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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Help me leave my abusive husband

543 replies

sad9999 · 27/05/2018 17:38

Fed up if being called a fat cow fed up him controlling the money and fed up of his refusals to help and up of him encouraging the kids to swear at me and call me a fucking ciunt. He undermines me constantly the kids side they won't leave withme. How can I leave them.

OP posts:
tonnylove · 09/07/2018 20:36

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Original poster
sad9999 · 09/07/2018 22:56

Thank you for all your support means alot. Meanwhile the idiot continues to test my patience by throwing his toys out of the pram. But I have a cunning plan now. He can not break me anymore than he had

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 09/07/2018 23:10

There's a quote I vaguely remember that goes: there is nothing stronger than a woman who has been broken and put herself back together.

That's you, Sad9999.

And I'm not surprised you can't stop crying. You must have so many tears inside that you crushed down when you lived with him. You're missing and fearing for your DC, you may be grieving the death of the hopes you held when you married. Maybe think of it as a flushing out? A sort of catharsis?

AcrossthePond55 · 10/07/2018 00:51

But I have a cunning plan now. He can not break me anymore than he had

Atta girl!!

Original poster
sad9999 · 10/07/2018 09:49

I will fight him. I will not accept his offer. One day I hope my children will realise the truth. If not then I will try and be happy knowing this isn't all my fault.

OP posts:
eggncress · 10/07/2018 10:09

Good for you sad9999. You’ll be doing the right thing by you and the kids.

fleshmarketclose · 10/07/2018 10:13

I left my abusive husband last year, I'm 50 as well. I heard pretty much what you are hearing "you aren't having the dc", "you move out", "you won't ever manage without me", "the dc will never forgive you"
A year later I live in the family home with the dc and we are all happy and settled and the dc are happier than they were because there is no atmosphere. Ds goes to his Dad's twice a week, his Dad moans if he wants to go more than that. Dd has been to her Dad's three times, she won't go because it's dirty because obviously he lost his live in servant and hasn't bothered to clean. We have a civil relationship fundamentally because he knows if he crosses the line the shutters go down and I completely ignore him until he apologises and makes an assurance that he can be civil before I will communicate again (haven't had to do it in months so he has learnt to comply)
Hold your nerve,get what you are entitled to, your dc will know the truth and they will come to you because if he hasn't ever been the carer and run a home he will get sick of it pretty quickly IME.

Original poster
sad9999 · 10/07/2018 11:08

That gives me hope how old are your dc. Glad it worked out for you

OP posts:
fleshmarketclose · 10/07/2018 11:18

My dd is 15 and my son is 23 (he has autism and lives at home) I have older adult children as well and see them just as regularly as I ever did. They knew the score without me ever saying anything because they can't ignore the fact that one person does everything whilst the other sits on their backside. The older ones see their Dad as well although they prefer him to go to theirs rather than go to his, again because of the dirty bathroom and general grot.

Wallywobbles · 10/07/2018 19:05

Well done you. Stoke that fire in your belly.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/07/2018 19:48

sad, I think you've turned that corner!! Not to say there won't still be difficult days ahead, but you're going to find it much easier to handle.

FWIW, I think your children will wake up at some point. But you are right, if not you are not to blame.

Original poster
sad9999 · 10/07/2018 21:06

Still hurts but I know that worrying and being miserable won't change anything

OP posts:
Original poster
sad9999 · 11/07/2018 21:23

He is currently refusing to complete form E. Apparently he is not doing it. I can withdraw my application or else.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/07/2018 22:10

Well he's a fool...

The courts will enforce it/punish him...

blueangel1 · 11/07/2018 22:13

Seconding @RandomMess - the judge will enforce it, and then if he still refuses he could be in contempt of court. His choice.

eggncress · 11/07/2018 23:03

Haha... more fool him !
Don’t worry he won’t get away with it.

Original poster
sad9999 · 12/07/2018 00:18

Latest is how dare I choose my own aolicitor

OP posts:
Itscurtainsforyou · 12/07/2018 00:51

He's grasping at straws now op. Keep going.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/07/2018 01:57

KOKO. The judge will take care of him! And trust me, he’ll fill out the form E when the judge orders him to, all right!

Original poster
sad9999 · 12/07/2018 23:28

Apparently he will delay and delay.

OP posts:
Souledout · 12/07/2018 23:46

Keep going Flowers

eggncress · 12/07/2018 23:53

Keep it up Sad, you’re doing so well. He can delay all he likes but you will get there !
At least you’re away from him.
And you never know, the kids may get sick of him and his moods sooner rather than later.
He’s shown signs he’s beginning to crack, while you are gaining strength !

AcrossthePond55 · 13/07/2018 00:10

He can try to delay and delay. But again, a judge will get tired of stalling tactics and put a stop to it.

He will look like a dishonest, stonewalling arse (which he is). You will look like a cooperative, honest person (which you are). Who do you think the judge will look more favourably on?

Original poster
sad9999 · 13/07/2018 17:20

He is really pushing to settle out of court he has worked out what I deserve !!!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 13/07/2018 17:24

Of course he is! I'd bet my bottom dollar (or pound) that his solicitors have already told him that you'll be entitled to much more than he's offering if it ends up in court. He wouldn't be making an offer and trying to bully you into accepting if he thought he'd do better in court!

Wish I could give him what HE deserves, I do!!!!!