Husband Has Ended it - road to divorce

[itsovernow1]

Hi
I've had a thread in the Relationship section for a while, thought now we're actually heading for Divorce I'd post a new thread to update here.
All and any advice welcome.

Link to old thread [https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2814181-Husband-has-ended-it?pg=20] hopefully that worked!

Have sent my SOL another email re: the previous emails. Will check if she's received it tomorrow.

I am now in a quandary about tax credits.

STBX and I still have a joint bank account and mortgage, where he pays the mortgage, debts and some bills from, as I really couldn't afford to, even with the tax credits. I claim tax credits as a single person. I have done the declaration for the time I started claiming until 5th Apr 17. There is another one on there now though, that says a 'joint claim with STBX'. I called an advisor but he couldn't do/see anything (so he told me anyway) and I have to wait until the renewal pack has arrived. I told him I only started claiming once STBX left and I am single.
Am I screwed with tax credits? Could they think I'm a couple when I'm not? STBX still has some post coming here (which I've told him about and I am sending back now as it's ridiculous, 2 credit cards mainly he says have been difficult with change of address).
My SOL knew what I was doing, I haven't informed anyone else of the financial situation - should I have done? Should I have paid everything but the debts in STBX's name, and had a maintenance payment from him instead? It really was easier this way as we have numerous bills (although some could have been changed as they are just mine or just his - life insurance for example) going out. Seemed simpler this way and my SOL was happy with the way we were doing things. Something tells me they've done checks and because we're financially linked they think we're still a couple.

I really feel like I'm just treading water and not going anywhere. Now this HMRC thing is another situation to worry about. If we've done it the wrong way I will be paying for it, not STBX. I can pay the majority of it back but it will clear me out and back to square one. Why can't HMRC just tell you what you want to know?!

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know about tax credits now I'm afraid so can't help you. I wonder if there might be something on the money matters thread?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters

If it's worrying you, and it looks as though it is, might it be worth starting a thread there just about this issue? I don't know how busy a forum it is though.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

Trouble is I don't know what it's about at this stage. Not even the guy from HMRC could tell me... although I don't know if he was just being evasive.

Now I'm wondering if STBX has reported me. I did piss him off by not giving him my details and if his 'friend' talked to him. Yes I am that paranoid. And in a fit of anger people can do things like that, him included.

Stupid thing is, if STBX had paid CM instead and I'd paid all the bills the amount would be the same (excl. his debts), just come from my account instead and his payment classed as CM. So I haven't 'won' here, I don't use the joint account for anything. We just thought this would be easier as it was all set up and a pain to change (we're talking 9 credits cards and numerous household bills incl mortgage). My SOL didn't see a problem either - in fact, the 1st SOL I saw didn't see an issue either.
I will check out the other forum, thanks.

OK, a big doof and made a mistake with the CM calculator. Oh shit. I am screwed.

I really need this job I will hear about on Wednesday. The interview on Thurs isn't for many hours so not hopeful there but will try my best. I'll even still go if I don't get the job on Wednesday. I need to.

Sorry I'm rambling. And panicking. I need to take a breathe. Sorry again.

Stop apologising woman! You've done NOTHING wrong!
I've been lurking for ages and you've done so well, and come so so far! You should really be very proud.
It's easy to focus on the bad things but look at the big picture - you've gone from no career at all to nearly 2 jobs, you've managed to talk to solicitors, you've kept it civil for the Kids...
So take a deep breath, leave it for now, it's too late to call HMRC or anything now, you can do it int he morning :)

Just re-read that and it comes across a bit mean, it was meant to be more "tough-love".
I really do admire how well you're doing though!

Thanks. Didn't sound mean at all. Makes sense but really doesn't feel like we've got anywhere in 6 months. And now the HMRC thing. I rang them today and they didn't have a clue what it was for (or they weren't telling me until I receive the renewal pack).

With the tax credits I can pay everything from my account but that all stops in July next yr so I need to get a move on with more cash. Plus if they stop tax credits for any reason I am screwed. And it's scary I admit, changing everything to my name/account but it has to be done so we can close the joint account. Just hope STBX agrees with my decision, to pay it all to my account.
Will phone the broadband people tomorrow and try to sort out a new account. Also the pet insurance, I'm a joint acct holder but they could still make it difficult, I know I'll get an extortionate admin fee for it.
Sky is one I'm concerned about mainly as it needs a new account for me only and the price could sky rocket. Need to check online with the mortgage people to see if I can just change the direct debit.

Another week nearly over. Car service was OK but needed new brake pads/discs - ouch! Twice the price I thought it would be. Oh well. This is the tax credits doing their job as needed.

Nothing from HMRC today. So still no idea what the heck the joint claim stuff is about. Wish they'd just contact me directly or when I contact them they can tell me what is going on. You'd think they themselves would know!

Didn't get the job from last week. Oh well. I applied for a few more yesterday, mostly for Mr T, won't hold my breathe though as I don't seem to be the 'type' they're after for some reason. I've tried many times. No idea what the problem is, even the unsociable hours I don't seem to get a look-in for. Wish they'd tell me what they're looking for or just even interview me once so they can get to know me!

I applied for one other job directly with the employer last week but didn't hear anything and it's just popped up again on the job search thing but going through an agency. Won't bother again, as even though I think I could do it, they obviously didn't, so didn't reply to my application. Oh well. (is that the right attitude to have or should I apply again??).

This local company keeps advertising different jobs and by now I think they think I'm some kind of nut job who just keeps applying to them! But they're jobs I could do so I apply. Not my fault they never come back to me to tell me no or back off!
I have another interview tomorrow for a cleaner at Lidl. Not enough hours but I'll try.

Well I was right! All 5 job applications at Tesco got a rejection. No reason, just 1 email saying I was unsuccessful. Even got rejected for doing trolleys! What Tesco want is beyond me. Not to be funny, but some of the people I see in there late in the evening (after 9pm) are just kids messing around. And I'm not good enough? Oh well.

Without being glib if you are getting lots of rejections is it worth getting someone (don't know if there are organisations or anything via job centre for example) to look at your CV or applications in case you are making some simple mistakes or if you could "dress" it up a bit to get you through the door more often maybe. Whether there is even anyone on one of the other forums here who works in recruitment who could look at it and say what they would normally look for

I don't understand about Tesco either. My DS2 applied there years ago and just got rejected whereas I see lots of lads just like him working there. I kept wondering what they had that he didn't and I never did work it out.

I have heard that in some places they have so many applications that they just bin half of them on some spurious logic of their own - don't know if it's true, but I decided it wasn't worth giving any more headspace to.

wobytide - Yep, i think I'll have others take a look at it. I think it's as dressed up as it could be given my working history! I try to big up my cover letter and/or the extra stuff they ask for sometimes. My Sis helped me with that.

My main problem I think is the fact I don't have any current skills as such and the jobs I'm applying for (Tesco aside!) aren't really things that maybe a woman would do (Warehouse Operative or Drivers Mate for example), maybe thinking that I couldn't do it (I know that's sexist but it has to happen sometimes). Whereas if they met me they'd see I don't care about breaking a nail or getting dirty/sweaty!

I don't know. The Tesco ones bother me more I think because I got a job there in my late teens (to supplement my day job income) without a problem! But now, when I have more to give (I think) I can't even get an interview!

kaitlinktm Yeah, it's a strange one. My DD's friend got a job there a few weeks ago without a problem as well! But I can't even get passed an application! There can't be many people who would want to work at 3am in the morning surely?!?!

It does get a bit disheartening. The job interview from last week didn't even get back to me when she said she would. Guess that's life. I have a cleaning job interview later, not many hours and I'll give it my best shot but at the end of the day I'm not hopeful about that either. People always want the cleaning experience which I haven't got. But if you can't get that first job for the experience it's hopeless! Just an chance is all I ask. But I will smile and answer their questions later and act confident!

I've even seen some I could do but they're apprenticeships!! Not even available to me. But I'd give it everything.

I haven't been following all your story I'm afraid, but just wanted to say that I'm claiming tax credits even though we still have the joint account for bills and are still both living in the fmh. I called them and wrote to them to let them know of the situation and they said it was fine.

I got a letter this year about a joint claim, but only because I'd changed it from a joint to a single claim. It really was nothing to worry about.

We did both transfer all personal bills to our own accounts when we separated, so it's literally just household bills coming out of it.

Good luck on the job search.

Thanks. I won't know what it's about until I get the paperwork, as online doesn't even tell me what is going on! I am one to panic but am trying not to until I know for sure there is something wrong. I'd never even made a joint claim before (this is my first time claiming credits) so it's even more confusing for me.

Thanks, I'm trying with the job search! I thought getting my 1st job after so long would be tricky, but this, looking for day time part/full time work as a 2nd job is even trickier! All I can do is keep going.

Well, the interview went well I feel. Not much you can say about why you want a job cleaning! Although I do like clean spaces and tidying. So I tried to sell myself and all that. Making eye contact with both of them even though the lady didn't talk much, I tried to engage her.

The assistant manager seemed OK but the lady who was there (who covers a few other stores type thing) wasn't so sure I could handle the 5am starts if I finished at midnight for the other job. I assured her I could, plus if I need sleep I could do that during the day. She didn't look convinced. That could work against me. We shall see. I get a call within 7 days with a yes - or an email with a no!
Personally working that early would be OK. I'd need to manage my sleep but travelling to/from the store that early would be a piece of cake (and quick) compared to during the day. I would only need a shower, which I could do in 10 mins, have a choc croissant or banana for a snack and have breakfast when I come back at 8am. I am not high maintenance!
Before I could start work I'd need a training day in Kent, but that's mid August anyway.
We shall see.

Glad to hear that the interview went well. It's so hard to know what people are really looking for in interviews and what they expect you to say, but it sounds like you are presenting yourself in a positive way.

I think I come across OK yeah. I mean, the cleaning job I wanted at the end of my road (literally!) a few months ago explained that they only went with the other lady as she had cleaning experience and I didn't.
Kicking my self now tbh, they offered me another job a bit further away - no interview necessary - but this was a few months ago and I was still a bit up in the air with my emotions and everything plus the hours were slightly longer and included a weekend day. If I knew then what I know now, I'd have taken it! Dammit!
I'm still thinking about caring jobs but not completely sold if it's the future career for me.

Well, I got the phone call! Haha!

Have to go and sort out the contract next Tues, as far as I know the training day isn't until mid August so can't start before then. But I have another job! Not sure on exact hours yet, but it'll be 5am - 8am whichever days I do. Have to get into a routine to sleep when I come back from it. DD will be back at college in Sept so that should be OK.

Well done Over!!

Thanks! Seems a bit weird thinking I have another job right now, but apparently I do! Well, not officially until I sign the contract and actually start that is, I guess. I know it's not ideal with the hours I'll be doing for both jobs but it's a start and will fit into my life for now.

At the moment it still won't be enough to take over the mortgage here, unless they take pity on me but I doubt it. But it's more positive. It will give me cleaning experience for a start, which can only be a good ting. Once I start I can save like crazy, as I'll still get tax credits. I can be in more control.

I know I'll need to take my sleep seriously and work out schedules depending on the days I work - no necessarily both jobs either - as if I don't work the night before the early start I can get a decent sleep in. Need to be more in control of my willpower!

Yay! Well done! You are doing brilliantly
Onwards and upwards! !