Support for those starting the divorce process

[hermione2016]

Just wondered how many of us are embarking on divorce and would value some support.

After a disastrous holiday over the summer we are divorcing.Stbxh is divorcing me as he said he would defend a divorce petition from me.He has yet to get a solicitor and my solicitors advised that I set a deadline for him to start the process.

We have 1 dc and were together 15 years.I feel I've had years of EA, at best ex has very low emotional intelligence but is arrogant so would never see it.At worst he's an angry bully.I need to stop trying to figure "why he does what he does" but I'm quite an over thinker. We are in the same house and trying to get it sold.Just organising it going on the market which in itself is stressful.

I know ex will be hostile, he's already refusing to share financial stuff and stating I will have none of his pension.I am happy just to get it all out in the open and let the solicitors sort a reasonable split.I will have less than I have today but hopefully greater peace of mind.

Anyone else wanting to get some support on the journey, to hopefully a happier life?

[PandoraMole]

I'd love to do a festival but we've got our cottage in Yorkshire this year.

Glad you enjoyed your hugs. I know what you mean about missing them. DD gave me a lovely hug the other day and I promptly burst into tears.

I've got a few nice things coming up which I'm looking forward to so feeling a bit more positive today.

Just need to get the house sorted out

[NotJanine]

The splitting stuff up and packing can get a bit overwhelming. I think I just tried to approach it as a task to be done, separate from what it all means. It'll all get sorted, it's just 'stuff'. try to focus on those thoughts of it being good. I think the most useful thing in all these situations is to cling to anything positive. Like thinking of three things you're grateful for each day.

Not sure I'm that good at following my own advice though!

I've had a very tough weekend. The stress of seeing wasband and learning some more lies. Then yesterday I got more admissions from him. Massive ones. He's been lying to the OW too. I tried to contact her but she blocked me.

I've hardly slept the past couple of nights. Struggling to eat and getting panic attacks, awful adrenaline surges. I went through all this 10 months ago with the first round of revelations. I don't want any more hurt. I really need a hug.

Thinking of getting some more counselling. The last lot wasn't helpful, it was too much regurgitating the past. I want to let the past go and look forward to the future.

Group hug

[NotJanine]

Thanks Kansas. Does your therapist have a particular style of therapy that they use?

I'm already in my new house. The best thing about it is the back gets the sun streaming in during the morning (when it's sunny, obviously!) even if it's cool out I can sit in the sunshine. The cats love that too.

[NotJanine]

Going back to your comment on detaching, social media has a lot to answer for. I've had images almost shoved in my face that have caused me upset.

I can't imagine ever getting to a place where they don't hurt

[NotJanine]

I don't really want to remove myself from facebook, it's where I keep in touch with old friends. One consequence of our marriage was that I ended up with pretty much no friends, so facebook is one place where I can feel liked, and I like keeping up with what other people are doing.
I've joined some meetup groups, so I'm meeting some people that way - it's nice for the company but they're more acquaintances than friends. I don't have friends at work, very little contact with any women.

[NotJanine]

I'll look up Relate thanks

[NotJanine]

Well OW and wasband have both blocked me - so that's useful! I had a family member of hers come up as a suggested friend though - with a charming picture of all of them.

I have no desire to be with him now at all, yet this all still hurts me. I want to get to the stage where I can just not care, or just pity them.
I read threads on here where women can do that and think - why can't I?

[itsovernow1]

Can I ask a question please?
How long, from seeing a solicitor and starting the proceedings, can I expect to actually hear anything from STBXH's solicitor? It's been over a week now. I'm getting impatient.

[itsovernow1]

WeAreNotInKansasAnymore - thanks. Sick of the waiting. I'm an impatient person anyways (once I know I have to do something I like to get on with it!) but this waiting is frustrating. STBXH is controlling all the shots right now. That will come to an end soon enough I feel, once I've seen my solicitor.

[Properjob]

Evening all what a heartfelt discussion between you all thank you it will help me in the future I am sure. Not am pretty sure you will look back on this thread in future and see how courageous you have been; I hope you will be much happier then.
Stbxh and I are still playing happy families as both of our young adult children were here over the weekend. It was lovely family time, what else does he want FFS? DD is home from Uni for Easter but out a lot thank goodness. Going to send stbxh the petition draft tomorrow as agreed guess that will have repercussions....big virtual hugs for all .

[JaffaCakesMum]

Himself was helping me take some stuff down from the loft yesterday. He ended up calling me a wanker which made me laugh inside which must have shown on my face as he snapped at me to get that smirk off my face! What a control freak and a dick.

[Knittedfrog]

I know this thread is nearly full but wanted to join you all.
My journey is about to start and I know it's going to be a tough one.
I'm going to be left with very little and won't be entitled to any help but anything is better than this.
I need to see if a relative will take me in as I have nowhere to go, no money (starting a job in May), no children so can't get help anywhere.
Some of you seem so much happier, I hope I'm in that place one day.

[Properjob]

Stbxh says he 'can live with' the unreasonable behaviour I put in the petition!! What's he up to?? He must have an OW in the wings surely. Horrible to think he's so desperate to get rid of me

[NotJanine]

I've started a new thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation/2900613-Further-support-for-those-starting-the-divorce-process

[PandoraMole]

Haha Proper. I think mine was hoping I'd file for absolute (could have done yesterday) asap so he could put a ring on it with the NW before she realises what he's really like.

Unfortunately for him we still haven't managed to get the house sorted and in light of his recent behaviour I have no intention of finalising the divorce until the money is in my bank account.

Welcome knitted. It sounds like you're making the right call. My DD have had to live with my parents since we left last summer. It's very stressful on top of what's already a difficult time, but I've never actually regretted my decision.

Hope no one minds but I've started a new thread