her.

Yes, mediation as far as I am concerned, is to sort divorce terms. I hope it won't set things back!
I'm just trying to find a positive in whatever I can't change and changing whatever I can (if that makes sense?!)

@missbee Hi! Come and vent whenever you feel like it 🤗

Mine are 8 & 5 tiddley but haven't ever asked me for h to come home so I guess they know their parents are happier apart or knew I meant it when I said that he wouldn't be coming back.

I only asked about mediation as initially h thought it was a form of marriage counselling.

Awkward one this evening a relative of his has died, he only rearranged the dc slightly and isn't expecting me there so I'm glad of that.

Miss bee only comment my h made about us separating was how was he going to survive financially without me, not what about the length of our relationship or missing me

That's good @happier, they know more than we give them credit for sometimes don't they? I know I was so much happier because my parents were separated. It'd have been misery growing up if they'd stayed together out of a sense of duty.

It's possible my H thinks it's a step towards resolution, his solicitor said he wanted to try marriage counselling (he could do with some counselling on his own, but absolutely not together). I'm struggling this week. Too much on my plate and this to deal with on top, in both a practical and emotional sense. I'm exhausted. One day (hour) at a time.

Thanks for all the love ladies, hope you’re all having a great evening.

How far is everyone along with their divorce?

I’ve been told not to expect my nisi for another 8-10 weeks due to a backlog at the court

Oh no @missbee90, and with Christmas in the middle of it all too It's frustrating that it all takes sooo long.

I haven't actually submitted the application yet, so the end could be a while off for me
My H is an alcoholic, so amazingly good at burying his head in the sand and hoping someone else will sort everything out for him. I was hoping he'd move out before I had to start proceedings, but he's an entitled lazy wanker so after almost of a year of trying to get him to discuss moving forward, he's decided he wants a lump sum up front (He's not getting any money 'up front', what a tosser!) so I'm stuck with him until the divorce is sorted by the looks of it. Application can go in today, at last.

Hi everyone, sorry I posted then disappeared. Tough week been exhausted and fell asleep checking messages one night.

Welcome to @missbee90 My nisi is due through monday. Nine months into divorce so far.Hope it gets better for you soon.

@Happierwithouthim 🤗🤗

@Tiddleypops I know h says cant afford to move out either. Or says when we are not living together he wont have any spare money so dont expect him to pay for things for kids. Then another day will say if kids ever need something when we are not living together ask him to help! I mean he cant have that both ways?! 🙄

Sounds like you need a 🤗🤗. Hope the mediation stage will not drag out too long.

I am kind of stuck here but we will leave for the night to give him time to calm down if he gets really aggressive again.

Hey everyone, so today I deleted every single message from him.. I’d deleted texts and photos but for some reason I kept WhatsApp .. I deleted our conversation today and his number (of course I know it off by heart) BUT I just didn’t want him on my contacts and his stupid little photo.. so every message we’ve ever sent is now gone.. I realised all it does is cause be pain and I need to look forwards not backwards.

The solicitor also contacted me today as she needs him to sign another form.. I sent her his address and told her to contact him moving forward for his stuff.. I don’t want to see him anymore to get anything signed or bend over backwards to get things done for him anymore.

He’s got a new girlfriend and has managed to somehow forget that we got married 18 months ago and were together for 11 years and it that’s how he deals with things then fine but for me I’m focusing on sorting myself out and getting over this before comitting to anyone else!

So I think today marks 2 positive progress steps! Xx

Don’t forget the below all xxx

@missbee90 🤗ty

Hope you are ok x

That's great missbee
How's everyone doing?

I'd a massive row by text with ex on Monday, if I hadn't a delayed hangover i probably wouldn't have risen to the bait he text saying we need to talk about dc Santa presents. I replied with what's to talk about a week before Christmas ive it all done & wrapped. Apparently I was supposed to wait until he got his Christmas bonus gift card & shop then. Only problem is he never mentioned that.
I don't think I could leave it until last minute like that
He still wants to give money towards it, I paid from joint account which I contribute 40% more to than him, this wasn't decided by court/solicitor he just stopped contributing his full share.
I cut back on groceries to fund Christmas presents for dc.
I've discovered that his gift card could be used to purchase DD's communion dress so might suggest that.

I've just found my STXH on an online dating site..........funny how they can move on so quickly, especially considering he's burying his head in the sand about divorce & not returning acknowledgement of service etc.........apparently he's divorced (separated) has no children (has a daughter) only drinks socially (is an alcoholic) average build (obese) doesn't use drugs (cannabis pipe found in the garage after he'd gone).......laughable really

@lovealab

🤗🤗🤗to everyone.

Try and get through the next couple of days and then breathe.

It is harder than normal here and I thought it could not get much worse but it has.

Sending hugs and best wishes to all my friends on this thread.
🎄🎄☃️🎄🎄☃️🎄🎄

Sorry to hear that @RoseMartha wishing you the strength to get through it

@lovealab, my H has a similar BS dating profile! What goes on in those heads of theirs?!

@RoseMartha, how are you doing? Have you managed to get through Christmas ok.

@Happier, what a d!ck

I survived Christmas. It was bitter sweet really. On the one hand I was seething. H has stopped contributing anything towards bills, yet was happy enough to pig out on all the food I'd bought and cooked. He sat around drinking, and getting loud and obnoxious. On the flip side, I was able to disengage from the tension and stress, knowing that this is my last Christmas of having to put up with all his shit.

Bring on 2019.

That's shit tiddley but good that you know it won't happen again next year.

Reading through these messages, I'm grateful that we don't have children together (too old!) and although I'm glad he's no longer sharing my home, I've spent Christmas with too much time on my hands allowing me to think of "how it should of been" - waking up alone on Christmas morning etc - I'm self pitying & it needs to stop I should've worked over Christmas
So today, I'm painting inside my wardrobe & walking the dogs to keep busy......

Good luck for 2019 ladies, may we all get the life we wish for

Tiddley they sure did come from the same mould

@lovealab you're allowed to grieve for what might have been too.
Sounds like you're pulling yourself out of it too.
What dogs have you? Lab?
We lost both ours this year. Both myself & dc would love another,
I'm debating a rescue dog this spring. Dd fell in love with a springer spaniel at a rescue centre last week, I'd love a beagle though.

Happier yep, thats exactly what it is, grieving, & although it was my choice to end the marriage, I need to stop & move on a bit more, it's been 5 months since I booted him out!

I've got 4 Labradors who are my saviours Springers are mad we've had a few Beagles go AWOL here for up to 3 weeks at a time, Owners have really struggled to catch them.....

I can only imagine how empty your home must feel having lost both of yours this year...........one of mine is fast approaching 13 & I'm dreading the day I lose her, but just grateful for each extra morning she's here, bouncing like Tigger at the bottom of the stairs when i come down

I guess it can feel a bit like you are not entitled to grieve about something when you made the decision to end things. But it's more complicated than that. You've suffered a loss and had to actively acknowledge it and take action. No mean feat!

I think you should cut yourself some slack and allow yourself a bit of a wallow every now and then. As long as you know that's all it is, it's temporary, the next day you can pick up again and be glad it's over. It's probably a healthy part of the healing process

Thanks Tiddley I need to get back to work & have something else to focus on! but for today, the inside of the wardrobe has now had 2 coats of paint, the dogs had a lovely walk & 2 loads of washing done, so a productive day

It helps to come on here & know that there is someone who knows just what you're going through....

Roll on January 2019....your STBX will get his divorce petition & I will hopefully have my Decree Nisi approved

Glad you've had a productive day, sometimes it makes all the difference

Are you doing anything for New Year?

My H had a hissy fit last week because I mentioned possibly taking DS away for a couple of days. It was all "you're already taking my son and home away from me, you should let me spend the holidays with him" - clearly because I am the heartless wife and he the victim ....
Since his hissy fit, HE has been away for the weekend on his own and he's done literally nothing with DS despite several promises; they'll go to the park, they'll build something together etc, none of it has happened. He's also decided he doesn't mind if I take DS away after all. So clearly he's had an offer of a night out for new year and would prefer we're out the way 😂 So, I am going to spend new year away with good people and my boy

Hi Tiddley I replied to your other post

It sounds like you're damned if you do & you're damned if you don't can't do right for doing wrong lol!

Does your H work/is employed throughout his alcoholism?

Enjoy the downtime whilst he's away!

I'll be sat here with the dogs for company on NYE, I might go to lunch with my Brother perhaps....normally I enjoy my own company, work keeps me busy & is a social job so I quite like to be on my own under normal circumstances..............