Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

@Poppy852 morning and (unfortunately) welcome to our club.

7 weeks is still pretty early and so it will be very confusing, hurtful and a range of other emotions. I'm 6 months in and it's still up and down - one day i'm angry and think of all the things he has done, the next day i'm googling "Will my ex come back?". It really is a rollercoaster that unfortunately you haven't asked to ride, but it will come to a stop eventually. It is that old cliche, take it one minute/hour/day at a time, whatever pace you need.

Can I ask why you have filed for divorce so quickly?? xx

Hi scotgal2017, I've filed for divorce quickly because it seemed as though not doing it was a way of prolonging the agony. I've had a horrendous nights sleep and feel mentally and physically shattered. Am just trying to process it and taking it a day at a time. Big hugs x

Welcome poppy. Hope we can help.

As scotgal said, it does get easier but it takes a while.

Hi @Poppy852 . Sorry you are here. I'm as far down the line as you. We can just hope that what everyone says about it getting better is the same for us. I am so up and down. Keep in contact and get the support. Hope you have support around you too at home.

Thank you Wellyboots86. I never thought I would ever get divorced. I really thought we were together forever. The speed at which it all unravelled is frightening. Stbxh is ignoring my texts and calls so have just decided my solicitor can deal with him! I'm not going to contact him anymore and have deleted his number from my phone today. Hope everyone is ok and coping cos I know how hard it is x

Thank you Amaz all your words and posts are a comfort. I do have the support of lovely friends and some of my family. However my adult children are taking their dads side probably because he has a lot more money than me. It breaks my heart to even write that as he spent time in prison when the children were younger and I did everything for them. I was their primary carer and was both a mum and a dad to them. Unfortunately they seem to have forgotten all that because of the size of his wallet. It kills me to even say it. I don't know what I'd do without this site x

I believe in the long run we will be better off. We deserve better than them. My husband had at least a year long affair with someone from work. No longer with her but another person from work!!!! We were getting our first house, making a home etc. We have a 6yo. It hurts so much but day by day is all we can do .
I'm going to have to sell our home to give him the money he wants. Feel like it's me and our son that's getting punished for what he's done. God knows how our boy will be when he knows that. It breaks my heart for him 💔
I just have to show him how loved he is.

I'm so sorry Amaz that sounds so tough. I'm grateful everyday that I don't have young children to care for as well as the burden of the pain of a divorce. I believe wholeheartedly that we will all get through this and go on to love someone else. Life is too short to think otherwise. Big hugs to you x

@poppy852 wow it's great that you can get the divorce on the ball so fast, if you've read my previous posts on here I would like to do that but too risky here in another country. Have to bide my time!

How is everyone's day going, I'm feeling okay today. I have a counselling session tomorrow, it feels like I haven't seen her for ages because she was on holiday and then I had to cancel last week as I was ill.

HelloPoppy852 and everyone. Sorry you too are going through this. It is the toughest thing you will face. I know what you mean about never thinking you'd be in this position. I was with not so DH over 20 years. I still can't believe it. It's surreal. But slowly you do start to get better. When I first asked and everyone said time, it takes time, I didn't think it would ever get better. It still hurts and I have days when all I do is cry but they are starting to recede. You slowly start to feel more human. It is rubbish that you've done no wrong and yet you end up having to sell the house and change your life. So unfair.
Grear support here xx keep putting that grave face on, but let it all out when you need to, rant, rave, cry on a friends shoulder. It all helps xx

Brave face! Although a grave face is often there too ...

Hi poppy852 you don't realise how often this happens until it happens to you and you find something like mumsnet. I'm 7 months in now and it's the old cliché of time but that's all you have . One day at a time helped me and not allowing myself to wallow although at times not easy to do. You've just joined our little conveyer belt but as others join after you joined you will realise how far you've come compared to them. That's what we do here because we know exactly how it feels in the beginning. Chin up mate .

@Viking64 I think what you have just written is something I'm clinging on to. All the people posting on here unfortunately in the same position and relate to earache other. We all help by your experience if those further down the line and then as you say ones sadly joining after who make us realise how far we've come even if we don't initially see it ourselves. And then We can help others see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's so good there is the support here and this is what is getting me through the good and bad times.

Thank you everyone I don't know who you all are but I will be forever grateful for your help in these early days and hopefully I'll be able to post positive tweets about how I am getting. Through it

Amaz24 we don't know each other but we are all linked by the same sad event. But we will all survive . Just adopt the mindset that he don't deserve you and you will do better it works wonders. If you need to chat or rant just message me mate.

Absolutely agree @Viking64 one day at a time, one post at a time helping each other through our good days and our bad days!!

At the start I lived in the moment I still do. I couldn't change the past so didn't dwell there and I also didn't think to far ahead neither. I just concentrated on getting through the day and to be honest going to sleep was a relief even though it hit me like a steam train as soon as I woke up next morning. I learnt to live with the pain and sort of got used to it in a way had no choice really. The first time I woke up and didn't think of my wife first thing was the sign I was slowly starting to heal it didn't feel like it but I took it as that. It just takes time but I also went no contact straight away and haven't spoken or seen her in 7 months which for me really helped she's like a distant memory and I have trouble remembering her facial features now that's how I want it .

@Poppy852 sorry to see you have joined us here too! as all the other have said - time really is a healer! I to never ever expected to be getting divorced, I never in a million years thought by stbxh would ever run off with an OW especially not so soon after having a baby! But you no what I am doing really good, got a much more positive mindset now. I still do have days where I feel sad for what has happened but they are not as often now! Those first few weeks where some of the hardest of my life and I am so grateful for everyone who posts here- you all helped to get me through some tough times and made me feel less alone! I hope you also feel that support and it makes you feel less alone! We are all here and unfortunately no how you feel! But believe me when I say life really does get better and easier - it is an emotional rollercoaster that you have to ride but we will all come out stronger and happier! I'm a True believer that things happen for a reason x x

Hi all.

This is probably the best article I've read about Infidelity and believe me, I'VE READ A LOT!

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/537882/

@Poppy852 as the old saying goes “time is a great healer” and it is so true. I’m 6 months in and In the beginning I never thought I would stop crying, wanting him back and feeling the physical pain in my body of his abandonment. But one day your tears will dry, you will see your stbxh for the person he has become not who you knew and the pain will disappear. You will become a stronger person and hold your head up high as you have done nothing wrong. Yes you will have your “dip days” but you will be able to get through them. We all know the pain and heartache you are going through and we are here for you.

@Bibbidee an interesting read and makes a lot of sense when you think about it I suppose.

I've just finished reading this one lol

www.delainemoore.com/2016/09/1200/

Thank you to you all for such supportive comments. I've had a rollercoaster of an emotional day. Had an email off my solicitor asking if I intend to remarry or cohabit at present! Really? That's the last bloody thing on my mind. I also bumped into my stbxh in town, he saw me but I ducked behind a bus shelter until he had gone! It was so awkward. He will only talk to me through my mum and I think that is because he is shocked I have filed for divorce. I was always the quiet meek one in our marriage and now I'm taking back some control and finally standing up for myself. I'm starting a new job and will move into a place of my own as soon as I have enough funds. I will be free to choose decor I like, food I like, tv programmes I like and not have to worry about anyone else's needs for the first time in years. Stay strong everyone. We can do this even if it means drawing on reserves of strength we never knew we had. Keep going n put one foot in front of the other x

@Poppy852 although that must have been hard for you look at all the positives that as ahead!!! That is great xx

Thanks Amaz24. I can't imagine how tough it is for you too especially with a young child. Why do some men behave the way they do? I don't think we will ever know the answer to that. Know that it was more about his selfish needs and not a reflection on you. We must keep on going and not be doormats anymore. I'm hoping work will be a distraction for me and enable to earn some money and freedom from him. Am so sorry for what you're going through. Stay here and stay strong. We can do this x

Well I've seen a side of my stbxw that pissed me off this evening. Ds2 has been ill since Monday with a chest infection (so I've had zero sleep since Sunday night pretty much). She comes to pick them up, asks bare minimum, takes a phone call whilst I'm explaining his medication, then starts going on about new house viewings rather than letting me finish! She's so selfish and I hate it, would be easier if I never had to see her and she could drop off the planet with om and leave me and kids alone.

I'd done some painting with ds1 and he did a picture for her which she just ignored and left behind