Support thread for those divorcing against stbex wishes (2)

[mammynowanauntyIRL]

Support thread for those divorcing against their stbex original thread

I wrote a long reply then accidentally and clicked back instead if post and lost the lot. I cant write it all again! ☹️🙄😡 cross with myself. Here is a condensed version.

@Tiddleypops and @lovealab 🤗 tiddley enjoy your break. @lovealab grieving is normal. I grieved too and i ended it too. Still grieve now and again.

To cut long version short. H has been using his narcissist persona to the best of his ability and this is affecting everything at home. H is having temper tantrums daily the slightest thing sets him off. He is even stonewalling the kids at times. I dont know how long we can all live like this. I have searched for rented flats but it will be more unsettling for kids to move twice in a year. And waiting for solicitor to contact his in new year.

Definitely can't do right for doing wrong, but I guess my H is so determined to be The Victim that he'll literally twist everything. He's always been like that and it isn't limited to his attitude towards me. The whole world is seemingly in cahoots against him.

Oh @RoseMartha, you poor thing. It sounds so horrendous How long do you think you'll be stuck there? Moving twice may be better than this, if it's likely to still be many months. Thinking of you

@Tiddleypops I know that too although he usually just uses that tactic with me, occasionally with extended family.

I am sitting tight atm waiting for my solicitor to respond to his after a financial proposal. Because of Christmas there has been a delay. And I doubt the reply will be until Friday at the earliest.

I have emergency get out bags packed in case we just need to go.

Thinking of you all tonight as we face into the new year

I have emergency get out bags packed in case we just need to go

How awful for you that you have to be so prepared

Wishing us all a far happier and settled 2019.......stay strong Ladies

Under my old username I set up the original thread, but I stepped away once my divorce was finalised.

I've just popped back to wish you all a very Happy New Year and keep your spirits up for the future.

The difference this last Christmas and New Year was really brought back to me reading about one of your posts saying that you have an emergency escape bag packed.
Last year that was us, and we left under police advice. I was assaulted by him once in December and again in June, still have the police marker on my phone and address. Before that, he was mainly threatening and emotionally and financially abusive.
My ex didn't move out until the last minute before court for the finances, at the point his solicitor told him he wasn't going to get much from me with £10k sitting in his sole savings, so he spent it on rent and furniture.
Since June the house is mine, he doesn't even come onto the driveway to collect my children.
I'm happier, thinner, fitter and looking forward to the future.
Hang in there people!

Oh, and at court he told cafcass that I'd walked into a door rather than the truth that he'd tried to manhandle me out of the room. They just did this

So 2019 hasn't got off to a great start I had got over my wallowing & started the day with a lovely walk with the dogs out early....came back to a message from a friend to say that STBXH had been round to my home (seen leaving the Close) followed friends husband around the village with a message for me "tell that F***G Neurotic Psychopathic Bitch I'll see her in Court"

Kind of feel that I had a lucky escape in that I was out when he called round this morning, concerned for my elderly friends that he chose to stalk them and involve them unnecessarily .........pain in the arse pillock!

@Originallymeonly thank you, your post has given me hope.

@lovealab sorry to hear that 🤗

Things not started well here either 😕

RoseMartha sorry to hear that, each day is a day closer to happiness I'm sure

MY UPDATE: phoned the divorce call centre, STBXH had emailed in on Dec 12th to say he’d been to citizens advice who’d advised he sought legal advice on how best to respond/answer to the petition, the courts replied to him on 28th dec with no action taken........in the meantime, my application for decree nisi went to the judge on December 18th, was approved on 21st December ( our wedding anniversary 😂) so now just waiting for the letter to come through with a date for it to be pronounced in open court.......sounds like his threat to see me in court is because he now plans to defend the petition ~🙄 what a twat! I'm hoping it get pronounced before he's had any chance to submit his official objection!

Oh @lovealab, what a bloody nightmare! He's not doing himself any favours is he? However not doing you much of a favour by making things difficult either ARRRGGGHHHH!

@RoseMartha, sorry to hear that have things got even worse? It's awful that you have to have a get-out bag ready to be prepared for something really bad to happen, but I'm glad to hear you are on your guard and ready in case you need to be. You are getting through this, you are amazing. I hope you hear from the solicitor ASAP

@Originallymeonly that's a fabulous update just so horrible you'd to go through so much to get to where you are now.

@Lovealab Sounds like you're lucky you weren't at home when he came around in that temper.

What does it mean that he wants to defend the petition? Force you to stay married to him or dispute the reasons listed?
H seems a bit deflated since he moved out, which makes me wonder if he's accepted the situation for what it is, his second failed marriage, or if he's plotting his next move.

@Tiddleypops how are things going for you?

@RoseMartha hope things get back on an even keel very soon for you

Dc are off school for exactly two weeks so far H has spent very little time with them. 2 hours Christmas Eve, 1.5 hours Christmas morning at ours, Christmas Day from 3pm until 11.30 Dec 26th, phoned them on NYE, saw them for 5 mins on NYD, yesterday he had ds from mid afternoon and dd from 6-8(she was at a friends) today he's planned to have them at 6.30 not sure how long for, and he'll have them overnight at the weekend but not sure yet if it's fri night or Sat night and won't know until tomorrow. I'm disappointed for them.

@Happierwithouthim it's all so unfair on your DC And it must be difficult for you to have to explain, not to mention that it must make planning anything a total nightmare! BUT, you can't make him change, and you can remain a strong reliable role model for them. They won't go without anything they need, and they'll be glad they don't have to live with him

I'm waiting for H to receive the divorce petition which is pretty terrifying really. No idea how he'll react. And next week I have to go for an assessment to see whether "mediation is suitable for our situation". I'm angry about that, because I've been incredibly reasonable and tried to discuss finances and child access arrangements with him directly, but he has point blank refused to even speak to me about it. However, despite being initiated by his solicitor, I think it will probably work out better for me. He can't emotionally manipulate a mediator like he can me and he has to engage with it then.

Everything takes so much energy though doesn't it? I'm feeling very impatient. @Originallymeonly it sounds like you had a really awful time, but it's great to hear you are coming through the other side and you're on the up. Great news. And thank you for sharing, it gives us all hope we'll get there eventually!

Tiddley it's a disaster I wanted to take them to local panto fri night & go to my friends house for women's Christmas sat night, instead I went to panto alone & had to say no to sat nights invite.

I'd to text at 3pm fri to know what was happening and at end of it all he says does that suit you? I was so cross I didn't answer as I knew I would regret it.

Mediation didn't work for us but I wanted it for the reasons you state he couldn't bully me into anything there & the discussion would be lead by mediator not him. I don't envy you waiting for his reaction to divorce petition even though it's not a surprise to him, it'll probably still invoke a reaction.

I feel like I can't move on with my life while I'm stuck in the house next door to him. So know exactly what you mean but @Originallymeonly has given me hope too

@Happierwithouthim 🤗sorry to hear that

@Tiddleypops 🤗you are stronger than you know

Things are very bad here. I am hoping my solicitor is back to work tomorrow as need urgent help.

RoseMartha is there somewhere else you can stay tonight whilst you wait for your Solicitor to step in and help you tomorrow?

Rose thinking of you

@RoseMartha, that sounds very worrying. I hope you get to speak to your solicitor tomorrow. Agree with lovealab, can you go to your sisters for a few days?

Thank you ladies. We havent really got much options. My sister has no room for us, having lots of kids and pets. My mother is in ill health, (age related) and while she has enough room is not well enough to cope with the disruption it will bring.

@RoseMartha is your solicitor back to work?
How are things today?

H made a solicitors appointment to get moving on the house sale for 29th Jan! He must have heard me moaning about this last night to dm!

@Happierwithouthim yet to hear from her. I have been in a parent support group for special needs lids all morning so no opportunity to do anything.

I was thinking of where we can flee to other than a travel lodge and i have got a friend with a large enough house that could put us up a couple of nights.

Its a shame h will not go and stay with family members now and then because he has some a few miles away that could accommodate him I am sure.

Hope that goes well, how is the market where you are? I think h is unrealistic on selling prices here and we will not get nearly as much as he has predicted.

I guess time will tell

🤗

How is everyone?

rose
I don't know about the market, the ones I'm interested in are selling quickly but then the ones similar to ours don't seem to be.

How's things for you at the moment?

How are you doing @RoseMartha? I really hope your solicitor came to your aid. Are you still in the family home or have you managed to get out? Hope things are manageable x

I'm feeling impatient. H is really taking the p* financially now and it's causing me to struggle because of all the additional costs of mediation and legal bills etc. He hasn't paid a penny towards the household bills or DS for at least 2 months. I hate him being in the house all the time. I am furious.

He still hasn't received the divorce petition.