Support thread for those divorcing against their stbex wishes

[Onlymeeeeee]

Just as the title really, specifically looking for other people who initiated the process, not because there is anyone else, but because they cannot stay with the stbex.

Good Luck @gordonbennit with telling the kids. It is very daunting but you'll probably feel better after the dust settles.

How's everyone else dealing with Mothers day??? I'm dreading it! Still in same house as STBXH and he's basically being a Tw*t.

Hi all

My stbx has decided to work overtime Mother's Day - be a miracle if I even get a card from the kids - well he's never bothered before even less chance now.

Hi i am through thanks for reply. Hope your managing to keep it in - I'd love to have a right go at my stbx tell him all the crap & resentment he's caused but I prefer to just keep my head down and concentrate on getting him out first - then will discuss money & childcare as at the moment he's saying until he's living his new life in the flat he won't know how much money or time he's got! Charming xx

Happy Mother's Day to us all

Happy mothers day to everyone 💐♥
STBX is in the house today and hasn't mentioned it but I've received lots of supportive texts from friends. When DD goes to bed I'll have a pint of wine and watch a girl power movie. Or cry! Either way.
STBX used to say, why would I do anything for mothers day, you're not my mother. Sigh.

Can I join this thread??
My stbxh has had me on a jo-jo string for a couple of years now. He wanted us to separate last Tuesday night & then changed his mind on Thursday night.. then proceeded to give me a list of conditions that would make him happier so that he can try to love me again!! What a wanker!!
Thankfully I saw a solicitor so I know my rights & I know I will be financially secure in the divorce.

So, welcome everyone, hope you're recovering from the commercial experience that is mother's day!

I've just had my form E back from the solicitors with several additional questions, it's doing my head in, I've got to the end of the month to put £5k on account ready for court, and so many better things to spend the money on.

StbExH is still in the house, still a selfish arse, came in from work today and moved all my saucepans off the hob where i was half way through mine and children's dinner to make his own. Still, better than the time he turned the heat up and burned our tea i suppose.

Oh no.. why do they get so spiteful ?!?!?

Gotta be punished for having the temerity to call time on his freeloading!

I have been in tears throughout the day. I can't adapt to this. I don't want a divorce yet know I need to drive it through. He wasn't faithful and now I lose out

Oh supagirl you deserve better.

lovecamping I have a yoyo-er too. He kept wanting to separate until I agreed. Suddenly it's a really bad idea and he can't believe I'm doing this which is so clearly not in dds interest (iho)

Glad i’m not the only one Borris.
He now wants counselloring for himself & us... a year after I suggested it to which he said no!!
I’m just fuming, bloody fuming. But keeping it all cool & calm until eldest finishes exams in the summer.

Gosh yes, I got told i was giving up too easily on our marriage because he changed his mind about counselling 18 months too late! I said I would go for separation counselling to allow us to talk about the children but then i got told counselling is not recommended for domestic abuse situations, and that he's financially and emotionally abusive.

Mostly placemarking.
I was effectively told to leave so I left. I was demanded to do things while having the means to do them withdrawn, the equivalent to 'go shopping but with no money'. I came up with a plan for splitting to give minimal disruption and feel it is being eroded as OH is 'clawing' stuff back when they had the lions share in the first place.

Hello may I join you? I feel like I've found my people 😪 I'm now living separately at the cost of massive debt. But much better than the years previously of being separated against his will under the same roof with him ranting at me nightly about how selfish and evil I am to choose not to be abused and seeing the dcs emotionally abused any more. Now he swings between fake reasonable that makes me question myself and the usual ranting. Why do they think they can treat their dp in the most appalling way then guilt us about finishing?

I think it's as they rewrite history to suit them. So genuinely don't think it's their fault.

Mines in a bad mood as I didn't make dd have a bath last night. He seems to honestly think that she never misses a bath. Which is just not true

Funny the things they get in a drama about!

Hi I have found somewhere where people are going through same as me. I said I couldn't go on like this anymore because if his abusive behaviour. He said he hasn't done anything wrong. I sought legal advice but not instructed yet but I know I need to because I don't think I will get the confidence to try and get out of the abuse again and it's not just about me we have a child. I seem to be an emotional wreck this week.

The 'abuse' I was accused of was largely not earning ENOUGH money.
The fact that I did a fair amount of the 'running around' ( what seems to be referred to as wife work) didn't count apparently.

sorry rosemartha you’re having a bad week. Stay strong.

It’s their pure arrogance that I can’t believe. Bastards that think they r right about everything!

You are wrong to suggest it is always men who are abusive, it works both ways. Probably not not a popular observation on MN but it doesn't stop it being true. In a 'fisticuffs' fight men might 'win' for that moment in time but in all other ways women are just as capable of being nasty.

Absolutely. I feel for anyone being emotionally abused whatever gender. My stbx MiL was horrible to her dh and it made me feel sick sometimes.

Ty love camping.
I have really struggled today even though he went to work. He had one of his chats with me this morning when I didn't give much on what the solicitor told me. Told me he wasn't moving he can't afford to leave and he won't. He told me we will have to stay together but could do separate rooms. I told him no it has to end because of his behaviour which he again denied. Then shut myself in bathroom to cry.

rosemartha I think they say these things with bravado to try to intimidate and make you back down. Mine did the Same over childcare- he was definitely having more than half, but a few days later and he's agreed 50-50

I'd probably take separate bedrooms for now as at least you'll have some private space. But have another talk to your solicitor.

Hello all

Although still lurking reading everyone's stories. There been no movement from me, my mum was rushed into intensive care so my life is kinda on hold for now-luckily for now the STBX is been ok watching the kids while I go hosp but he's paid for his flat now and things can't be on hold forever.

Just when you think your making some progress life presents another mind f##k.

Be strong everyone (yes outabout it's just 'people' who can be nasty & controlling whatever their sex) give your kids an extra squeeze cos you never really know what's round the corner.

Life is very short as this last week has proved to me - be a shame to waste it being unhappy

@Gordonbennit so sorry to hear about your mum. I so hope she gets on the road to recovery. Yes life throws mind fucks when you're down and out anyway doesn't it!

@RoseMartha I think you may be married to my stbx 😉 if it helps that exactly the FOG mine inflicts on me. Stay strong.