Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

Welcome newleaf, sorry you've had to join our club but as mambot said, in time the benefits of your new life will surface.

Unfortunately the coldness is a common thing, possibly guilt on their part or just a way them trying to move on asap without caring who they hurt.

I've taken a little dip recently as broke one of my own rules about not checking up on her and didn't like what I saw but it has helped reinforce the fact that she's not the woman I married anymore.

If you need to talk ever just ask, we are all here for each other

Thanks so much - your replies really help

I have my parents and some friends who are being amazing but tbh he was my world and I just miss him (the old him) so much.

Friends say he sounds like he has had a breakdown but he is so sure of himself when I see him. He is still seeing the OW and that hurts too. Feels like he has got everything he wanted from the situation and I am left in hell. On Friday it will be 4 weeks since he left. I have waves of anxiety and sadness that feel impossible to overcome.

Here's hoping it gets a little better soon

Wellyboots - social media is difficult isn't it? He's blocked me from everything but I can't help trying to see what he is up to as well.

She def isn't the person you loved. She didn't deserve what she had - none of them do!

I'm not doing well at all this weekend. I went to upload some photos of my son to print out and had to trawl through two years of pictures.

I have sobbed my heart out.

I miss my ex, I miss being close to him and I don't know why he changed. We had a lovely relationship. My heart is broken. I am so gutted that he has just walked away and I'm so worthless and crap he doesn't miss me. Whats the point of me.

I am eaten up with anger and bitterness. I don't want to go to church or talk to God, I feel like there is nothing there.

I dont feel like I can cope today. My mum is here with my son.

NewLeaf74 the same is being said of my husband, although friends and family say he is having a mid life crisis!! It seems that they all showing their selfish, self-centred, arrogant side, Let's show them we can rise above them and they are not worth the heartache they have given us. I'm trying to cut contact with him, when I feel the urge to speak to him I'm going to message/speak to a family member who's there 24/7. He recently told me that his future is with the OW, he needs to move on and I'm definitely not the one he wants and loves. Those words were like a knife twisting in my stomach and it's still hurting. I am jealous he can move on with his life with her and I am left alone and heartbroken and he doesn't care. But I am clinging on to the fact that his new found love is based on a bed of lies and betrayal and one day he will wake up and realise what a massive mistake he has made. By then he will have lost everything and I hope I have moved on!

Oh Mambot - I totally feel for you. I spent 2 hours looking through photos on Friday and it really messed with my head.

These heartless, selfish men should not make us feel worthless. Is it worth revisiting a gratitude list or some goals for the future? I get some comfort from getting a daily To Do list done and celebrating small victories. There is def a point to you! Sending hugs

Newton - you have inspired me. I am feeling a wee bit stronger now. I hope these husbands wake up one day and realise what they have lost. Our dignity and pride will keep us going!!

Sorry for not replying earlier but I've been at work all day then picked the kids up so had baths etc to sort out.

Mambot I'm sorry you're having a rough day, I've been through that pain of looking through old pictures and it's very hard at first. The way I get through it is to see them as memories of a happy time but to also remember that I can still be happy again doing things just as me and the kids as they are the main reason everything was so fun.

Newleaf your first post this morning perfectly captures how it is/was for me. She has still not told anyone that she's seeing someone else (even though they all know already through me) and I can't help feeling that a large part of that is guilt. She actually said to me yesterday that she's glad we are able to get on as well as we have been and the way she says it sounds like she realises she made a huge mistake but that she also knows it's too late to repair the damage.

We all need to stay positive and strong and remember how far we've come since they betrayed us.

Evening folks, so my rollercoaster of emotions has restarted again today. When I was first suspicious of stbxw's betrayal I started checking her email etc to find evidence. I still retain the ability to do so even though I haven't for a while but had really vivid dream (read nightmare) last night about her and other guy so checked it just now whilst waiting for kids to fall asleep.

Saw she'd ordered food shopping and had a little snoop as thought maybe she's having him stay over for a few days whilst I have the kids- turns out she's bought a pregnancy test! Now this isn't the first time, I found one in her bag about a month before she left and to clarify, it wouldn't be mine if it's positive!

She text me this morning asking how the boys are and saying how she felt unwell, now thinking it's down to this? I know from some of the messages I read when she lived here that she doesn't use protection (other than the pill) so not necessarily a surprise if she is but how in the hell do I deal with that situation if she's pregnant by another guy and that guy wants nothing to do with kids she ready has!

Is this why she's started being nice to me recently? Trying to butter me up to take her back? Head is well and truly spinning tbh

Wellyboots86 stay strong you have got this far, this is yet another hurdle you have to overcome. It sometimes feels like one too many but you can conquer it. Remember she's coming to you so you have the upper hand! Pull that strength from within you.. you can do it. I too try to check up on my Ex. His relationship started on Facebook and he continues to openly flirt with her even though they are now together. He thinks he's blocked me, the kids and family from seeing the posts but Friends can see them, so I continue to torture myself asking them to let me know what's said. I've asked home to grow up and delete his account, he says he will but he hasn't. Today I'm thinking he and his B*h are not worth me wasting my time thinking of them. I am going to hold my head up and rise above them both. I don't know how long this will last but today that's my focus.

Very much feels like I've "survived" today rather than actually lived it...she's really in my head now and doesn't even realise it!

Hi wellyboots sorry to hear about how you are feeling .the gut wrenching doesn't seem to let up.its gone and then bang it's back.my wife got upset in front of my son last week and said what had happened is on her mind all the time.grass is seldom greener it's too late.always here mate for a chat.
Mambot
Not been on in a while . I'm sorry you feel like you do at the moment. I think our feelings lull us into thinking it's getting better then bang back to the beginning if you could see the finish line it would help wouldn't it .always here for a chat please take care

Thanks Viking. It's been a crap week. Just bitter about it all. Not sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Really think your attitude is great wish I could have some of it.

Thanks Viking, not looking forward to seeing her tonight as will just be thinking about the pregnancy test the whole time

Mambot if I could give you it I would not sure what attitude I've adopted tbh I've not thought about it other than f×ck you I will survive you and if I'm alone so be it but if not I will do better .if you dwell you fail.ok not Shakespeare I know

Hi wellyboots yes the pregnancy thing is a real heart breaker but in reality it's only refocused you on what happened.she can't hurt you much deeper and you are on the ropes but still swinging aren't you. Pregnancy test or not it will have no affect on your life once this whole situation has got more bearable. If anything it should remind you what you freed yourself from

I agree Viking, just caught me off guard as it's the second time now and I thought I couldn't be shocked anymore by her!

Viking 64 Woke up this morning feeling sad and lonely and missing him like hell. Then I read your post and it's put the fire back in my belly to keep on going.. such wise words .. thank you

Hi everyone, im so sorry for what's happened Mambot and to the OPs on here that are going through a rough time as well.

I too are going through something similar. My DH said to me in April a few weeks after our 2nd son was born that he wasn't in love with me anymore. I walked out 2 weeks later and went and lived with my parents for roughly 11/12 weeks & came back again as he said he wanted to fix things. He didn't ask me to leave he actually said he wanted to work on things but I was too hurt and that's why I left. So I have been back now 3 months and I sat and had a chat with him saying I didn't think he was trying to fix things between us and he admitted that he didn't know how. I said well I think it's best to separate cause I'm not staying with a man who doesn't want to try. I am currently looking for somewhere to live while our house is being sold. I keep trying to get answers of what has went wrong and he says there is no passion between us anymore and there hasn't been for a couple of years. I moved to his hometown 3 years ago and was only in the house a few days before our 1st son was born (I had an emergency section and blood transfusion) he stayed at home for a couple of weeks & then went back to work and I had no one. I felt quite depressed but he didn't want to see it. Then 2 years later we decide to have another baby and I was pregnant with twins and lost one and then my little boy was born March of this year and in April all of this came about.

My DH keeps saying maybe separating and having space will help us reflect on where we have both went wrong in our marriage and he said maybe we can rebuild it again. He keeps saying please don't close the door on us to possibly be a family again in the future. I just think he is quick to give up & I have questioned non stop about there being OW as I am not stupid that this could be the case. The only thing about the OW is that my DH is always with me even since I have comeback, he doesn't stay late after work he spends the wkds with me and the kids, he only has a drink at home and never really goes out and that's the way it's always been so I haven't noticed any changes there unless he's having an emotional affair with someone at work maybe. Even on his morning coffee break and his lunch break he still calls me for chats. So it would be confusing if he is seeing someone else.

I am hurting really bad. Some days are worse than others. One day I'm like I can do this!!! & others I am a mess. I kind of regret returning cause my husband can see all of this and I think he feels sorry for me and I don't want pity!! I can't wait to find my new place with my 2 kids & just get on with my life.

Just wanted to chat ladies and say I know how it feels. Sometimes I chat to my friends and family now and it just seems like they are sick of listening. I feel like some people don't want to be around me anymore cause I'm too depressing x

Welcome whatnowat35. Sorry to hear what you're going through.

It sounds like he wants the option of coming back to you if his new life falls through unfortunately, don't let him string you along if you genuinely feel he's not willing to work on the marriage, that's the mistake I made!

Also, my stbxw was always with me too but still found time for om and if you read my messages above you'll see how messed up that's been!

Wish you all the best. Just remember that your kids are the important ones not him at the end of the day

Sending love to everyone. I am in such an emotional rollercoaster. I realise that he's never coming back but I hate the idea of a future without him.

Am trying to just get through each day at the moment. Going to counselling next week so hoping that helps.

If it wasn't for my kids...

Thanks for it you our reply Wellyboots86. I am definitely under the impression that there might be someone else whether or not he has physically done anything or not or is waiting til im completely out of the picture. I just wish he would tell me if this was the case. There is nothing worse than not knowing and then finding out later down the line. He knows if i knew there was I would be asking for divorce straight away. He doesn't want a divorce, well yet anyway. & your right I do think he wants to go and try out a new life without me and the kids and see if the grass is greener and if it isn't he might come back again. Well he has another thing coming if he thinks that. I won't be waiting around to find out, I'll be getting on with my own life. My heart will break and I'll cry and hurt and grieve but I won't be waiting!!! I told him I couldn't imagine I'll ever trust him after this. We have been together 6 years and only married 4. I thought we would be together forever, how wrong was I x

Newleaf what if you had no kids.I tell you all of us on here has thought the same as you and none of us has ended it unless one of us is texting from the other side of course.what I mean is the feeling is perfectly natural you have the kids but you also have you mate .guarantee you will look back and be able to throw an arm around someone going through the same really soon because you will feel their genuine pain and it will hit you then how far you've come and how surprisingly happy you are with life which is precious

Hi NewLeaf74 I hope your ok! It's hard going & days you don't want to get out of bed but you have to. What age are your kids? Mine are 3yrs old and 7months (well almost) and I am finding it so hard. It's just tantrums, tears, still sleepless nights and night feeds and colds and bugs lol it's relentless. Dealing with 2 small children and dealing with this whole mess of a broken heart & a complete change of life is so tough. I am leaving my home to find rented accommodation and be a single mum on benefits. It's a massive change from having a husband, living in a beautiful home and having security.

I just keep telling myself this has happened cause something better is coming. I am also starting counselling when I move and a friend of mine started 10 months ago after her husband cheated on her and she said it definitely helped. I am also going to throw myself into the gym and start a course next year xxx

Newleaf I can definitely sympathise. I've had one of those days today as well where I seriously thought "I could just crash this into a river and not care" (I'm a delivery driver) but like you said, have kids and would never leave them fatherless!

I hate how in my head she can still get as a month ago I really felt over it all and ready to face anything but now I feel like I did at the start again.