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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Does it get better?

999 replies

Mambot · 18/08/2017 11:19

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

OP posts:
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Borris · 31/01/2018 15:51

I'm keeping a diary of bad behaviour. It really helps to read through and remind yourself why you don't want them back. Otherwise your mind plays tricks on you and remembers the good times in more detail and minimises the bad times

Amaz24 · 31/01/2018 17:15

@Gossipqueen14 keep strong.

@Borris the diary is a good idea.

I'm almost a 2 months in the ex having an affair and leaving. We have a 6yo. It's soooo hard but I realised today is not crying everyday! That's a start!!! 😁
I also realise I am better off without him and deserve to be treated better.

Sunflowers4 · 31/01/2018 19:31

Ok so I've had some kind of melt down! I'm 6 months in! Why is this happening?? I was doing so well and the smallest thing has kicked it off, I've shouted, I've told him exactly how I feel about everything he's done, I've cried at him I've said things I probably shouldn't have said! It's like I'm just sick and tired of him walking around like he's done nothin wrong whilst he's left me to pick up the pieces and he doesn't even care! I'm not sure where this has all come from Confused is this normal? I hate myself for doing it and letting him get to me that much

Amaz24 · 31/01/2018 20:26

@Sunflowers4 bless you. It is hard especially when they are getting on like nothing's happened, no guilt, no consequences that they seem bothered about. We will have good and bad days but as you no they aren't as often. I think that sometimes we want them to know the impact it's had to try and make them feel guilty about it all. Even tho on the other hand we don't want them to know the effect it's had on us.

Sunflowers4 · 31/01/2018 21:46

@Amaz24 yeah you are right about trying to make them feel guilty! But he doesn't actually care so why do I waste my breath! Also I hate that I have broken down In front of him feel shit now! But nothing I can do just hoping this will pass and I'll feel more positive again! This is so hard! One of the hardest things I've been through it's mentally exhausting x x

newtonml64 · 31/01/2018 22:03

@sunflowers stay strong. Next week will be the 6 month anniversary for me. Like you Ive taken a step back. I’ve been crying a lot, thinking of the good times we had and wondering what the bh has got that I haven’t. I want him to realise what he has lost and left behind but the reality is he won’t. They are too arrogant and self centred to think of anyone but themselves and their bh. It’s like they’ve flicked a switch to turn off their old life and switched it back on to start their new one. Unfortunately we don’t reach for that switch as we are good, honest people who only have our childrens best interests at heart. We are going through this nightmare the hard way and whatever we say or do towards our stbxh’s is only because they have driven us to it! This is one of those inevitable dips in that emotional rollercoaster we are on. As hard as it is We will get out of the dip and I hope it will make us stronger to get through the next dip. We don’t deserve any of this but remember we can hold our head up high as we haven’t done anything wrong. SmileFlowers

Gossipqueen14 · 31/01/2018 22:20

I feel strangely numb I'm only day 3...but I don't want to see him or miss him. He'll be seeing dc tomo for the first time since it started. He's told me there's no one else but he doesn't want me that's fine I don't want him after lying for two years I am
So up
And down though

Layniboggs123 · 31/01/2018 22:42

@sunflowers I'm 6 months in and I've been feeling really down too! I've dreamt about stbxh everyday this week and woke up so sad. I haven't seen him since Xmas day (waits in car when picking up ds) . So its been easy to get over but saw him tonight and just brought back feelings. I don't think I love him anymore but he's just so familiar and safe and I miss that family unit, even though he was never here much ( I now know why) I still miss been someone's other half . I'm sure it's just a dip and we will be back on track again soon. I've done a diary which is helping xx

newtonml64 · 01/02/2018 06:28

Layniboggs123 I dreamt about my stbxh last night. It felt so real I woke up thinking he was laid beside me😥. I’m like you missing someone being there, the familiar feeling of having him around. But is that because I am lonely, I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since he left six months ago but he’s still on my mind. It seems from reading the posts that 6 months is a blocking point and hoping it won’t be long before I get through it. Xx

Sunflowers4 · 01/02/2018 06:48

@newtonml64 @Layniboggs123 sounds like we are in a similar place! Very strange how we are all at 6month mark? I wish I didn't have to see him almost every day! Would be easier not to but as I have a young DS I have no choice! I just wish I hadn't let him see me upset! I wish I hadn't have said a lot of the things I said! I was doing so well and I always said I will not give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset! Need to try and get to my positive place again and stop dwelling on it! I keep thinking back to the person he was I still cannot believe what he has done some days! Just don't understand it! Anyway big hugs to you all let's all try and have a positive day Smile

WeeWheels72 · 01/02/2018 13:25

Sunflowers I think its good that you got it out. You might of needed that for yourself, instead of keeping it in. And I dont really think its a bad idea for them to see and hear it, I honestly think they would rather we went of and they didnt have to think about it. They might think we are mad for saying it, but I think deep down it would still hit them somewhere. And why shouldnt we let rip at them......they have ruined lives.....

Sunflowers4 · 01/02/2018 16:21

@WeeWheels72 I think you are right! I do feel better for getting it off my chest! I just feel sad and have started missing the person I married and he was. I also no he is going through a hard time at the moment - think everything may be starting to come to a head for him now. Which I find really sad and I know I shouldn't but I've actually found myself feeling sorry for him! Just wish this all hadn't have happened. But as they say things happen for a reason x x

scotgal2017 · 01/02/2018 16:55

Sounds like we are all a bit down at the moment. it's weird as I'm just over the 6 month mark too!!

I felt angry yesterday as i have been chasing the Insurance broker for a week and a half to let me know how much and when the car insurance is coming out in Feb - he got back to me yesterday morning (Spanish are never in a hurry!). My dad said he would pay it and I was going to let him as I really want STBXH out of my life as much as possible but I decided it's not fair on my dad to have to pay something because STBXH decided to walk (and it's just over 600 Euros to pay!). So I decided to send a whatsapp to STBXH yesterday, having been in NC for over 3 weeks it was begrudged as I have not missed him one iota, he has been out of my communication range, it's been great.
I sent him the screenshot the broker sent me of how much it is and when. The reply I got was "It seems a bit high" (of course since you never dealt with anything and left it to moi, you wouldn't have a clue that it's about 5 euros cheaper than it was last year - dickhead!!) and "When's it to be paid?" (uh it tells you in the fecking screenshot!!). i then said it comes out of my account automatically....the response was, "so do you want me to transfer money?" NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!! I just replied yes lol. I was cursing him out loud around the kitchen (kids were out of earshot) instead of writing it to him - go me!!!

Feel down today as I feel weighed down knowing that he's now around again......not looking forward to him coming to collect kids tomorrow (although I'm hankering for some me time lol, I have been making plans with friends!)....as much as i love my kids and that's the best thing to come out of my marriage, it would be so much easier to have no kids and be able to heal without having to have any contact at all......

Amaz24 · 01/02/2018 18:54

Does anyone ever feel or felt like they were just existing and not living through parts of this? This is how I'm feeling at the min

Ilovecrumpets · 01/02/2018 20:12

scotgal I feel exactly the same about the kids - I love them more than anything but I hate that it ties me to my ex forever. If it was just me I’d have sold up and headed off into the sunset never to see him again.

Wintersnow17 · 01/02/2018 22:50

Newton, sunflowers and all. It must be a 6 months ish thing. I'm about the same. I had a major collapse this week, couldn't stop crying - like the first weeks. Pain in chest /gut again etc I thought I was going mad too. Is the realisation that this is it? Are we harbouring ideas that things might change and then they don't? I don't want him back but I want him to have his comeuppance in some way. That would ease some of the pain . I too have been emotional in front of him and wished I could control it but like you all, want him to feel guilty and to acknowledge what a complete b***d he is ( I don't think they ever do despite what they say) but also to show I don't heed him. It's exhausting isn't it? X

Wintersnow17 · 01/02/2018 22:51

Amaz24- like it's not really happening to you and it's all a surreal dream? Yes. X

Wellyboots86 · 01/02/2018 22:53

amaz yep, feel like I met just surviving day by day a lot of the time.

scotgal I know what you mean about wanting “me time”. Mine is 3 hours a week on a Saturday (of which half is cleaning the sodding house!) I’ll be taking a few days holiday from work soon though to just have a lie in, maybe go on a nice dog walk etc without the kids around so I can feel a bit more like my own person not just daddy or an employee!

Layniboggs123 · 02/02/2018 06:50

Every night this week I've had a vivid horrible dream with stbxh. Every time it's back at work were we met 16 years ago and he's so nasty (real life don't really hear from him ) . I wake up feeling so awful . I just don't get why this has just started now 6 months on. In reality I feel ok with things n I'm moving on happy for the future but in dream world I feel so hurt upset starts my day off rubbish. Anyone else just started with bad dreams ?? Xx

newtonml64 · 02/02/2018 08:10

@Layniboggs123 I’m having dreams of stbxh wanting to come back and us being back together!!!🙄 I was doing so well, getting on with my life and beginning to enjoy being me again now I seem to have taken a massive step back and don’t know why?? Seems some of us have hit this wall 😥xx

Gossipqueen14 · 02/02/2018 11:35

I'm
Day 5 I'm
So annoyed at myself we met up had sex why did I do it!!!! It wasn't even loving just cold Now I'm constantly texting him begging him to take me back why am I doing this!!!!

scotgal2017 · 02/02/2018 12:41

@gossipqueen14 stay strong, you had a moment of weakness which is exacerbated by you texting him!! You are letting him know that no matter what, you are hanging around waiting which is not a healthy thing to do in this process (IMO anyway). If this situation keeps happening and then he is with someone else, and it's still happening, your basically letting him have his cake and eat it!! Put him on a crash diet now!! Put yourself, your feelings, your hurt and your healing first. What he thinks, feels, does, wants to do is nothing to do with you now and not your problem. At risk of sounding like a parent, don't let it happen again!!!

For example, STBXH works away for long periods and is self employed, pays taxes quarterly. As we live in a country where he doesn't speak the lingo, it was down to me to interpret everything for him. A letter from the tax man arrived here about 3 or 4 weeks ago. It's addressed to him. It could be a simple statement.....or it could be a big problem that he needed to contact them urgently about......well, not my problem. The letter is sitting unopened to hand to him this afternoon....If I am no longer deemed fit to be his wife, then I am no longer deemed to be secretary, event organiser, nanny, sex slave etc etc for this man. If I hold no value as a partner to you, then I hold no value at all and therefore I will not do anything to help to make your life easier....this is the path he chose and so he must walk it without me. Hope this makes sense....the only way you will move on is to value yourself and your feelings first. Yes it hurts like hell and it is not easy but it is what must be done to get over it and move on.

@ilovecrumpets wouldn't it be great to be able to just drop everything and spend a 2 week holiday in Cuba without any worries??? Oh wait, no that's not allowed for the left behind spouse with lots of responsibilities!!! i think these people must have all had a bang to the head as the amount of selfishness is unbelievable!!

@wellyboots86 I guess in that sense them I am lucky, after him being AWOL for 8 weeks i have around 3 weeks to myself....although I wonder how much of that i will get to myself in reality??? I am planning some nice things to do for me but as usual the imposed monthly budget puts a kybosh on eating caviar and sunning myself in hawaii......I'll probably end up cleaning like you and mending the cushion my foster dog chose to chew the other day lol!!

@Wintersnow17 - i think I'm a bit strange as I have not cried since he left....okay the occasional sob but I then tell myself to stop and think about the positives of him leaving,. i think you are right though, i think before 6 months you just wonder if they are letting off a little bit of steam, exploring and by this time they should have realised that they were wrong and be crawling back begging for forgiveness....sadly, doesn't seem to be the case. Although like most, i don't want him back now, I've never had to wonder about it before but the thought of him being intimate with someone else and then wanting to come back to me is something i would never be able to get over I think so that's it blown completely for me to ever allow a reconciliation should it arise.

Ilovecrumpets · 02/02/2018 12:47

@scotgal2017 if only! It’s the sense of entitlement they have that is kind of breathtaking - which makes it so hard to get your head round.

scotgal2017 · 02/02/2018 14:58

@Ilovecrumpets I know, it's quite astonishing!! I had to shake my head when he tried to leave his precious (and expensive) motorbike in MY garage whilst he went to work then swanned off on holiday (actually, I didn't know about the holiday or OW at the start of December when he tried to leave it here, and he was still trying to cake eat at that point, cheeky fecker!!). We had a 2 hour text argument about it - I was saying he was trying to have his cake and eat it and since he had his own garage (which is not secure as its a shared basement for all of the apartments, but not my problem!!) and I was told that he pays for the 2 garages and so I should just get over it!! Amazing sense of entitlement!

P.S. He did come and move it as I told him he had a week to get it out of my garage or it would not be there when he got back lol.

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