Hi everyone, I have read through the last few pages and am really sorry to see so many of us in the same boat.
I'm six months in now and I can finally answer my own question at the start of the post. Does it get better? Yes for me, slowly, and by no means through a satisfying sense of having 'come out the other end' in any way. I still occasionally cry and get down that he hasn't had his karma but those are moments in an occasional week as opposed to the most part of every day. I still refuse to see him and have made any communication absolutely bare minimum. I've had lots of support from women's aid, several counsellors and free legal advice that has given me the reassurance I needed to fight back a bit and stand up for myself.
I love having the bed to myself, my evenings to myself, I love having cuddles with my son, long baths, not having to eat or cook huge carby meals, how my relationships with my friends are blossoming. Couldn't be more different to the beginning, where it all felt grim and lonely and punishing.
Sometimes I read the heartbreaking experiences of people on the relationship forums here and thank God I'm single.
I'm really learning to savor the little things in life. In the past I had a job which allowed me to work all over the world and I could choose where I went at the drop of a hat. I think I 'ran away' from difficult situations a lot and this is the first time I can't do that because of my son. So I've had to learn something that my idiot of an ex hasn't - to kind of deal with things, the loneliness and the feelings of being trapped in a place I'm not particularly fond of etc, and to fix it myself instead of relying on exciting new people like he does.
I worry a bit that people are losing the knack of working through problems and making themselves happy, so that I might never meet someone who can actually stick to a relationship through difficult times. A fair few views I've seen on relationships suggest it should all always be plain sailing, and I think that's absurd. To be fair I always relied on him to make me happy as well, so I didn't know how to do it myself until now. I reckon a lot of people do it though, and then when another person can't make them happy they start looking for the next exhilarating fling like many of our exes have.
I haven't been single much in my adult life, tbh this is the longest I've ever been single but I can see how much I'm learning.
Looking back at the last six months I could have helped myself massively if I'd have cut him off the moment he first walked out instead of trying to get him back, if I had looked after my own health (sleep, good food) and interests, and if I had given myself some really absorbing projects to take my mind off things.
And although I have started to date someone, taking it extremely slowly, I've kept it really quiet and just kept myself as invisible to the ex as possible. Ultimately my ex is no catch, not in any way, and so it's been good to stop giving him that power.
Lots of love to everyone, I hope every single one of us one day gets to look on them with pity so genuine at how tragic that we see that their karma is just them being them xxx I'm waiting for that day lol! X