Its good to hear you are both feeling better Viking and Wellyboots, so pleased for you.
Newtonml, I'm so sorry whats happening to you. Its not your fault. Your partner sounds like a horrible selfish person. They all are. It has been 11 weeks for me now and things are getting better. I have to say this, despite the fact that today is not a good day.
A few years ago I lost a dramatic amount of weight, through healthy eating and weight training over a three month period. If you were to chart that weight loss (I did on my fitness pal) it was not a perfectly declining slope, it looked more like a zig zag slope that gradually got lower and lower. Another way to say it would be two steps forward, one step back.
For me, there is no better description of what getting over this shite has been like than to say it was exactly like when I lost weight. At the beginning, its awful - very dark thoughts, I had two counsellors, I sobbed everywhere, it got gradually a bit better (by week 3 I was able to go outside and talk to people without bursting into tears). Then you start to think its getting better and you have a bad day, you think youve regressed etc.
It was five weeks before I cooked a hot meal for myself, before that I just put meals together for my son. Prior to that I didnt bother for myself. Then I didnt do it again until this week, when I have done it twice.
In 11 weeks I've only been to the supermarket to do a weekly shop once. I keep going back and forth Tesco express and picking up one thing at a time because I can't remember anything. I have only hung the washing out once. My beautiful mum keeps stocking up the fridge and keeping things ticking over that I'm forgetting. I have felt so useless.
I distinctly remember last week being momentous as it was the first time I'd properly laughed since it happened.
My job involves interviewing people, and it wasn't until about 8 weeks on that I was able to appreciate that one of the men sitting in front of me was incredibly good looking,interesting, intelligent etc and I found them attractive. It took eight weeks for me to even find someone else attractive.
One of the nicest developments is that I'm finally back to my old self with my son, singing, dancing and making jokes. Thats taken 11 weeks.
I am, however, still going back and forth with feelings of hate, bitterness, missing what we had etc. I still cannot forgive or wish him well.
I am so lucky, I have fantastic family and friends. I totally understand that my ex is a despicable person to have done what he's done in the manner in which its happened. I do not understand why those two things aren't enough for me to move on.
Today was a pretty bad day as I visited a friend's whose wife has terminal cancer and they are both distraught. I am really struggling with how bloody unfair life is. She is so lovely. Things just seem pointless.
But tomorrow will be better.