Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

So sorry wellyboots86 you sound like such a concerned parent. I don't know why some men and women can be so selfish. I hope your son is ok. Please try not to let it bring you down. It's just one more day on the old emotional rollercoaster isn't it? I've read though some of your posts and you've been doing well. From your stomach try and find some strength to cop with if all. We have to find reserves of strength we never knew we had and you seem a lovely caring parent. Please keep going and know that we are all here for you x

Hello. I'd like to join if I may. We've just agreed to separate so right at the start ... but feel my h is going to turn nasty when he realises I intend to go through with it

@Borris sorry you are on here. Welcome xxx What's happened?

Wellyboots sorry to hear that. It's funny how they become so self obsessed. I think they're so wrapped up in themselves they forget to feel compassion, mine has said things that really hurt that actually I don't think he realised,as he's so thoughtless. I hope one day they look back and regret what they've said or done .
Hi Borris, hang on in there. You may need to try to be amicable until things are sorted. It's tough. Hope things go ok X x

My husband is emotionally sbusive to me. Has been for a long time. I left once before but foolishly was persuaded back. He is overly critical of everything but especially of my parenting as well where I've really lost sight of what is normal and what isn't. He tells me I'm doing a bad job all the time. But .... he was made redundant 18 mo ago and since then made zero effort to find a job. So is in a great place to claim to be main carer of dd age 7. However just this week I've agreed reduced hours at work allowing me to do school run on at least 3 days a week

Sometimes it can feel really tough. When my husband and i split I didn't feel a thing because we had gone through all the shit the three years before, and our son was 4 and just starting school, and I had always worked full time. However, when I split with my boyfriend 5 years later it was so painful, I lost so much weight and it took about a year before I felt ok, and 2 years before I saw him for what he was. So take heart, you are so young and have so much of your life before you. What seems really hard now will make you stronger. You will also become excellent at time management skills and your child will love you for being the one who stayed! I had ten years on my own and loved it. Met someone else and have had a wonderful time with them, so although it feels rubbish at the moment, 'onwards and upwards'.

I've just seen a WhatsApp pic of ex with new girl ( we've been separated 1 month after his affair) and now I'm sitting here in tears. Our 6yo just gone to bed crying coz he's missing daddy being around as much. He isn't seeing me crying .
It's one thing one heartache after another!

Amaz24 so sorry, that must be so hurtful. delete him from your whatsapp, you don't need to be seeing this.
My STBXH is still living upstairs in our loft conversion until we sell the house. I hate him, Its already been 7 months and I hope the divorce comes through soon as I started it last September.

He is manipulating our dd who already adores him and wont have a word said against him. Buying her take-away's picking her up from school when I am able to, never telling her off when she is rude and badly behaved.... Its just torture. I am sleeping on peoples sofas half the time because I cant bear being at home

Amaz24 it can seem like one punch in the stomach after another but at your lowest just think back to the last time you felt this way and you will remember that you came through. I'm not saying greet it like an old friend but you get used to the feeling but always come back just that bit stronger .please resist the urge to check up on them it will always knock you down I think social media especially fakebook are for fake people desperate to kid the world how perfect their existance is . You'll be ok in the morning.

Amaz24 I'm so sorry you had to see that. Please delete any social media accounts/ WhatsApp it will only torment you. I've deleted mine and not looked back. Please concentrate on yourself and your child. Your husband, hurtful though it is, isn't worth your tears. Remember too that if he cheated on you then he will cheat on her. Stay strong I know it's hard but you DO have the strength. Take care of yourself and come here anytime you need to x

Lostlly I've slept in so many different friends/family beds to avoid being with him or on my own. I just want o relax in my own house. Looking forward to feeling comfortable on my own X

lostlily that sounds hard My dd swings between being daddy's little girl and hating him depending on his moods. I'm lucky that I can manage to rent before we sell. My solicitor said that it would be best not to move out, but I honestly don't think I can tolerate being around him much longer.

amaz that sounds tough seeing that. youre allowed to feel sad and cry. Sometimes it helps to let it out

I've blocked him on WhatsApp

Been in tears on and off today, it's been a hard day. Has anyone spoken to their GP about how they are feeling? If so what did they say? Did it help?

I had a massive bust up with him monday evening and have stayed at friends the last tow nights. I am going to have to leave and stop at friends because something bad will happen with me staying here. Luckily he is away this weekend so will have some peace in my own home.
I don't even recognise him as a person anymore. so weird to think you can be with someone for almost 17 years and they are just not who you thought they were at all..... so manipulative
Amaz24 I know exactly how you feel. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it. Its been quite a few months for me now and I've started dating again, nothing serious but just to boost my confidence a bit/distract and give me some hope that there may be a future

@Lostlily hope you get your peace. I need hope, not that I am anywhere ready to meet anyone. I wouldn't even know where to start, also have 6yo so time very limited. But hope I will get through this, be a better, stronger person, and be happy when I am on my own. Not used to it!!!

Amaz24 nobody is ready for it...its just that the longer we put it off let the other person damage us, and our view of men, the worse it gets.
How long since you split?

I'm only 5 weeks in!!! So still dealing with all the hurt etc at the min

@welly sorry to hear that mate. I feel exactly the same way you do.

They are in their own bubble..oblivious to the impact on their children and those who really love(d) them. The chickens will come home to roost but by that time we won't give a fuck.

My ex has just asked to have our child overnight where he's staying with the other girl! I dont want to let him but I can't really say no can I??

amaz I think you could say that at only 5 weeks in it's too early for your child to meet a new partner. Which it is. Any sane person would agree

They aren't sane though are they?

A bunch of fantasy land fools.

@Amaz24 I think a trip to the doctors may help you! It really helped me you have nothing to lose. Also with regards to Having your child stay over whilst the ow is there - you have every right to disagree and say no! You do what's best for your child- me personally - I told him the ow will have nothing to do with my DS and it's 6 months down the line and I still stick by that! He hasn't even bothered asking again! If it gets more serious between them and they are together a long time then obviously will have to rethink that! But for you it's only been 5 weeks you have every right to refuse! And I think it's awful of HN to even consider see it after such a short amount of time! X x

Sunflowers4 how did doc help? I'm wondering whether to go myself.
Thanks

wintersnow in my case antidepressants and offer of referral for counselling.

sunflowers I agree but then the danger is that he just won’t tell you! That’s what my stbxw did when I’m met themand I found out through ds1